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ODD pre-teen
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 151165" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi cdmcorp. Welcome.</p><p>I know how you feel. I am just resting a moment b4 I go into my son's room and strip it (again ... this happens 2-3 X a yr) of everything except mattress and 1 pr of clothes. (This incl. lightbulbs.)</p><p>I do it quietly and efficiently while he's out of the house so we can't antagonize one another (see how that works, lol! don't mess with-me when I have PMS).</p><p>I suggest you sign up for family counseling (with-o the babies, etc.; you, your stepson and your wife) because you need a mediator. Bring a notebook. You will get lots of good ideas from a good family therapist and you will need to restrain your enthusiasm and only focus on one behavior at a time. For example, just start with his mouthing off. Ea time he mouths off, quietly place an X or something on a chart and if he's got, say, 6 X's, he loses his cell phone privileges for the rest of the day. </p><p>It has to start out small so he doesn't blow up. Bit by bit you take back control.</p><p>We've all been through it. We are all still going through it.</p><p>Also, once he starts to behave (and he will, because he's only 11 and feels very unloved, and security is what he needs right now--just look at how his family has been torn apart) then he'll backslide, and you merely go back to square one and do the steps all over again.</p><p>Consistency is the theme. I don't sense any consistency in your note (which was very thorough and helpful, by the way). If you're military, then you know how good it feels when you've got all your ducks in a row and you know what to expect every day. Come up with-your own plan.</p><p> </p><p>Also, read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It will really help you understand and re-categorize. When you mentioned giving up power to get it, that book explains how. It's a re-structuring of rules and perceptions. It does NOT mean giving up control. Seriously. You will get it back.</p><p> </p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 151165, member: 3419"] Hi cdmcorp. Welcome. I know how you feel. I am just resting a moment b4 I go into my son's room and strip it (again ... this happens 2-3 X a yr) of everything except mattress and 1 pr of clothes. (This incl. lightbulbs.) I do it quietly and efficiently while he's out of the house so we can't antagonize one another (see how that works, lol! don't mess with-me when I have PMS). I suggest you sign up for family counseling (with-o the babies, etc.; you, your stepson and your wife) because you need a mediator. Bring a notebook. You will get lots of good ideas from a good family therapist and you will need to restrain your enthusiasm and only focus on one behavior at a time. For example, just start with his mouthing off. Ea time he mouths off, quietly place an X or something on a chart and if he's got, say, 6 X's, he loses his cell phone privileges for the rest of the day. It has to start out small so he doesn't blow up. Bit by bit you take back control. We've all been through it. We are all still going through it. Also, once he starts to behave (and he will, because he's only 11 and feels very unloved, and security is what he needs right now--just look at how his family has been torn apart) then he'll backslide, and you merely go back to square one and do the steps all over again. Consistency is the theme. I don't sense any consistency in your note (which was very thorough and helpful, by the way). If you're military, then you know how good it feels when you've got all your ducks in a row and you know what to expect every day. Come up with-your own plan. Also, read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It will really help you understand and re-categorize. When you mentioned giving up power to get it, that book explains how. It's a re-structuring of rules and perceptions. It does NOT mean giving up control. Seriously. You will get it back. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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