Oh THIS is RICH! More inlaw hilarity...

[gcvmom]

So the other day husband informed me that his mom was frustrated that I hadn't called her back right away (she's worried about plans for July 4th and gee, it's what, only a MONTH away?) blah blah blah.

I called her back. Told her when to come over. Patiently listened to her prattle on about "HER" new house (the one her daughter just bought for her (this is the second house daughter has ponied up for)), and hung up as quick as I could.

TODAY, husband texts me this:

My mom was very happy to hear from you directly

She really likes you a lot so goes out of (her) way to not be a pain to us.

They (inlaws) hate brother in law#1 [he was never good enough for their daughter AND they eloped without getting married in Catholic church, so parents made them get married AGAIN with a ceremony in the church] (and) now have more issues with-brother in law#2 [because he's being "MEAN" to them -- see my other thread] and didn't like brother in law#3 because he was Jewish [he did convert to Catholocism and took their daughter's name, so now I guess he's o.k.]

Oh GEE. Goes OUT of her way not to be a pain? I'd hate to see what she's like when she really WANTS to mess with me!

I actually busted out laughing after reading this because, honestly, how pathetic! They constantly bad-mouth the sons-in-law behind their backs to everyone, so WHAT must they say about ME when they're not around us?! So apparently they want husband to think I'm the ONLY one they like out of the four spouses their kids married. Uh huh. RIIIIGHT. I'm gonna buy into that just like I'm ready to buy into a snow farm in Alaska. They must REALLY think I'm stupid. And apparently my husband is more gullible or BLIND to their B.S. than I realized. I need to have a serious reality check with him.

 

[Star*]

OHHHHHHHH so now you own a business in AK? Chickies Ice Factory - specializing in gourmet ice cubes! - Chilling! Shipping to the lower 48! (Snaps fingers) DANG IT - always a day late on these fantastic ideas! That should at least pay for mother in law's Swiss chalet!

 

[susiestar]

It would almost be worth buying her a swiss chalet - she would be too far away to visit often!!! and the long distance would be at a higher cost than local so she might not even call!!

Hmmmm.... Something to think about?
She really must think you are an idiot to buy that. Sheesh.

 

[Shari]

Bwahahahahaha

 

[gcvmom]

Another thing I find laughable:

mother in law always whined that they couldn't afford to go anywhere in their area because they live 15 miles from town and gas in Texas is sooooo expensive. Uh huh.

So during my phone convo with mother in law the other day, she starts in about how since they'll be living close by now, I'll have to be SURE to send them all the kids' sports/music/event schedules because now they'll be able to go to EVERYTHING. And I'm thinking HOW will they be any better able to afford the gas here (our prices are some of the highest in the nation), especially since their new place is FIFTY (50) miles from us?!

WHAT does she smoke?!

 

[Star*]

your ice cubes?

 

[tiredmommy]

Just remember... you'll be paying for them to attend the kids' stuff. I'm out the cash for mother in law, father in law & sister in law to see Duckie's recital tonight because husband always has me pre-buy the tickets but then he doesn't ask to be reimbursed.

 

[gcvmom]

Oy! That kinda bites.

See, my SILs ask us to come to THEIR kids' stuff, but we have to buy our own tickets.

Thankfully, my kids aren't involved in anything (so far) that costs money to watch. I'm sure we'd never hear the end of it if we asked them to pay their own way for something.

What I'm just waiting to hear is for them to ask husband to come PICK THEM UP and BRING THEM to easy child's orchestra concert, or difficult child 2's water polo match or difficult child 1's lacrosse game. Or whine about gas and then husband being the good co-dependent son that he is will send them a gas card or money for gas. Makes me want to barf the junk they pull on him.

Thankfully, there is a grandchild difficult child 1's age who lives closer to their new place, and her mom LOVES to monopolize their time (this is sister in law#2, the one who has the gambling problem), so I'm sure she'll find a way to keep them VERY busy. At least that's what I'm hoping...

 

[tiredmommy]

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

 

[gcvmom]

More like the NUT didn't fall far from the tree!

 

[Hound dog]

Wow.

I'm telling you, you guys make me more and more grateful for my wonderful in laws every day.

I'm so glad I never had to put up with this koi........cuz I'd have handled it badly. I don't have any patience for such stuff.

But my mom does the hate the person her child married thing.........And the let me tell the child I'm talking to that I like their spouse best deal too. So far as I can tell I'm the only one who doesn't fall for it. Although she has backed off on husband a ton in recent years. Not sure why.......she just has.

The bonus to living so far from my mom is that husband didn't have to put up with her too much or too often. And thankfully she paid her own way, cuz otherwise we'd never have seen her.......we couldn't afford it. Still can't. lol

 

[Shari]

I might be tempted to fund her entry for all of your niece or nephew's activities...just so there'd be no chance of her being free to come your way! Lol

 

[Star*]

ROFLM entry off at Shari!

 

[susiestar]

Star, as usual has an excellent solution!!

