oh wow the evaluation was sooo sooo hard

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi u guys,

    i actually stopped home before picking up kids because i had to have few min. alone to type and share this with all of you. haven't even called anyone yet except for boyfriend.

    it was sooo sooo hard. it would of been 100 times easier had i done it alone.

    i left very early we had alot of snow out here, got into accident on way i'm ok thank goodness but that was scarey. then got to hospital a little late due to accident driving was herendous to say the least. boyfriend and i didn't get any sleep hardly last night because little difficult child was flying high again even on chlonidine so she slept with us and we got minimal she was up till 2 then crashed for few then up again tossing turning it was rough.

    then this morning boyfriend didn't realize i actually needed to take his credit card with-me to hospital. he was under impression i would call him and he'd give them info. on phone from hospital. he was half asleep this morning while i stood over him asking for a credit card. in his defense minimal sleep he had hard time making child support payment to ex yesterday so had to stop at his dads rest on way home from his to take loan from his store and so he got little crazy this moring saying why do you need card i don t understand yelling at me.

    i was so sad when i got into truck didn't even kiss him goodbye. we made up via text on my way in and he apologized but with all due consideration he's new at this with me he pays all the bills and i guess handling over credit card was little scarey for him.

    and pressure's mounting for us dealing with this.

    met the dr. filled out all the financial forms first while my ex nightmare sat there like a jerk. he didn't even offer his credit card. so boyfriend and i are kinda like ok he's a loser here i am quitting my job to take care of her better boyfriend's paying all bills now and has been and here is ex doing nothing.

    you guys he made the evaluation so incredibly difficult. he hasnt' been on road with me for it all so she was asking about different doctor's medication's etc. as i was giving info ex kept interrupting. whie i was explaining anger we were seeing ex kept interrupting say it's due to the move to long island two years ago it's due to boyfriend and i living together. difficult child has told me you two have had arguments that why she's acting like this. his kids have issues too that's why she's actin glike this. he attacked his children with whom he doesnt' even know i love those kids and he attacked them saying well one's got add and another some growing disorder adn then the nasty older one no wonder she's acting like this she's mad.

    i said hold on a minute i'm paying for this boyfriend offered his card to set up payment arrangements and suffers through all of this wtih me sleepless ngihts, bills, kids her obsessive ways, etc. your going to sit here and judge me us our life his kids and try to blame it on all of that.

    pls let's stick to the facts. we're here to help corrine not finger point. the dr. had to tell hin a few times to calm down. she asked about our history together. she asked him was there any domestic violence in home difficult child would remember??? he got quiet. i said there was an order in place yes there was alot of verbal abuse then suddenly it turned physical he slammed me up against wall one day then threw frozen steaks in my face he was removed by cops that day and an order put in place the next he was never in my home again.

    so yes there was domestic violence? then she said was there ever a time you weren't allowed to see your kids?? he got quiet again he said well yea the court wanted me to take this stupid class. she said anger management?? lol....he said well um yes but it's not documented anywhere. i interjected and said it is not i told him to go get help get himself together get an apt. wtih food in it and beds and after dcs came and checked it out he could have visitation back and courts/judge agreed and approved my request.

    so that's kind of a feel how it went. he insulted me, boyfriend, my older difficult child who is not from our marriage my life, me said i'm a bad mom that my life is a mess. etc.

    he got off focus and task more times than i care to remember. the room was hot there was no water i'm still on mend from pnuemonnia i thought i was going to either kill ihm with my pen or scream!!! ugh

    so she said to him either you calm down and stop interupptin gi want to hear what you both have to say or you'll have to leave. he didnt' stop and so she asked him to leave and set up telephne conference with him for 4 today. that's how bad he was wtih me. constant attack

    she asked about me after all difficult child's symptomns and i said i do this that the other i was totally open and honest regarding my own weird behaviors. she asked him he said nope i'm fine. wow he even insulted my family.

    so end result he left then she said ok you must love your daughter alot to of allowed him here today and to be paying for all this yourself. i said we need answers and clarity bigtime i adore her adn i'm here to help her. that's my main concern. i said hopefully you have seen him display enough behaviors to understand his make up a little. is aid our pyschdoc won't speak to him on phone anymroe because he cursed our his assistnat one day because he woudlnt' get on phone with him

    ok i survived. was really hard though. my heads banging alot, a real lot.

