Oh Phooey

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

I am feeling frustrated. I talked with what sounds like a really good program near where my son is. It is a dual diagnosis program that runs in parallel so he would be working on both SA issues and the psychiatric issues. They do both cognitive behavioral therapy and DBT. I think it is what he both needs and wants.

I know he has to make the call and initiate getting into the program. I was waiting until this evening to call him. My hope was to offer this to him before he was discharged because I know he will be better off going from detox straight to a program. So this afternoon I thought i would check his phone log... yep he is texting away so he has been discharged!! Darn it.

I called him and he was on the phone... I mentioned the program.. he said he was on the line with a lady who was going to help him. Didn't hear back from him... called again he said his phone is dying and he is waiting to be picked up and they are coming from a distance. I tried to tell him what i found and he said my phone is dying, every second counts, i know you have a program, goodbye!! OK I get it.... he has to preserve his phone as he is getting picked up....

By who I wonder? I am afraid he is off to use and spiral downwards.... and I am wishing like all get out that I had found this place yesterday..... and things happen for a reason and he might not be ready and at least now I know about it for when he is ready. But darn it my timing feels off!!!

And I need to let go of this and I have having a hard time doing that this evening.

Nancy this is part of that problem solving thing ya know?

TL

 

[Nancy]

TL I know.

I seriously woke in the middle of the night two days ago thinking about writing Dr. Phil for help.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

Nancy, I smiled when I read your post about contacting Dr. Phil. In a zillion years I can not picture my husband joining me on Dr. Phil trying to get help with our difficult child. I may be totally wrong about your marriage personality but when I thought about it years ago I realized it would be like airing your dirty underwear in public. NOT saying my reaction to the prospect is "right"........that's just the way it is and was. Fortunately (big sigh) our ituation is still slowly improving but honestly if it were not I could not do Dr. Phil. Maybe that's what they call false pride? DDD

 

[toughlovin]

I agree it is airing dirty laundry but everyone who knows me well knows anyway so who cares... hmmm I guess it could be a problem at work.

But if I thought I could get on Dr. Phil and if I thought it would work I would do it in a heartbeat.

Nancy maybe you should do it... won't hurt and might make you feel you are taking one more step.

Hmmmm maybe we should offer a two for one double show.... of course if we did that we would have to make sure our difficult children did not meet because I am sure they would feel it was destiny and we would have double trouble on our hands.

TL

 

[Signorina]

Maybe dr Phil could do a show on our whole SA board. And Oprah could come too. Rehab for the difficult child's, expensive spas for the moms, cars for the pcs!!!!

 

[Nancy]

LOL DDD, you have my husband pegged right, he would NOT join me on Dr. Phil. Me....I don't care who knows or hears our dirty laundry. I'm over trying to hide things. I even thought about him having a camera in our house and I wouldn't care. He can't yell at us for enabling her or try telling us we have a lot of work to do. If it meant she would get sent to one of those expensive treatment centers for "as long as it takes and probably never come back to this area because of the triggers" I would stand on my head on the Dr. Phil stage if I had to.

I think we would be too boring for him, not enough dirt to air, just a difficult child in desperate trouble.

TL I do think our difficult child's would be a magnet for each other.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Phew my difficult child just called me.... did not sound high which is a plus. Anyway so I gave him the info on the place, told him to call them and check it out. I was just looking for options but it would be his decision.

So I feel at least better that I was able to give him the info.

guess he is sleeping in someones car tonight.... have no idea who but I think its a girl.

Nancy at least it is not your daughter!!! Cause I agree they would gravitate towards each other.

TL

 

[DammitJanet]

Did you see todays Dr Phil Show? It was about a drug addict that was attempting to yank his chain and parents who werent so great at detachment. I really thought about you guys and was trying to figure out if it could be one of our kids. I dont think so unless it just a lurker. 19 year old girl with divorced parents now using heroin. Beautiful girl. Anyway, he sent her down to St Padre Island and to Hannah's House.

 

[exhausted]

The trouble with Phil is he would have to find some drama and interest in our situations. You can bet no parent ever goes unscathed on his show. I can see it noe....difficult child would make something seem dire and that would be it-Phil takes the bate and I die of embarrassment on national T.V., and difficult child never lets me forget how it is all my fault and plays the Dr. Phil tape to prove it. False pride or not, I couldn't do it. Rather beg for rehab money on a street corner! LOL!

 

[exhausted]

PS-TL you are being the great and strong mom that you have always been. I hope that boy follows through. He is a lucky kid to have you and to have "nine lives". I keep hoping the light will go in each place he goes.