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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 376021" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Star has some good points. With the grandkids closer you will be more likely to take any amt of money that you do have to spend it on shoes for them, etc... So will N and even easy child will, thinking that her kids will be able to use them secondhand, or to give them her kids' clothes when they are outgrown, rather than putting them in a garage sale or consignment store.</p><p> </p><p>K and her man were able to get bus fare to a place much closer to you, knowing they had no prospects and they both had to know that there are few jobs in any area, esp cities where so many are out of work. K and her man are NOT that naive that they really believed that any part of St Louis was the land of milk and honey and opportunity and easy jobs. St Louis was likely chosen because it is close enough to K's family that the family might bring them "home" where they had an easier target to try to mooch off of. I have been pondering this for quite a while, and Star posted the thoughts that kept occuring to me. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe if K shows much clearer signs of trying to care for herself and her family, like going to a DV place if she is truly over her husband and getting help so that she doesn't choose another guy just like him, and shows these signs for qutie a while, it would seem like a better idea to help them get closer to you. I don't fully agree with what Star says about lying to your parents when your family has no food, but I do think K has shown very few signs of really wanting to change and of taking steps to make a better life.</p><p> </p><p>So far it seems that her plans are to wait until you/your family brings her closer and <em>then</em> start to do more to make a better life. This would be a far easier choice for you if she was showing any REAL progress toward a better life other than just letting you know how she misses family "support" and wants to go to school if only she lived closer. </p><p> </p><p>I don't remember much about when she left you, other than hearing about it later, but those warnings in the back of your head, and in your gut, that make this such a hard decision, are warnings you NEED to heed. It is very interesting that her "breakthrough" of wanting to leave the guy behind and of wanting to "go to school" and "build a better life" are coming just as you are about to graduate school and start your career as an LPN. It is just WAAAAAYYYYY to convenient, in my humble opinion.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever you choose, you have my support, but I wanted to throw this out there.</p><p> </p><p>in my humble opinion if she really wants to be near family she will find a way to EARN the money doing some kind of work. Until then, maybe she needs to stay there a while longer. </p><p> </p><p>You aren't moving anytime soon, after all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 376021, member: 1233"] Star has some good points. With the grandkids closer you will be more likely to take any amt of money that you do have to spend it on shoes for them, etc... So will N and even easy child will, thinking that her kids will be able to use them secondhand, or to give them her kids' clothes when they are outgrown, rather than putting them in a garage sale or consignment store. K and her man were able to get bus fare to a place much closer to you, knowing they had no prospects and they both had to know that there are few jobs in any area, esp cities where so many are out of work. K and her man are NOT that naive that they really believed that any part of St Louis was the land of milk and honey and opportunity and easy jobs. St Louis was likely chosen because it is close enough to K's family that the family might bring them "home" where they had an easier target to try to mooch off of. I have been pondering this for quite a while, and Star posted the thoughts that kept occuring to me. Maybe if K shows much clearer signs of trying to care for herself and her family, like going to a DV place if she is truly over her husband and getting help so that she doesn't choose another guy just like him, and shows these signs for qutie a while, it would seem like a better idea to help them get closer to you. I don't fully agree with what Star says about lying to your parents when your family has no food, but I do think K has shown very few signs of really wanting to change and of taking steps to make a better life. So far it seems that her plans are to wait until you/your family brings her closer and [I]then[/I] start to do more to make a better life. This would be a far easier choice for you if she was showing any REAL progress toward a better life other than just letting you know how she misses family "support" and wants to go to school if only she lived closer. I don't remember much about when she left you, other than hearing about it later, but those warnings in the back of your head, and in your gut, that make this such a hard decision, are warnings you NEED to heed. It is very interesting that her "breakthrough" of wanting to leave the guy behind and of wanting to "go to school" and "build a better life" are coming just as you are about to graduate school and start your career as an LPN. It is just WAAAAAYYYYY to convenient, in my humble opinion. Whatever you choose, you have my support, but I wanted to throw this out there. in my humble opinion if she really wants to be near family she will find a way to EARN the money doing some kind of work. Until then, maybe she needs to stay there a while longer. You aren't moving anytime soon, after all. [/QUOTE]
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