Odd news

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Jun 24, 2016.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Difficult Child is now in a condo about ten minutes from our home. We were helpful in making that happen.
    We had a crazy first week, largely because of her very peculiar (and worse) friends.

    BUT.... That is not the main purpose of this thread.

    Our Difficult Child has made friends with a professional woman! I'm in shock. I'm most grateful. But, a little ???? For the purpose of privacy , I won't say what profession but like a licensed Engineer, Nutritionist, Lawyer, Architect etc. She is successfully self employed.

    She is a good 12 years older than Difficult Child and I think a widow. She lives between our two homes. She struggles with computer programs, something Difficult Child is good at and pays Difficult Child a few dollars to fix computer issues etc.

    Talk about a Gift from G-d!

    This woman has convinced Difficult Child to get rid of most of her friends. She says they are low lives (that is kinda true).

    I just don't know what to make if this, but I'm grateful a stable person has shown an interest in her. She takes Difficult Child to lunch etc.

    Small catch: This nice woman is also caring for her young cousin who has a drug problem so sometimes she seems to have our daughter sort of "babysit" him at her home. One time she asked Difficult Child to accompany him to his therapy to make sure he went. So far, it hasn't been excessive and there has been more give than take.

    She also gives Difficult Child old ( but nice) clothes etc.

    Any thoughts?
     
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  2. rebelson

    rebelson Active Member

    Sounds very positive!
     
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  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well, a friend recently told us our son would never change unless he found a mentor, someone not us he could look up to and kind of guide him. So...maybe that's what yours has found?
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I like it! :)
     
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  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    She sounds like somebody who likes to take care of people. Always good for a young person to have a mentor.
     
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  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I think it sounds very positive too! Good for your Difficult Child in 2 ways, a mentor for her and she can be a positive figure for mentor's nephew.
     
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  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I've been waiting over twenty years for true help. I am totally and truly freaked out. So very grateful. Gob-smacked to the tenth degree. It is hard for me not to wait for the proverbial shoe to drop. Soooo grateful. Totally agree re a mentor! Near tears here. Should I light a candle?

    Thank you all.
     
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  8. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    My son found a mentor, older gentlemen, married, a Pastor who takes care of the lost in his town. He got him a room in one of his houses for him to live. He bought 4 houses to rent out to the down and out. Very nice place. Cable, utilities, shared kitchen and living room, bathrooms, etc. Very nice compared to what son has always lived in previously. He lived in bed bug, lice infested places for many years. He is doing well for now, volunteers at food bank and the church. Mentor keeps in contact and tells me he no longer looks homeless, cleaned up, shaved, etc. I have no idea how long it will last but for now, I am happy and at peace.

    A third party, non parent, non family mentor can make a difference to a young adult who is struggling.
     
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  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Sounds positive for the time being
     
  10. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    This sounds so encouraging Nomad. I am thankful along with you.
    Ironbutterfly, i remember your thread that told about this story with your son finding his mentor. My Difficult Child son, age 36, was just yesterday released from jail to a sober house program. Your story has been in my heart, and I pray that there may be some mentor out there to take an interest in my own son's life for good.

    Mentors bring a great hope for good for our DCs. As their parents, we just cannot help and fix them. We cannot be their mentors. I'm thankful with you, Nomad and Ironbutterfly.
    Take each day as a new day, possibilities for a new beginning. ~ Kalahou
     
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  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Maybe, over all the years with our difficult children, we have become cynical.

    Light that candle, Nomad.

    I will light one, too.

    You are close to difficult child. If the feel of the mentor relationship changes, you will know. But for now, yes ~ light the white candle.

    This is a beautiful story. Nomad, until I read it, I never realized how cynical I'd become.

    :choir:

    Cedar

    :hi5:
     
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  12. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    Oh Kalahou- So happy for you son is now released and at Sober house program; is a good start and I will pray as well, that your son will cross paths with a mentor for him. My son told me last week that this is the happiest he has been for many years. He has many Pastor mentors in his old city where he lived; they did try to help and change his course, but, he was too addicted to the drug life, party life, druggie girlfriend, homeless life to "break away" until he was forced to do so. He ended up moving down south, 4 states away.

    Yes, new beginnings and blessings to you and your son.
     
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  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    For adult children who can be rebellious, I brlieve third parties can weld far more true influence than parents. They dont offer the perks of love, money, possibly a roof, and they cant be manipulated by guilt. They offer only guidance without the baggage all of us carry with family.
     
  14. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly Active Member

    Yes, the guilt and emotional black-mail are the toughest to get through and be able to make decisions with the bead vs. the heart.
     
  15. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I continue to be amazed. Difficult Child is extremely overweight. I have been concerned because diabetes runs in her bio family.

    We can NOT mention any longer ANY slight indication of ways to lose weight like switching from whole milk to 2% etc. She gets very upset. So we don't talk about it any longer. And when her jean size continues to go up and now she is in a large size that is hard to find in the reg stores ...she is always shocked and angry. As if she had nothing to do with the change/increase. (No cause and effect reasoning)

    HOWEVER...she just told me she is buying 1% milk now because it is much better than WF milk. Plus she thinks she should cut out bread and sugar and actually has been trying to do this!!!! PLUS the biggest one by far, is she bought a small Diet Coke. WTH? I have mentioned all these things in the past (she thought all were stupid) and asked her to please drink mostly water , but an occasional small Diet Coke would be fine. Couldn't do it. Sometimes would get very angry.

    Anyway, this person she hangs out with does all these things ...so now she thinks they are smart and cool.

    She has no idea or recollection that these are things we've mentioned in the past that made her hopping angry

    It is amazing
     
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  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This other person isn't her parent or grandparent, sibling, uncle or aunt.
    If you're related? Saying anything bombs, big time.
    But, somehow, an "outsider" who cares can say these things and they "magically" become reasonable.

    Thank goodness for "outsiders" who care!
     
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  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am with PASA....I would stay neutral.

    First, I will say what I am impressed with: Your daughter's receptivity to this good influence, willingness to listen and to change, in response to her example and advice. All good.

    From my experience (with son) these things have not always turned out so good. This one could, but we do not know.

    For now, it is looking good. I think you help your daughter more by staying neutral. She really does not know this lady nor do you.

    The lady could turn out to be a mentor and friend, or a user or something else. We just do not have enough information.

    The important thing is how your daughter is responding. What it shows about her.
     
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    Last edited: Jun 27, 2016
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Copa....yep. I'm pleased she is mimicking the good behavior.
    I am on high alert re "user" behavior and did notice a possibility of something.
    Difficult Child has been used before with horrible consequences.
    This woman has the potential to destroy her.
    I am remaining neutral (in front of Difficult Child) because she has helped her a lot in a short period of time and Difficult Child would not believe anything re a warning and would rally against me should I issue one.
    Ive avoided becoming friendly with the woman etc. staying removed
     
  19. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I know! And we are like...that's what I said. And the kids are like "Oh."

    Very frustrating.

    But how pleased I am for you both that daughter is making all this positive change.

    A therapist told me once that everything I'd ever put into my children was still in there, and that because of it, they would be fine once they came through their adolescences. Which turned out not to be true, but eventually, now that I am no longer enabling, they are both beginning to do very well. Maybe, your daughter just needed a little push to begin and the Universe provided that in the form of the mentor.

    Thank goodness.

    Very pleased for her, Nomad.

    Cedar
     
  20. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Nomad:

    This sounds good for your daughter and try to just think happy thoughts for now and give your worried mind a break.

    Sometimes we just have to do that.

    This lady may really be a gift from God for her.
     
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