TM, why don't you ask for the money for the tickets as you go into the events. Or in front of the kids - esp the one in the program or whatever. Chances are they will NOT want to make a scene in front of other parents or let the kids think that Gma and Gpa don't care enough to pay to see them. Just act like it is perfectly normal for them to have the money and pay you - "Oh, the tickets were $20. You can give it to me now so we don't forget about it. Oh, you don't have cash? A check is fine - I know you know how to spell the name!" - act like the last part is a joke, and chuckle as you say it. Or if there is no checkbook at hand, point out the ATM nearby or stop on your way to the next place with them. "I know you don't like to ahve outstanding debt, so this is the closest ATM." As long as you act like it is a normal part of the routine, how can they complain or deny payment to you? If husband gets upset tell him you assumed that he forgot the last few times so you thought you would take that responsibility on - as a "favor" to him!

Gvcmom, as for gas money, work on getting husband to not send it. Do NOT let him give them a gas card that is a credit card. If he does, then you need to cancel it - no way should they have that with their gambling issues. At least in my opinion. Have you ever gone back and added up all the money spent on them in a year? What would husband say if you sat him down and showed him the total? Chances are he would be shocked, and maybe it would get him to agree to a much lower number that he finds reasonable. then tell the inlaws that the economy has made things tough and y'all have set aside X amt of dollars to give them for travel for the year (to be given out for travel to you only and for their expenses when they are visiting you only - or give them a lump sum and tell them that if it is gone before they come to visit you then they cannot come as you won't pay more.) Either way, don't give them more.

I strongly suggest getting husband to a marriage counselor to work this out and to get him to commit to this plan and to follow through. Can you tell them no if husband wants to tell them this and cannot? If he says he will send $$ over that amt, or for a trip/crisis/event that is NOT with you, can you call and say he didn't realize that they had spent all you could afford to give them and you cannot afford to send them anything, or can only afford to send them $20 or $50? Personally given how you do not enjoy their visits, if you give it to them all at once and they blow it NOT on travel and visits to see you, I might be inclined to see it as paying them to stay away. husband might even see it as them not really caring if they see you or your kids but instead only want to visit to get money from you - that all they care about is the money.

These are just ideas. I doubt that husband will be able to tell them no, ever, if you don't get him into counseling with you and he can see how much this upsets you.

If these don't work, or you cannot do them, at least you can vent to us. In law relationships are tough.

Can you arrange to take the kids out of town the week(s) they visit? Last minute trip to somewhere? I can give you a link to find festivals and events in Oklahoma!

 

[hearts and roses]

Omg. We should get a cuppa and talk mother in law's because the stories! Oh my! I'm so glad mine live in Florida and I only see them for a few days once a year. I don't even really talk with them much on the phone. H used to turn into a 14 year old boy trying to please his parents FOREVER. Now? Not so much. When his mother finally, blatantly, crossed a line following difficult child's assault, H finally addressed the issue....the issue of how whack his mother is and how his father is an alcoholic (although H does still call it 'a drinking problem'). This, after years of treating me like the housemaid and my kids like street urchins, *itch. I shudder from the memories....

Are your il's old? Until they are old and as long as they are being pita's, let them figure out how to get to your place, gas cards (HA!).

 

[gcvmom]

It's funny, when husband and I were first married, he really resisted and resented any attempts by his sibs to manipulate or coerce him into doing what they wanted. He was branded the "black sheep" because he wouldn't meekly go along with whatever scheme his sisters dreamed up to provide for the parents. And he always criticized his sibs for being so smotheringly close to his parents. The sisters would call their mom, not just daily, but multiple times a day. He could not fathom what they would need to talk about so often, or why they would want to share the mundane details of their daily life.

During those years, I was usually the interface between his parents because husband just didn't call them very often (and they complained about that to me).

But after husband's brain surgery and starting the medications that took a big bite out of his depression that had marred our relationship during the first half of our marriage, he began to take a more active role in his relationship with his family. Probably has to do with his better mood and my stepping back after the fiasco of his parents watching our kids while he was in the hospital (mother in law could not handle difficult child 2 who was very unstable at the time, and she resorted to slapping him). Combine these factors with him seeing my dad die, and realizing his parents won't be around forever (they are in their mid- to late-70s) and maybe that's why he's feeling so soft on them.

Doesn't make it right, but it might explain what's going on.

He still doesn't let his sibs order him around, but he really needs to see his parents behavior for what it is. And I will continue to point out the obvious as best I can. I mean, if our KIDS can see that what the parents do is just out of control, how blind can he be? I certainly won't censor them for speaking their mind to their dad Sometimes the truth is best heard out of the mouths of babes.

 

[ML]

You poor thing. At least your able to diffuse the absurdity of it all with humor.

 

[Shari]

Two brooms calls husband and his sister ALL THE TIME. 8 times a day each is pretty standard fare...

One of my fav things is when she asks me if I've talked to my mom and I get to say, no...not for a week or so.

You can SEE her react to this and if she says anything about her frequent calls to her kids (which she often does) I say either moms a big girl, she doesnt need my supervision or mom knows I'm a big girl, I don't need her supervision... Those two statements hit home with her, and I LOVE it!