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Substance Abuse
Oh how naive I have been.....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 479633" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I urge you to go to alanon/narcanon meetings starting NOW. Yes, your son is the addict, but YOU need meetings and a 12 Step program as does EVERYONE in the family. This includes difficult child, husband, siblings, EVERYONE. You ALL have codependent behaviors. It is what it is, and change is hard hard hard. But alanon/narcanon (around here they don't care what the drug of choice is, you are welcome at either group at any time) is a HUGE help because it gives you in real life support as often as you want it. I urge you to do 7 in 7 and as close to 30 in 30 as you can.</p><p></p><p>7 in 7 means to go to 7 meetings n 7 days. Yes, as a loved one you NEED this. Go to different places/times and not the same place/time every time. Each meeting is different and has a different "feel" even if it is the same people. The goal of 30 in 30 will really help you figure out which meetings are the best fit, plus they help you really grasp what is going on and what you NEED to do to help yourself and your family. It also helps you see that you cannot do this for your child, which is one of the toughest lessons of all. Even if your husband won't go, or if you hate the first few meetings you attend, PLEASE keep going. It really can help.</p><p></p><p>One of the benefits of YOU going to alanon is that having family who are active in recovery gives the addict a 30% higher chance of getting/staying sober. Yup. that big a difference. Of course you can't force difficult child to be sober, but you CAN learn how you enable him and you can become healthier and less codependent. Meetings also help you get away from that "we have to do something NOW NOW NOW!!!!! Christmas will be too late!!" urgency.</p><p></p><p>That urgency is what many of us feel when we realize a loved one is in big trouble. It is normal, but is not real. Until/unless the addict feels the need to get sober, NOTHING we do will make it happen. That is the hardest part about addiction. A wilderness program MAY be a way to force him to be sober, and it MAY help. But it also may not and may make thngs worse. </p><p></p><p>I don't have experience with Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/tbs. I know some parents here have had great results, some have had bad results, some have had no change in their child, and some have had the placement be abusive. I know that the rehab my adult bro went to was amazing, and I would encourage it for any who wanted to find a rehab. It s part of a group of rehabs, but is very successful because from what I have heard they are just good places and they do what they are supposed to. I can pm the info if you are interested in seeing if there is one around you.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, the bottom line is that you cannot force your son to be sober - only he can do that. This is a HUGE reason why you and husband NEED alanon/narcanon. It is possibly the hardest part of having an addicted child, in my opinion - that knowledge that you cannot make them be sober and cannot stop them if they don't want sobriety.</p><p></p><p>You have my thoughts and prayers, (((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 479633, member: 1233"] I urge you to go to alanon/narcanon meetings starting NOW. Yes, your son is the addict, but YOU need meetings and a 12 Step program as does EVERYONE in the family. This includes difficult child, husband, siblings, EVERYONE. You ALL have codependent behaviors. It is what it is, and change is hard hard hard. But alanon/narcanon (around here they don't care what the drug of choice is, you are welcome at either group at any time) is a HUGE help because it gives you in real life support as often as you want it. I urge you to do 7 in 7 and as close to 30 in 30 as you can. 7 in 7 means to go to 7 meetings n 7 days. Yes, as a loved one you NEED this. Go to different places/times and not the same place/time every time. Each meeting is different and has a different "feel" even if it is the same people. The goal of 30 in 30 will really help you figure out which meetings are the best fit, plus they help you really grasp what is going on and what you NEED to do to help yourself and your family. It also helps you see that you cannot do this for your child, which is one of the toughest lessons of all. Even if your husband won't go, or if you hate the first few meetings you attend, PLEASE keep going. It really can help. One of the benefits of YOU going to alanon is that having family who are active in recovery gives the addict a 30% higher chance of getting/staying sober. Yup. that big a difference. Of course you can't force difficult child to be sober, but you CAN learn how you enable him and you can become healthier and less codependent. Meetings also help you get away from that "we have to do something NOW NOW NOW!!!!! Christmas will be too late!!" urgency. That urgency is what many of us feel when we realize a loved one is in big trouble. It is normal, but is not real. Until/unless the addict feels the need to get sober, NOTHING we do will make it happen. That is the hardest part about addiction. A wilderness program MAY be a way to force him to be sober, and it MAY help. But it also may not and may make thngs worse. I don't have experience with Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/tbs. I know some parents here have had great results, some have had bad results, some have had no change in their child, and some have had the placement be abusive. I know that the rehab my adult bro went to was amazing, and I would encourage it for any who wanted to find a rehab. It s part of a group of rehabs, but is very successful because from what I have heard they are just good places and they do what they are supposed to. I can pm the info if you are interested in seeing if there is one around you. Sadly, the bottom line is that you cannot force your son to be sober - only he can do that. This is a HUGE reason why you and husband NEED alanon/narcanon. It is possibly the hardest part of having an addicted child, in my opinion - that knowledge that you cannot make them be sober and cannot stop them if they don't want sobriety. You have my thoughts and prayers, (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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