    he pushed to be there next week at hospital during testing i put my foot down and said no way no way. she agreed and said you know what she is paying it onlly takes one parent to be here their staying in hotel and we need difficult child calm. so no go for you to be here. then he started with i'm legally allowed to be. so i said ok i have sole physical custody and all decision making rights you have chosen to not be involved with this process for 2 years now.l now your jumping on board ther'es alot you don't get i appreciate you wanting to be involved at this point but not to piont where it affects my sanity adn decision making skills.

    she also told him parent followu p after testing she would do call wiht him and she did not want him there.

    ok sorry that was so long had to share it and get it out. now i gotta see the jerk again later on it's his weekend with difficult child.


    :)
     
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh and one more thing. when he left she said ok has he been diagnosed with anything i said not to my knowledge he's never been to doctor.

    i said he's obsessive shuts lights off four times, same iwht parking. leaves house shuts main water valve off circuits go off afraid of fire etc. i said she shares alot of his things. also Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) he doens't he is in risk of loosing job because he cna't get up in the morning. yet he didnt' share any of this.

    this stuff's been going on with difficult child since birth on and off. i'll admit def. heightened with move yet it's been there all along. he wants to blame verything else for it. mainly me.
     
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Jen -

    Well hon - I think you are very brave for sticking with this entire, horrible process. When you said you thought you'd kill him with your pen I laughed out loud at work and then thought - My gosh I have a dozen I could send her. Glad to see you have a sense of humor while in the midst of a man like him.

    I swear to me - it sounded like your x was just there to talk about HIMSELF - like "Well enough about me, what do YOU think about me?" argh. And the part where you told him boyfriend was paying? Brilliant - give your boyfriend a hug for that for sure.

    Really am glad to hear that to psychiatrist told your x not to be there - I wonder if he thinks about showing up any way if he knew the date? Maybe there could be a "wink wink" last minute date change - like he thinks it's the day AFTER it all happens? And why all of a sudden IS he involved? Two years is a lot of time to not just show up for a kid - eesch. Do you think he's afraid if he didn't show up all the mental disorders of your little c would be blamed on him? - And that on and off thing with the lights and such - sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) to me. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If not the real deal he can still have some symptoms. But the repetitive behavior with the light switch is my friend all over and she is MAJOR Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). - best bookkeeper I ever hired.

    Well best of luck to you and your baby. I hope this doctor is able to figure something out. Say - as far as her not falling asleep? And wetting at night - You probably have tried this - BUT - how about no eating or drinking after 6:00 PM. And NO TV in a room she sleeps in but MAYBE a head phones of some waves or night sounds - something subliminal? Calming? The folks on the natural forum swear by something called Calm Forte. Never tried it but - worth a look maybe?

    Sorry about your accident - glad you are alright -
    Hugs
    Star
     
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Star:

    hey how are you? i'm telling you the pen was one of those fine tip ballpoints, it would of been more than sufficient. lol :)

    anyhow i think that after the legal battle that ensued he felt as though all eyes were on him for not doing the right thing for so long in regards to all of this. (i took him to court to make him pay his share of last years medical bills). i had a look at my decree last january and noticed hey he's supposed to pay 50% of unreimbursed medical. so i filed a petition and i also filed a violation of order and had him served with both. it took almost ten mos. and funny thing is he only coughed up 1,500 but it was more the moral of it to me than anything else. so that was one heck of a battle.

    it is all about him. i'm laughing now still with migraine by the way i cannot get rid of. she asked doctor about his family and he said well their all "good". as i sat there quietly cringing......
    he said well my mom years ago had a little bit of problem. her mom died and her dad killed himself and so she a little upset and they went and admitted her into hospital. (true story xmas morning he awoke to find mom naked on floor shaking about in a rocking back and forth manner). just an example of level of denial that big overgrown boy is in.

    he just came to get kids for weekend he started small talk with me like we used to. i looked at him and said ummm make no mistake we are done after today. you can be in as much denial as you like just don't talk to me about it get a therapist like the rest of us.

    anyhow no i took out a mail box and almost 3 people with my truck but i'm goood....... just wish i could get rid of headache.

    oh i did try soothing tapes at night for her, tried sound machine, tried ipod with nice soft songs, tried no eating or drinking after 6p.m. that's why honestly at this point it's manic i've seen it too many times before and it cycles and has pattern. let's see what ms. i'm going to charge you 5k came come up with :)

    jen :)
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Jen

    Kuddos for sticking thru all that. Whew!

