Oedipus Complex

Discussion in 'Healthful Living / Natural Treatments' started by wareagle2334, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. wareagle2334

    wareagle2334 New Member

    I am not sure where to post this so I chose here. Let me preface this by saying I am not a parent but will be sometime in the near future Lord willing. Also, if the mother of this child sees this I apologize. I do not mean to offend I am generally concerned.

    I know a child we will call him Dave. Dave's mom went out of town for a night and most of a day. Dave was staying the night with a family member. Dave has been crying wanting his mother. Dave is 11 years old. He has a stuffed animal and blanket he sleeps with. The family friend took Dave to get his pillow that they forgot and Dave took his mothers pillow case to put on his own pillow. Dave also has a dirty shirt with deodorant stains of his mothers to sleep in.
    This may not sound bad but this is only one case and it always happens like this. Dave also treats his father like dirt and calls him by his first name.

    Dave has attitude problems as well. He is always snapping and he is one of the most obnoxious children I have ever met. I could go into more detail but for now this seems like enough.
     
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I guess I don't know what you want. Are you asking a question? Maybe it would help if you told us what YOU think of all this.
     
  3. wareagle2334

    wareagle2334 New Member

    I feel that this child if not treated will develop some very serious issues later in life. I find it disturbing this level of attachment, and I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. At that age I was as independent as I could be. I know some children are more attached to parents than others, but never have I seen something this bad. I want to know if others have seen or have a similar situation, if the child and parents should visit a therapist and if it would be too offensive of me to bring this up to the parent. I just remember my child hood, every friend of mine and even now my 5 year old niece and none have this problem. My niece has separation anxiety, but I can understand that because her mother has left here one more than one occasion. “Dave” has no reason to be like this unless it is his mother babying him to a great extent.
     
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You don't know that.

    There can be any number of complex developmental issues involved, and as someone not in the immediate inside circle, you may not have been told any details. Or, he may have significant challenges that have not been diagnosed yet. "His mother babying him"... is very likely NOT the cause. This doesn't mean the child does not have challenges and issues to be addressed... obviously, these exist.

    As a parent who has had to endure all sorts of negative response from unsympathetic family... this kind of reaction will be of no help to "Dave" or his parent(s).
     
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, I do agree with Insane Cdn. Sometimes (always?) people make judgements meaning well and believing them to be true but really these judgements just reflect ignorance and lack of empathy, in a sense. We all do it. But it is perhaps more helpful to try to imagine being in the other person's position rather than outside it and judging.
     
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    What is your relationship with Dave and his mother? I'm guessing not very close or you would know more about his "condition".
    Should Dave and his mother be in therapy? By what you have written, most definitely yes! How do you know they aren't already there?
    If the parents aren't aware that this is an issue, should they be told? Absolutely, but I'd venture to guess they have been told several times and choose to live in denial instead.

    My best mom advice, if you really feel the need to get involved in this family's issues, is to wait for an opening. In other words, mom is comfortable enough to confide in you and starts to complain to you about Dave's clingyness. Once she's opened such a door to you go ahead and walk in and express your concerns and opinions (GENTLY and without judgement). Without such an 'invitation' any advice or concern is unsolicited and unwanted. Offering unsolicited advice is the best way to make sure that you will NEVER get the opportunity to help this child.
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you feel "dave" has significant behavior issues... and want to be supportive... maybe you could find a way to send his mother "here" to us... where she'd have a supportive circle that she might be missing? You'd have to be careful in how you even present that, but... sometimes the best help is subtle and simple.
     
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi, I agree with the others. I can understand your concern. children who have special needs that affect behavior but who look "normal" and can say things to cover up their limitations (my son says I dont care, I wanted you to be mad, etc... just so others wont know he has a brain injury--doesn't want to be in special education!)....it is just really easy to judge.

    I have had people say that my child is the rudest child they have ever met. that he fully well knows what he is doing. Do I go around telling them about the MRI that shows the parts of his brain that are damaged and cut out from the brain mass he suffered when he was age 2??? NO...NOT their business. Do I run around saying.... Make way... child with autism coming through!!! NOPE, again not their business.

    If having transition objects like shirts and pillow cases... that help him to feel calmer and keep from having even more behavioral difficulties is what he needs... then that is a WIN. Often families have so many issues with kids like this that there have to be priorities set. Calling his dad by his first name (which if he has some kinds of developmental issues may be a form of echolalia where people say what they hear others say... he likely does not hear others call his dad "dad" ) may be really low on the priority list and may be part of a speech and language disorder.

