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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741074" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with everybody else. In this day and age weight loss is not rocket science. I am old and it is difficult to lose weight but when I wanted to lose some pounds I did so using Keto and intermittent fasting. The thing is <em>I wanted to do it. I did what it took. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Every single one of us here on the board suffers because we are too much in our children's business, or too identified with their story. And the grief is compounded because our kids use us to "kick the dog" because their lives become unmanageable. And then, they want us (the dog) to solve the problem. This site exists for us to step out of taking responsibility for their stories and step away from being their target.</p><p></p><p>Which is to say this: Nomad. Every single one of us feels empathy for you and every single one of us knows in our heart EXACTLY what she will do when she freaks out about the DRESS and BEING FAT. However. There is not one thing that I can see that you can do to avoid this train wreck, except to get out of the way. </p><p></p><p>You have anticipated (correctly) what will happen, because you are a thinking person. You feel dread. Because you know you will be her target. This is a stress response. You are beginning to anticipate this DANGER ahead and your body and mind are suffering already. <u>This is something that YOU are doing to you.</u>There is no judgement here. How could I judge? (We KNOW what I am like.)</p><p></p><p>If you recognize this, the thoughts that are stressing you out, and if you decide to see that you are doing this to YOU, you can step out of this thinking.</p><p></p><p>Einstein said something like this (paraphrased): <em>You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Now. How to do this. I think the first step might be to take some deep breaths and to let the tension drain out of you. Then I think that there could be the recognition that this is really not about you and not your responsibility. Do you personalize a thunder storm? Do you feel responsible for finding the solution to the wind? Do you believe that you are responsible for quieting a rooster that crows every morning? </p><p></p><p>I know this is not the same thing. </p><p></p><p>My sister was always mean to me. There are many people who betrayed me. Or did things to hurt me. When I think of these things my stomach tightens and my whole body constricts. I think: <em>Why, Why, Why did they do this to me? </em></p><p></p><p>Why do I persist in this? I am foolish. They do this because it is their nature. They want to. They feel they need to. They are indifferent. All of this is about them. Not me.</p><p></p><p>It really really is not about me, what my sister has done. I may be one of her targets but why do I have to take it on? There is only so much that can be done to us in this life. There is only one life and one life to give *in this lifetime. Why do I want to give over my life space and heart and precious time to reacting to the bad acts of others? There is a price to be paid by allowing the unreasonable, futile and mean action of others to intrude into our realm. We can define our realm and set boundaries to it. When the negativity enters we can see it for the lesson it is, and decide to let it go. </p><p></p><p>We are really not responsible for what others to do us. That is what I wish I had known years ago and how I want to think and be now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741074, member: 18958"] I agree with everybody else. In this day and age weight loss is not rocket science. I am old and it is difficult to lose weight but when I wanted to lose some pounds I did so using Keto and intermittent fasting. The thing is [I]I wanted to do it. I did what it took. [/I] Every single one of us here on the board suffers because we are too much in our children's business, or too identified with their story. And the grief is compounded because our kids use us to "kick the dog" because their lives become unmanageable. And then, they want us (the dog) to solve the problem. This site exists for us to step out of taking responsibility for their stories and step away from being their target. Which is to say this: Nomad. Every single one of us feels empathy for you and every single one of us knows in our heart EXACTLY what she will do when she freaks out about the DRESS and BEING FAT. However. There is not one thing that I can see that you can do to avoid this train wreck, except to get out of the way. You have anticipated (correctly) what will happen, because you are a thinking person. You feel dread. Because you know you will be her target. This is a stress response. You are beginning to anticipate this DANGER ahead and your body and mind are suffering already. [U]This is something that YOU are doing to you.[/U]There is no judgement here. How could I judge? (We KNOW what I am like.) If you recognize this, the thoughts that are stressing you out, and if you decide to see that you are doing this to YOU, you can step out of this thinking. Einstein said something like this (paraphrased): [I]You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it. [/I] Now. How to do this. I think the first step might be to take some deep breaths and to let the tension drain out of you. Then I think that there could be the recognition that this is really not about you and not your responsibility. Do you personalize a thunder storm? Do you feel responsible for finding the solution to the wind? Do you believe that you are responsible for quieting a rooster that crows every morning? I know this is not the same thing. My sister was always mean to me. There are many people who betrayed me. Or did things to hurt me. When I think of these things my stomach tightens and my whole body constricts. I think: [I]Why, Why, Why did they do this to me? [/I] Why do I persist in this? I am foolish. They do this because it is their nature. They want to. They feel they need to. They are indifferent. All of this is about them. Not me. It really really is not about me, what my sister has done. I may be one of her targets but why do I have to take it on? There is only so much that can be done to us in this life. There is only one life and one life to give *in this lifetime. Why do I want to give over my life space and heart and precious time to reacting to the bad acts of others? There is a price to be paid by allowing the unreasonable, futile and mean action of others to intrude into our realm. We can define our realm and set boundaries to it. When the negativity enters we can see it for the lesson it is, and decide to let it go. We are really not responsible for what others to do us. That is what I wish I had known years ago and how I want to think and be now. [/QUOTE]
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