Hi everyone. Just venting. I've been reading the progress, and the frustrations, the heartbreak here. It's bittersweet. I don't know where I am. I know I'm doing OK. I'm finding joy here and there. But, I'm not finding it much easier to be hit over and over and over and not have it affect my life. We have not let our daughter move back in. That's been hard, but all we have to do is look at each other, look at our other children, and know it is the best choice. Christmas was hard. My daughter continues to admit she's an alcoholic who drinks daily. She uses weed and probably other things. She self-medicates. It has become who she is. She doesn't like it, but she doesn't dislike it enough to run from it. She's moved in with another using friend (one she's prostituted with and got in a car accident with). Neither has a job, but parties constantly and lives in an apartment. We can put two and two together. Makes me ill. She's still verbally abusive, and at times she is incredibly sweet and there are glimpses of the child that was. But right now, she's mostly a ticking timebomb of a mess. A sad, sad state to be in at such a young age. It is a difficult thing to reconcile to yourself as a parent, the things we have had to come to terms with. Somehow she was able to get to a psychiatrist appointment last week. She went drunk. They sent her to the local outpatient center where they aligned her with a spot in their outpatient program (same one she went to twice as a youth). I really don't know how someone shows up to a psychiatry appointment, drunk, and then goes to a treatment center, drunk, and then gets sent walking. Seems to me like it should have been a 1-way ticket to a detox center. I HATE THE SYSTEM. At any rate, this all happened Thursday. They sent her away and she's been drinking/partying all weekend. And now is going back (or that's the plan) today to start outpatient and get on some medication to keep her from drinking. OK then. I realize as I'm typing this it is making things worse for me, so I guess I'll just stop. I'm detached enough, sometimes it seems. But I'm numb? Any more and I would have no contact at all with my daughter. I don't know if that is healthy.