I have my Facebook set up so that if my son posts anything I'm notified. While I will look at what he posts I am good about dismissing his ramblings. A couple of weeks ago I had a notification so I looked to see what he posted. He was complaining about how messed up his life is and how no one cares about him and that his own parents don't inquire about how he's doing. I've learned over the years to not act in haste so I thought about it and decided I would send him a private message (that is the only way I will communicate with him on Facebook). I told him that I had seen his post and I reminded him that we have always been there for him. I reminded him of the many times we have gone out or our way to help him but in the end he was the one who distanced himself from us and treated us with such disdain and disrespect. I reminded him that we have lived in the same house and have the same phone numbers but he's the one who has moved around from state to state, town to town and without a phone which makes it difficult to inquire about how he's doing. We have only had contact with him via Facebook for about the past 6 months, he still doesn't have a phone and pretty much couch surfs or his homeless. I also reminded him that the only time he reaches out to us is when he wants something, that he never once has asked how we are doing. Not once has he asked how his dad is doing since he started having grand mal seizures. I reminded him that he chose to live his life on his terms and while we don't agree with his choices we have not interfered. I told him that I was sorry to hear he was struggling and that his dad and I love him very much and that we pray for him. We "chatted" back and forth for a little while and I could see the old patterns forming so I ended with "Son, know that dad and I love you very much we always will" he replied that he loved us too. A couple of days later I was notified that he had posted something so I checked it out. He was asking if anyone would trade a guitar for his Kindle. The following day I went to look at his page and it's gone, he's gone. I did my sleuthing to see if he had blocked me but he deactivated his Facebook account. So now he's off the grid again and I am back to not knowing where he is or how he is. It's such a double edge sword, it hurts to know and it hurts not to know. I accepted a long time ago that there may come a time that I never hear from him again. I also have accepted the fact that someday I may get a phone call from a coroner. Once again, my heart is breaking. Through all the chaos and heartbreak I will always love my son. He is my one and only child. I will continue to live my life and do my best to make the most of it. Hubby and I are leaving in a week for Antigua. I find sitting on the beach and watching the waves to be very therapeutic. Thanks warrior parents for listening and caring.