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ODD pre-teen
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 150755" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Hi and welcome. You will get many suggestions here but first and foremost you need to get him evaluated to find out what is really going on and if there are medications that can help. Remember that his problems are genetic, you need only to look at the father's problems to see that...and that your other children do not carry the same traits. I have much the same situation here with our 16 year old that we adopted at birth and is so far opposite to our 21 year old that it couldn't be more apparent that genes are the biggest factor. Knowing that does make me feel very badly for my daughter. She didn't ask to be born to a woman who had serious issues with subtance abuse. Yet she has to slay those dragons and take responsibility for her own actions.</p><p></p><p>You will have to change how you are use to parenting him because being militaristic will only cause him to defy you more. I have a problem with that too, I was raised to obey my parents and do it immediately. I found with my difficult child that she will do it in her own sweet time and the more I demand the more she refuses.</p><p></p><p>We've been through a lot with our daughter, more than I hope you ever have to go through. Next Thursday she will be going to juvenile court once again for domestic violence. Two years ago it was unruliness. We have called the police on her numerous times when things have gotten out of control and there may come a time when you have to do that too.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, get whatever help you can for your family. Being a stepparent you are walking a difficult line. ODD is a very difficult disorder to deal with for the whole family. You can treat all the other things around it and you are still left with the defiance. It is in their nature. But there is hope and it will take every bit of patience and love that you have. </p><p></p><p>I recently attended a workshop about troubled kids and the first thing we were told to do was to take stock of our lives, make sure that we as parents are doing everything we need to be doing to set a good example. That includes no drinking, swearing, violence, improper behavior, etc. Because our troubled kids will see that and absorb it and make it their own. That is why it was not a good idea to have him go live with his father. He needs the security and stability that your home can provide him so that the more he is surrounded with good the more it becomes a part of him.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 150755, member: 59"] Hi and welcome. You will get many suggestions here but first and foremost you need to get him evaluated to find out what is really going on and if there are medications that can help. Remember that his problems are genetic, you need only to look at the father's problems to see that...and that your other children do not carry the same traits. I have much the same situation here with our 16 year old that we adopted at birth and is so far opposite to our 21 year old that it couldn't be more apparent that genes are the biggest factor. Knowing that does make me feel very badly for my daughter. She didn't ask to be born to a woman who had serious issues with subtance abuse. Yet she has to slay those dragons and take responsibility for her own actions. You will have to change how you are use to parenting him because being militaristic will only cause him to defy you more. I have a problem with that too, I was raised to obey my parents and do it immediately. I found with my difficult child that she will do it in her own sweet time and the more I demand the more she refuses. We've been through a lot with our daughter, more than I hope you ever have to go through. Next Thursday she will be going to juvenile court once again for domestic violence. Two years ago it was unruliness. We have called the police on her numerous times when things have gotten out of control and there may come a time when you have to do that too. In the meantime, get whatever help you can for your family. Being a stepparent you are walking a difficult line. ODD is a very difficult disorder to deal with for the whole family. You can treat all the other things around it and you are still left with the defiance. It is in their nature. But there is hope and it will take every bit of patience and love that you have. I recently attended a workshop about troubled kids and the first thing we were told to do was to take stock of our lives, make sure that we as parents are doing everything we need to be doing to set a good example. That includes no drinking, swearing, violence, improper behavior, etc. Because our troubled kids will see that and absorb it and make it their own. That is why it was not a good idea to have him go live with his father. He needs the security and stability that your home can provide him so that the more he is surrounded with good the more it becomes a part of him. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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