oh gosh you guys... give me board guts here!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    So the law advocate just called. She said that she was talking to the director of Special Education about another meeting she has and said she wanted to talk about another kid. She mentioned Q's name and I guess the lady knows him (now understand we have 20 elementary schools, six middle schools, six highschools, several early childhood programs, three separate Special Education. programs including transition plus and pathways ebd program....) and I have never met the woman so ???? I guess we are news in her office.

    Law advocate asked if she had met me and she said no but she has heard good things, that was good to hear (whew). Anyway she said she has had concerns from day one when she met the school people at the end of Nov. She told her about hte issues with the psychologist and she said she has known this director for many years and has made complaints against staff and this has never happened. She said that she NEEDS me to put it all in writing. That she herself is very concerned.

    I am not really happy, that would not be the right word... she had said she was going to make my day and I thought she meant that we found the perfect placement, but sadly it is not really directly about Q. Anyway, she said in her experience with this director, when there is more silence there is more going on and she always sees some results after. Law advocate asked that nothing happen where it could come back to hurt me or Q in anyway and she said, no there is a way this will be handled...so she feels this is not the first issue.

    I am just thinking that back when he told everyone at the IEP meeting that he grabbed Q by the arm, and I brought it up with the sp ed coordinator (not the director, those under her) and also mr sp ed admin that they must have said something which I would think they would be compelled to do because they would not want to be caught off guard if someone called cps. I didn't but they are acting in roles as mandated reporters so I wonder if they did.

    I simply do not (you all know I have said this) like to think of "getting someone fired" though I would have been happy if those two bus drivers would have been fired..... but I would like him on their radar. I think if you have trouble with anger/temper, you really need to not be the person who is called to any kind of behavior crisis. He may have good skills in other areas but maybe not with this kind of kid. I am hoping that is what is going on. (Unless there is way more to the story that I dont know)

    I am going to look at the threads I have here and what I have written in my notes/journal about school etc. and then will put it together. I think this is not as good news as law advocate thought it would be to me, but I am going to do what is right because Q is not the only behavior challenge in that school. I just keep thinking that if he has fully admitted and I have witnessed things, what is happening behind the scenes.

    Feeling pretty nervous and my headache has moved to the right side more than the left and so I think I will wait to write it tomorrow.
    Any advice you guys have for how to word things, I am open. I was told that they know that I am pretty reliable and have worked with the school here for several years with no complaints so they feel it is a pretty credible concern. OK, once again gonna get my conflict hating butt off the chair and do it.
  2. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    It is a chore, but it is good that someone is willing to act.
    Wether someone gets fired over this whole mess or not is NONE of your concerns.
    You are simply stating a series of events. Sure, you have and will voice your opinion on how unacceptable it is. But ultimately, you don't make the decision so don't even worry about potential concequences on others.
    Your sole worry: the truth and Q's best interest (and probably other kids just like Q).
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks, that helps... I know that but my little voice inside wobbles. I will do it, just wish it felt better.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Ktllc said what I was thinking. You are only writing a form of formal complaint. What happens is NOT on YOU. It is on the psychiatric and I don't know of any place that would fire a professional just from what you've said. My guess is that there is a LOT more and yours will only be a dot on the page in comparison.

    YOU are not responsible for the psychiatric keeping their job or not. As with many of our difficult child's, it is their CHOICES that lead to the consequences. WE as adults have to deal with the consequences of our decisions, why shouldn't the psychiatric. YOU did not cause any of this, the psychiatric did.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    As always, thanks TeDo, I appreciate the cheering on...

    I have come a long way in life, but I do always want things to work out happy.... want to forgive etc. But this is too much so as I said, I think Q is in my life for a reason.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Often - they DON'T get fired - they get shuffled into a different position where they don't have as much power/direct contact/etc. - usually, parallel $ and benefits, but kinda hidden away.

    If they don't... if they actually do lose their job - then it will NOT be based on what you wrote, your comments will just be the "final straw" - because they NEVER go that route unless its way beyond blatant (e.g. sexual abuse of a minor would be beyond blatant...)

    SO... be like the old farmer up against the crafty lawyer... all he had to do was tell the truth. It didn't matter how many questions they threw at him, his story held together, because all he told was the truth.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I haven't checked his license... I dont know how long he has been in this district. One issue could be that if this is his third year they have to make a decision on tenure and if they dont get it they have to go.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    TeDo is 100% right. The consequences of the report are NOT your problem. Actually, buddy, the consequences other than him not being around Q are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. If he loses his job or not, that is NOT your business.

    Your business is Q. Your business is writing the complaint and protectingg Q's rights and Q's person, BOTH of which this person has violated. psychiatric CHOSE to violate Q's rights, to touch him in a way that he KNEW violated the LAW. For every incident you know about, there are probable 10 or more that you are unaware of.

    What happens to psychiatric is psychiatric's business. If he loses his job, then it was not the right job for him to have. Really, it isn't the right job because he cannot follow the law and do the job in a way that HELPS but rather is doing it in a way that HURTS.

    You write the report. Protect your son. You have no duty, no responsibility and no RIGHT to protect psychiatric. HE has those jobs.

    I am proud of you for getting the law advocate involved, for standing up for Q appropriately, and for handling this in an adult, mature and appropriate way. You haven't grabbed psychiatric and wrestled him to the ground and held him there for several minutes when HE was acting aggressively - and you never would.

    Sadly in schools there are people who are awesome with adults and make great impressions and manage to get promoted to positions of power but they don't respect kids as people or have some other problem and they end up abusing the children they were hired to help. It can be HARD to get them away from kids because they believe they are the best at their job and they are great with the social stuff our kids have such problems with. Sooner or later they get overconfident and start bragging about the things they have done and people realize how wrong their actions are - people who haven't been at their mercy. Then hopefully they get moved to positions that better suit their skills and are away from those they hurt. This is what this psychiatric is, the kind of person he is.

    This complaint won't get him fired. HIS actions, HIS choices will. Period.
  9. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I am here to cheer you on!!!!

    YaY u can dooo it a's the waterboy said lol!!
  10. jal

    jal Member

    Buddy it isn't your fault if someone gets fired ESPECIALLY for physically mishandling your child. My child has been mishandled twice in his life. Once in a daycare setting. A parent called CPS on the teacher. The next he was mishandled in 1st grade in his out of district placement by his own teacher. She was reported to CPS by staff and fired immediately with no adverse effect on us or him. No one has the right to do that and you should fight it with all you've got. H*ll with being nice about it.
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I doubt the person would be fired. Disciplined, yes. Taught to handle things better - for sure. But fired? At a senior level, they can't afford to lose people. Too ,much time and experience would be wasted. But if they do decide to fire the person, you can bet it's a lot bigger than just you and Q and well-deserved.

    Not your problem. But Q is your problem and needs to see that you will go to bat. Our kids need to see that they are worth fighting for. Otherwise they learn to be doormats, because they see it as what they deserve.

    My kids have seen me fighting for them. I remember a few times when my mother fought for me. It taught me well. There have been times when I picked a battle I should not have, but I learned how to back off when I had to. Most of the time I had to stick at something once I got it started. You can't walk away halfway through a battle if you still believe you are in the right. Pick your battles, but when it's your kid, that is a worthwhile battle.