Obsessions #2

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by isis, Nov 28, 2012.

  1. isis

    isis New Member

    We also deal with obsessions, yes, cell phone requests are among them. I just yelled at him, once, briefly, then I stopped! because it is just too insane: he wants a bigger outdoor trash can RIGHT NOW over and over all evening long (we don't need a bigger one and it costs more), and the recycling bin must now be picked up on the street instead of the alley, so the huge bin has been moved up 20 stairs to a different location and though I held him to one load of laundry today the next loads are being prepared (tripled water bill from this) to be done his way which may or may not be how I would like them done (i.e. the shrunken wool blankets) because I am 'an idiot, stupid' i.e. don't know how to do laundry as well as he. He should be in bed getting sleep for school tomorrow but won't go to bed until I resolve the trash can issue (which I'm not going to do). Right now, while I write, he's making deals about the trash can (none of which he would keep). So sad but so aggravating.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Are you sure he isn't Aspie? Just wondering... with that tendency to really hang onto a thought pattern...
     
  3. isis

    isis New Member

    Well, its hard to say I'm sure of anything about him really. He can be very obsessive, but I guess I've blamed it on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) related to anxiety as he is considered to have a severe anxiety issue. I can say this: when he was a little boy, 6 yrs old or so, he would be so focused on adults, and would often point out to me what they were feeling (i.e. there undercurrent of feeling, not what they were acting out).
    I also worry that this agitated (really agitated) cleaning and worrying about the garbage and recycling etc is manic. I never know if I'm wildly hypothesizing.
    He does tell me all of the time that he doesn't love anyone (he knows this is abnormal) and only loves our animals. Is that aspie? (I'm not talking about the times he's trying to get a rise out of me, more his random calm moments when he can seem to talk to me, briefly).
     
  4. isis

    isis New Member

    Actually, no. He can sense a flicker of displeasure in someone's face or voice. His super sensitivity seems to be one of the problems.
     
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Isis, even if he's not Aspie, (and by the way, anxiety is a huge component of Asperger's) I will recommend that you watch The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon is the one to keep an eye on. The dr who did my difficult child's testing recommended it and it saved my sanity. I couldn't believe that the things we go through could actually be funny. I love it.

    {{hugs}}
     
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Does he have successful relationships with same-age peers? Often "our" kids (Aspie or toward that spectrum) can handle adults quite well, but not their peers.
     
  7. isis

    isis New Member

    Not really. When he was younger, other kids seemed to love him. It was this weird thing where we were living one life at home and yet parents would randomly and spontaneously tell us how much they lovedhim, what a great kids he was, that his face seemed to glow (I'm not making this up) and other kids seemed really attracted to him.
    Now, he has very little interest in being with other kids and his prickly personality no longer invites other kids, and I think most adults think he's a little odd.
    But I really thought the hallmark of asperger's was the inability to percieve social cues. Do kids with Asperger's (as opposed to further down the Autistic spectrum where I understand they don't) display empathy? He definitely does, but maybe I am hanging on to that too much. I know a couple of Asperger kids and they have an affect different than M's. I really really don't want to have my head in the sand. If any of these assumptions are wrong, I would like to hear so.
     
  8. isis

    isis New Member

    OK, now he's just come back from buying yard waste bags (930 at night, small local grocery he can walk to). We don't need yard waste bags we have about 8 yard waste bins. And he's saying he's not going to school tomorrow. When I patiently explained (entirely ignoring the yard waste bags) that not going to school is his one job, and that if he does not go everything 'for' him stops he says "well, then, get me everything I want". Guess what he is referring to. A garbage can. It might sound kind of funny but he was so angry when he was told we are not buying a new garbage can (outside collection one, we dont need it) he was so mad I thought he might hit me. He didn't, but he could have.

    This running commentary the past couple of days is because he seems to be losing it, even more agitated and compulsive then usual. And I feel like I am losing it. I have no idea what to do. What's he going to do, stay home from school and rewash every washable item in the house? He has his psychiatrist tomorrow. I will talk to her briefly (its his appointment). She doesn't seem to be floating a lot of ideas now. Maybe he needs a medication change.
     
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    At his age? All it takes is a minor growth spurt to throw the medications off. been there done that. Mine went through such a HUGE growth spurt that we were adjusting at every appointment, 2 months apart, and it STILL wasn't often enough.
     
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you have an appointment. And I agree with-Insane, it could be a growth spurt. I'm sorry; I know it's a lot to handle.
     
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Your signature doesn't say if your son in taking any medications right now, but if he is I was going to say the same thing. My son is 13 and we've had to do a few medication increses this year because he just keeps growing! Between the growth spurts and the his hormones being all out of whack because of puberty, when his medications are not right he's just rages over the smallest things.
     
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Aspergers is as much on its own spectrum as other levels of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). I know some extremely caring and empathetic people with Aspergers (and other forms of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). My son gets very sad if his nana is in pain or if someone's feelings get hurt, but how he shows that depends on his state at the time). People with autism struggle with those things but still feel deeply for others.
    Younger kids, esp higher functioning autism often seem especially charming and interesting to others. They can seem like little adults caring for and running the show with kids. As social demands become more complex things finally start looking more like a struggle.
    That said, there are certainly other reasons people have obsessions and social challenges.
    What he said to you though? Very familiar to me. Just different obsessions.
     
  13. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Can I ask what brought on an obsession about a garbage can?
     
  14. isis

    isis New Member

    That's so funny, what brought on this particular obsession? I have no answer. It's just plain bizarre. He does that. It blindsides us because we never have any idea where his next bizarre demand is going to come from.
    He became obsessed with tide-pods (those little things you wash clothes with) about a month ago. So, I shop only at food co-ops, we are lucky to have one in Seattle that vets ingredients - they were banning sodium lauryl sulfate and PBAs in plastic bottles way before anyone else. (i.e. ingredients that have been shown to be possibly harmful to humans and that frequently other countries have also banned). I only buy organic food, grass fed beef, blah blah blah.

    Along sort of the same lines, we are pretty anti-screens. My kids go to a Waldorf school.

    My son hates this in me and thinks I'm coo-coo, and sees all of these positions of mine as another way we as a family are different (though not different than all of the other families at his school!)

    So, he somehow finds about these tidepods, which are not biodegradable so not something I would buy. He bought them with his own allowance. He started doing everyone's laundry. Is it defiance (I would never buy this detergent)? Is it wanting to be less 'abnormal' more 'like everyone else' (he likes to tell me which neighbors own tide pods)?
    I just try to let it all go.
    Then it morphs into 'we need plastic liners for all of the garbage cans' (there is a plastic bag ban in seattle, so it means actually buying plastic bags). Then it morphs into 'why do we have a smaller garbage can then everyone else' (a fact that if anything I am proud of - a family of 5 that doesn't make much trash!).
    etc etc etc.

    I'm really really trying to ignoring all of it, just wont' buy another trash can! And let me be clear: this is one of many many battles that I try so hard not to fight! I just picked one particularly ludicrous battle to explain. It is relentless. Every minute, every day.

    Of course he's growing! More medications! Yey! I'm so glad there may be a simple intervention! That's really helpful, I will bring it up today! He is on 40 of citalopram, just went from 2.5 to 5 of abilify and 20 of vyvanse.

    And I think we need to pursue asperger's. My husband, M's teacher at the time and I filled out a form for this about 2 years ago: on the teacher's scale he was in the range, on my husband's scale just below, on mine further below. Interesting discrepant results Thanks thanks ! this is helping me!
     
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