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Oh my, what a night! Long, sorry so much stress
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 36341" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>I am extremely grateful for the support you all have given me, and to Marguerite, for the information you supplied regarding our little breath-holding experience, Thank you. This is what I THOUGHT was the case, but I was not CERTAIN about that. </p><p></p><p>Seems everyone is in agreeance that the homework is a basket C issue, however there is one thing you must consider...the fact that our difficult child was placed with us by CPS and that they are still in charge of her until July changes EVERYTHING in regards to our priorities in the "baskets". It seems our caseworker does not have much experience with "explosive" and "inflexible" children (which surprises me, considering the trauma of being "in the system" is usually enough to make children manifest behavioral problems). So until she is officially ours, come July, instead of our "non-negotiable, basket A's" being the things that are important for her, they most definitely HAVE to be the things that CPS points out as important. The biggest of these probably being homework. This is our biggest battle and one that needs to be put on the back burner as most of you have suggested, however, the word on the street is, that CPS can have her removed from our home if we allow her to fail her classes. And it has happened once before, in her second foster home, and miraculously, in her third home, she managed mostly A's and B's on her own. But then she moved in with us and suddenly, she is set up on refusing to do any homework and she is okay with the idea of failing, because she says it is "easier than spending HER time working on SCHOOL stuff." and When I mentioned that she was dangerously close to failing, she said "I don't care".</p><p></p><p>My other problem, with the breath-holding thing though, is that it seems like she is always trying one dangerous thing after another, and it just seems to be getting worse. I mean, first she was only threatening to kill herself, never actually did ANYTHING to hurt herself, but then all of a sudden, she started doing this thing with banging her head on the wall/floor and she was doing it hard enough to leave bruises, then she tried cutting herself (thankfully, that was not a pleasant experience for her and she decided she would not try that again), but now the breath-holding thing. I just can't help but think that SOMETHING has to be done to stop this stuff before she really does something to hurt herself. But she refuses to discuss these feelings with her therapist, and I personally am not sure that her therapist is agressive enough with her at working on these issues. Her bad feelings go back a long way, and until someone takes the time to drag all that up from our difficult child and make her face it and make her deal with it, I am afraid she may not get better. I know that it will be painful and unpleasant for her to have to face all these old issues, but I fear it is the only way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 36341, member: 3527"] I am extremely grateful for the support you all have given me, and to Marguerite, for the information you supplied regarding our little breath-holding experience, Thank you. This is what I THOUGHT was the case, but I was not CERTAIN about that. Seems everyone is in agreeance that the homework is a basket C issue, however there is one thing you must consider...the fact that our difficult child was placed with us by CPS and that they are still in charge of her until July changes EVERYTHING in regards to our priorities in the "baskets". It seems our caseworker does not have much experience with "explosive" and "inflexible" children (which surprises me, considering the trauma of being "in the system" is usually enough to make children manifest behavioral problems). So until she is officially ours, come July, instead of our "non-negotiable, basket A's" being the things that are important for her, they most definitely HAVE to be the things that CPS points out as important. The biggest of these probably being homework. This is our biggest battle and one that needs to be put on the back burner as most of you have suggested, however, the word on the street is, that CPS can have her removed from our home if we allow her to fail her classes. And it has happened once before, in her second foster home, and miraculously, in her third home, she managed mostly A's and B's on her own. But then she moved in with us and suddenly, she is set up on refusing to do any homework and she is okay with the idea of failing, because she says it is "easier than spending HER time working on SCHOOL stuff." and When I mentioned that she was dangerously close to failing, she said "I don't care". My other problem, with the breath-holding thing though, is that it seems like she is always trying one dangerous thing after another, and it just seems to be getting worse. I mean, first she was only threatening to kill herself, never actually did ANYTHING to hurt herself, but then all of a sudden, she started doing this thing with banging her head on the wall/floor and she was doing it hard enough to leave bruises, then she tried cutting herself (thankfully, that was not a pleasant experience for her and she decided she would not try that again), but now the breath-holding thing. I just can't help but think that SOMETHING has to be done to stop this stuff before she really does something to hurt herself. But she refuses to discuss these feelings with her therapist, and I personally am not sure that her therapist is agressive enough with her at working on these issues. Her bad feelings go back a long way, and until someone takes the time to drag all that up from our difficult child and make her face it and make her deal with it, I am afraid she may not get better. I know that it will be painful and unpleasant for her to have to face all these old issues, but I fear it is the only way. [/QUOTE]
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Oh my, what a night! Long, sorry so much stress
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