Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DammitJanet, Aug 9, 2009.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I saw on a post you made about one of your kids that he had been telling you that he now could understand his feelings or emotions.

    In the last few years that is what has happened to me too. It is an amazing insight. Like him, I only recognized two basic emotions- anger and calmness. I was either in a fit of rage or I was calm. I had no in between. I didnt know why I got angry either. I never knew that anger could "cover" for so many other underlying emotions. Learning that has opened a whole new world for me. Now I am able to tell someone, Hey...you are hurting my feelings so would you stop that please or I am gonna get upset. Or..Im scared, I need you to reassure me that everything is going to be ok.

    I am really insecure about Tony being out on the road driving the work van. I used to go off in a meltdown if he was late because I was terrified about what could have happened to him. I couldnt identify that feeling though so I would simply have a huge hissy fit when he walked in the door late and it would be a huge blow out complete with holes in the walls and anger on both parts. We finally solved that by getting two cellphones so I can always reach him and I learned that I was really scared instead of just angry.
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Janet (and Nvts), I think my husband has had a similar transformation in the last two years since going on a MS. He has a much greater range and depth of emotion, where before, like you, it was either angry and raging or not. He hasn't verbalized his understanding of this, yet (that's a man for you, I think).

    We no longer have screaming matches over things, and he is able to talk through stuff that before would send him into a nuclear meltdown. Talk about emotionally handicapped... But he is just a happier guy now. It's kinda sad that we went through 19 years of everything being such a struggle between us. And I'm still not completely used to it. Old habits are hard to break and sometimes I half-way expect another eruption at any moment, but I'm working on changing that in myself.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Janet! That's fantastic - it really does open a whole new world for you.

    difficult child 1 has been so expressive since this came into play. Most of it was due to the "no medications" decision, but he feels that most of it is due to the new baby. He says that when he looks at Evie, he feels hope and a total desire to make her proud to be his sister. He fawns over her CONSTANTLY - except when her diaper is dirty OR Phineas & Ferb are on!

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know...the baby may really have been a good thing. He can see her emotions and identify with them. Also she will probably idolize her big brothers. She will be young enough that she wont be close enough in age to irritate him like his next youngest sibling...lol. She will be mourning for him when he leaves home for college and he will think of her like his baby for life.