    I would encourage you, if you do feel the need to be helpful to this family.... to take out the judgement words. Maybe say I have noticed sometimes it can really be a challenge...is there anything I can do to help? Until you have lived a life like this.... from this side, I would really encourage you to come from a place of kindness and encouragement. You took the time to post here so I assume you have a heart that cares. Maybe you can be a blessing to this family???
     
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wareagle, there could be MANY things going on in Dave's life that you have no idea even exists. Or there could have been things when he was younger that still have lingering effects. I would strongly encourage you not to make assumptions about any child. No one knows that my sons were sexually abused by a babysitter when they were 3 and difficult child 1 still has major attachment issues and he's almost 14 now. HE doesn't even remember it but professionals have linked some of his behavior back to that issue. The effects still linger just under the surface and yes, he is VERY attached to me.
     
  10. wareagle2334

    wareagle2334 New Member

    I really appreciate all of your comments. I never meant to sound judgmental and I do have a close relationship to the child. I chose not to go into great detail in order to keep the mother from being offended if she finds this forum.

    Dave is a smart kid and does well in school, and if you'd like to use the word "normal" well then he is a fairly normal child. He thinks he knows everything and only wants to play video games. I really appreciate everyone's words minus some of the ones that I felt were lashing out at me. Dave has two older sisters and both his father dad or daddy. I am a very open minded person and quite psychological. I just felt as if this was unhealthy behavior for future development. In my own life if it were my child I would be very worried about how he was maturing. Granted I wouldn't want him to grow up too fast and to enjoy childhood, but being so close to teenage years I wonder how fast he will really grow up. If that makes sense at all.
     
  11. keista

    keista New Member

    This is your conundrum. You did not post more detail out of fear of offending the mother. How exactly do plan to get this child into some sort of therapy without offending the mother?

    By your descriptions, he does not sound like a "normal" child at all. "Normal" kids do not believe they know everything and only want to play video games all the time. "Normal" children have a more logical understanding of their place in the world and have more diverse interests (although may be perfectly happy playing video games for extended periods.
     
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You can be over-the-top "smart", and still have severe developmental challenges. You can actually be quite "slow", academically, and still meet the developmental expectations of the world around you.

    As for "normal"? You're concerned about behaviours that you do not believe are "normal" - and I will agree with you, they are not "typical" for a kid his age. He definitely isn't "average" by any measure... and that's what most people mean by "normal".

    As Keista said... without more details, we are too much in the dark to be able to offer more detailed responses based on our experiences.
     
  13. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    If you're willing and able to, you need to place your relationship with the mom to the side and do what you feel is best for the kid. If you truly feel strongly that this child will have, or already has, emotional developmental problems, then speak directly with the mom yourself, without using hints or sending her to some website.

    Make a list of particular behaviors you see that are worrisome to you. Think about each one carefully. Think about any things the mom may have said in passing that would lead you to believe she has her own concerns. Perhaps mention the episode with the sleep over and pillow and ask her what SHE thinks of that. The bit about him calling his father by his first name, this really isn't that uncommon in families affected by divorce and step parents - especially if he was young when this occurred. It can be confusing for little kids to figure out who should be called what depending on their direct or daily involvement in their lives. I'd say that really isn't much of an issue. The disrespectful attitude - a different story and not for you to figure out. Loving video games and being a know it all at age 11 is not all that uncommon for some boys - they can be quite obnoxious at that age. You describe my nephew perfectly in this regard. He is still a know it all and, in fact, because he is so intellectually bright, he's even more annoying than if he was a dolt. I can see this getting on your nerves, but again, it's really not your business.

    Back to the bit about needing a smelly shirt of his moms...that is disturbing to me as well. And if I were you, that is what I would be wondering about and I think if you're that concerned and are somewhat close with the family, it's perfectly acceptable for you to broach the topic with his mom. Get the scoop - find out what's what. But, be prepared. The mom could be very put off by your observations and/or comments and either she will distance herself or cut you off. Hopefully, she will listen to you and do some thinking herself. Perhaps she's thought something wasn't quite right and just hasn't dealt with it yet. Or, maybe she is already aware of an issue and just hasn't shared it with you.

    Best of luck~
     
  14. concerned mom

    concerned mom New Member

    I'm not sure just what to say about this but we can't judge, at one time I probably would of thought that a little weird. But, after what I was faced with yesterday totally blew my mind. It was Mother's Day and my son wanted to go fishing and since I was in town I told him yes that sounds great. He actually lives with his father. We were in his truck and he said can I massage your feet? Made me uncomfortable. Then he said I like you mom. I said well I love you, he said no I like you like a girlfriend. I was shocked. I hugged him and said I'm your mom and your my son. I don't know what to do.


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