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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 713776" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am so sorry for your troubles, Tanne, I'm exhausted just reading about what you are going through.</p><p>It is a familiar story for me though, the disrespect and utter disregard for the peace and sanctity of our home.</p><p>This is a quote that helped me tremendously</p><p>"What you allow, will continue."</p><p>It is a tangled mess when our young adult children live at home and walk all over us. There was always some reason or excuse and the longer my kids stayed, the more they took for granted.</p><p> I started hated being in my own home!</p><p>The situation you describe is unacceptable. Especially since you have a young child who is effected by the drama. Believe me, I know because my son grew up watching his sisters come and go. I didn't realize how much it effected him because my focus was on the craziness going on with his siblings, constant frustration and drama.</p><p>I think you are half way there to solving this in recognizing there is a problem. Taking his plates, stopping the WIFI, those are all steps towards giving him his wings to fly out of your nest. While it seems complicated to go through an eviction process, the alternative, <em>allowing</em> this to continue is much worse.</p><p></p><p>Understanding this is important, but it shouldn't guilt you into putting up with disrespect, lies, theft, destruction of property and chaos in your home.</p><p>Nothing changes, if nothing changes.</p><p>The best thing about life is that every second we have an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and do better!</p><p>If this were not your son, would you put up with all of this? Heck no! How much more appalling is it that our own adult children would put us through this? Try to turn your mindset around, that you are not obligated to "help" an adult child who has no respect for you or your home. I know it is hard, it pulls at our hearts, but the truth is, if we don't stand up for ourselves, no one else will. If we continue to allow ourselves to be tread upon, under the guise of motherly "love" we are opening ourselves up for much more of the same treatment. Time to stand up and say no more.</p><p>Keep posting. It helps to have others who have gone through similar circumstances offer support and advice. Seek counseling or groups where you can get face to face help.</p><p>When we have gone through the trauma of having adult children run amok in our homes, it is important to lift ourselves up so that we can see and think straight.</p><p> It is difficult to make decisions when caught up in the fog.</p><p>I love my two very much, but have come to realize they will take every advantage of that if I allow them to.</p><p>Oftentimes love says no.</p><p> No you will not continue to walk all over me.</p><p> No you will not take away peace from my home.</p><p>The stronger we become, the better living example we are to our wayward adult kids.</p><p>Strength to you in this challenging time. Stand up for yourself, your marriage, your three year old and deserved peace in your household.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 713776, member: 19522"] I am so sorry for your troubles, Tanne, I'm exhausted just reading about what you are going through. It is a familiar story for me though, the disrespect and utter disregard for the peace and sanctity of our home. This is a quote that helped me tremendously "What you allow, will continue." It is a tangled mess when our young adult children live at home and walk all over us. There was always some reason or excuse and the longer my kids stayed, the more they took for granted. I started hated being in my own home! The situation you describe is unacceptable. Especially since you have a young child who is effected by the drama. Believe me, I know because my son grew up watching his sisters come and go. I didn't realize how much it effected him because my focus was on the craziness going on with his siblings, constant frustration and drama. I think you are half way there to solving this in recognizing there is a problem. Taking his plates, stopping the WIFI, those are all steps towards giving him his wings to fly out of your nest. While it seems complicated to go through an eviction process, the alternative, [I]allowing[/I] this to continue is much worse. Understanding this is important, but it shouldn't guilt you into putting up with disrespect, lies, theft, destruction of property and chaos in your home. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. The best thing about life is that every second we have an opportunity to learn from our mistakes, and do better! If this were not your son, would you put up with all of this? Heck no! How much more appalling is it that our own adult children would put us through this? Try to turn your mindset around, that you are not obligated to "help" an adult child who has no respect for you or your home. I know it is hard, it pulls at our hearts, but the truth is, if we don't stand up for ourselves, no one else will. If we continue to allow ourselves to be tread upon, under the guise of motherly "love" we are opening ourselves up for much more of the same treatment. Time to stand up and say no more. Keep posting. It helps to have others who have gone through similar circumstances offer support and advice. Seek counseling or groups where you can get face to face help. When we have gone through the trauma of having adult children run amok in our homes, it is important to lift ourselves up so that we can see and think straight. It is difficult to make decisions when caught up in the fog. I love my two very much, but have come to realize they will take every advantage of that if I allow them to. Oftentimes love says no. No you will not continue to walk all over me. No you will not take away peace from my home. The stronger we become, the better living example we are to our wayward adult kids. Strength to you in this challenging time. Stand up for yourself, your marriage, your three year old and deserved peace in your household. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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