N's interest in pink

[Lulu]

Dear all, this may be only tangientially related to the defiance, but I just need some support and ideas. N has been into the color pink for a few months now. This is his code for being into things that girls like. He has gotten the message from the girls in his class that pink is a girl's color, but he chooses pink crafts nonetheless, and is very interested in taking ballet. Although I've told him the boy dancers wear black and white, not pink, he is undeterred.

It is not an obsession, he still plays transformers and power rangers all day, and he has good male friends. Today, though, he and his little sister swapped clothes. I totally understand it's all about learning and role-playing, and hey--if a girl can dress up like a cowboy, then why can't a boy dress up like a princess? However, my husband is beside himself. First he was worried when the ballet interest appeared. Then when N said he wanted to wear pink, hubby's concern grew. And when he saw N in A's clothes today, he stiffened, but appropriately held his tongue. I know he is cringing inside, though.

Any thoughts? Anyone else's boys go through a pink phase?

I don't want to make N feel like he's doing something wrong, and I don't want him to think Daddy doesn't accept his interests. How do I talk with-my husband? How do I talk to N? I almost think that because he is a knee-jerk defiant kid, when he learned that boys don't choose pink, he decided he should choose it, IYKWIM. Does that make sense?

TIA,
Lulu

 

[DammitJanet]

Well I have raised three boys and they have all gone through various stages of such things. My middle one would even steal my nylon summer nightgown and dance around the room in it to watch it twirl! He also took some dance classes when he was about 4. I got many clothes in pink because I so badly wanted a girl...lol. Now granted they were boys clothes but still...Pink!

Tell Hubby to relax...that same nightgown wearing, dancing little boy grew up into a 6'5" rugged tough Marine!

 

[smallworld]

I agree with Janet. Tell your husband that this stage will pass soon enough, and don't even bring the subject up to your son at all. At this age, kids try on identities as easily as they try on dress-up clothes.

I know a 15-year-old boy whose favorite colors at ages 4 and 5 were pink and purple. He's now a snowboarder and plays football and baseball for his high school team.

 

[flutterbee]

Girls clothes are softer and prettier than boys clothes. I really don't think there is anything wrong with this. My 16 year old son is all boy and he'll wear pink. Though, he would also do it to stand out. He likes to be different.

When he was younger, he would also play barbies with the little girl next door and then go out on his trick bike and do his tricks.

There's a lot of facets to people, children included.

 

[susiestar]

This reminds me of my brother in law on husband's side. When our nephew wanted a pink shirt brother in law just about lost his mind. Didn't forbid it, or anything, but was SOOOO worried.

He also worried when nephew wanted dolls to play with. He wanted to practice being a Daddy. He said that was how he could learn.

Nephew is now 23, studying to be a police officer, very comfortable with who he is and his values.

I would NOT worry, but this is hard for many fathers in the same situation.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[libranaster]

This made me laugh and laugh men are so sensitive aren't they? Liking pink is not a problem my brother in law likes pink and has done all his life and I am sorry but you would be hard placed to a find a more manly man. I mean I think he is nice once at a dress up party he helped me do my hair and then walked out and opened a beer and started chatting with the fellas. Its so funny because he does not openly show his more sensitive side and its been about 7 years since he did that for me and I haven't seen a sign of sensitivity since but he still still likes pink.

He is a great dad though and is deffinately showing no signs of being gay or girly so I hope that helps calm down the situation. Look at it this way he is going to meet alot more girls hanging out in ballet than basket ball. I have one guy friend who said his dad freaked out when he opted to join a sewing class in high school but all he wanted was to get in the good books with the chicks in the class .

I would try to ride this faze out, my son dresses up in fairy wings and then the next time I will see him he is batman so I wouldn't worry.

 

[Andy]

There are T-Shirts out that say "Real Men Wear Pink". That may help husband?

The less you take notice, the faster the phase will end. Just go along with it as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

My son would role play the strangest things to try to understand people. When he was 3 or 4 years old, I found him in the garage laying on plywood in the shape of a cross. (I took a picture of that!) That year he also would take the cushions of the couch and form them in a cross to lie on. He was trying to understand the Easter story.

It is natural for kids to use material things to try to understand other people. If we watch, girls do the same, it is just more socialbly acceptable for girls to almost everything boys do so we don't notice.

If husband gets too nervous, encourage him to spend some quality dad/son time. He can't tell difficult child not to wear pink, but he can involve him in the activities he would like to share with his son.

 

[butterfly31972]

My easy child loves the color pink. It is one of the colors that he recognizes. He is behind in his color and shape recognition.

He, like your son, loves Power Rangers and Cars and "boy" stuff. He just prefers that color maybe because it is bright???

 

[house of cards]

The bottom line is what can you do about it? I have an 8 yo that clearly will state he wants to be a girl. He wears girl clothing and a wig at home with great joy. Do I want this for him...No but I can't change it so I just try to build him up, accept it as best I can, and limit it from the public eye to portect him and his siblings. My attitude is this isn't a bad behavior or anything I should be ashamed of, My son is a kind, helpful, responsible, wonderful kid. If they all were like him I'd take 8 more, he is a gem. I knew at three that this was something that ran very deep in him even thou everyone else was saying that it was a stage, heck, my husband still wants to believe it is a stage. With your child, maybe it is, but if it isn't, it isn't the end of the world.