    I also laughed when I read the ball point pen part. lol Can't say as I blame you either.

    Sounds like you handled it all well though. Good for you. And even though ex was a major royal PITA, doctor got to see what a piece of work he is from the get go. That can be a good thing.

    ((hugs))
     
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    that's what i thought and thanks. that was the plan just going to need all weekend i think to recover from it. :)
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad you are safe after the accident. Driving in snow and ice is just NO FUN!!

    I am completely impressed by the fact you even let him know this was happening, much less tolerated him until the doctor told him to leave. It is a testament to how much you love Corrine (whole great BIG bunches!!)

    Sounds like the psychiatrist has a good picture of things, and hopefully the rest will work out well.

    I hope he does not make your daughter's weekend miserable with bad remarks about you and the doctor, or with other things.

    I totally was ready to HELP you with the fine point pen! Take care of yourself this weekend!

    Hugs,

    Susie

    ps. boyfriend deserves something extra special, has to be hard on him too!
     
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    good morning,

    yes hopefully he won't ruin their weekend i still have migraine from yesterday....lol

    went away last night but came back again today.

    boyfriend well yes he does i guess i'm giong to pay him monthly though he's not paying for it but still without his card and without you guys suggesting it it wouldn't of happened.

    thanks

    Jen
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Jennifer,

    I missed the recommendation for something calming (which would problem help your baby, and thus the entire family!).
    On another board we all have fibro, etc and trouble sleeping. Calms Forte is good, but we also like Tazo tea's Calm or Celestial Seasoning Tension Tamer. Tension Tamer is often found in the grocery store, and sometimes I can find Tazo Calm also. My youngest LOVES tension tamer - warm, iced, with a little honey or not. Neither thank you nor I are as fond of the Calm tea, but it does soothe jangled nerves pretty well. Starbucks usually has the Tazo, and our IGA grocery store also. HAven't seen it in WalMart.

    Vitamin World, similar to a GNC but with lower prices, sells Calm Tabs. They are wodnerful to help get kids to sleep.

    Hope maybe one of these helps!

    Hugs,

    Susie

    ps. I still don't know how you made it through the session with d-ex there. He sounds like a real piece of work.
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry it was so rough. To start with an accident and then go into the with your ex-oh my. I'm glad they told him not to come back. Gentle hugs.
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, Jennifer!!!!
    My favorite part was when the dr asked your ex to leave. Yaaay!
    So sorry it was so rough. I hope you can calm down and soak in the tub or something.
     
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    thanks but it's over now and this week at hospital it'll just be her and i. so that's good.


    belive it or not i love the ideas about difficult child sleeping but we've tried them all even the teas lol

    at this point it's just a matter i think like alot of us just stay in the day adn try to get through best you can without overwhleming yourself or looking too far ahead.

    yes he is a real piece of work. i'm glad he is my ex and not my current id' be a very sick woman if that were the case. :)

    went riding yesterday for first time in ages that was a beautiful thing very theraputic for me i took both my older difficult child and boyfriend's older one. we rode at dusk, the sun was setting i ran on beach with mine. was so beautiful.

    granted i got off horse adn couldn't feel anything from waste down for about an hour lol....it was soo cold but totally worth the experience. boyfriend laughed and said only you stll on mend from pnuemonnia. i knew what i needed though it's time to start taking care of me :)

    thanks
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohh, Jennifer, I love riding. I'm so glad you were able to do that.
     
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Jen,

    I think from now on.......You shall be dubbed "PENny" lol.

    (snort ) - we gotta find our humor where we can.

    Hang tough!
     
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok

    have i mentioned that i'm blonde??? lol

    Penny..........???? ok soo wanna laugh at that but umm i dont' get it?? lol

    yes i know slow on up take...



    riding yes is great. i'm starting to take care of me now i have some other issues as of late that are rearing their ugly head which def. makes the anxiety and stress and depression much more understandable to be quite honest.

    riding is my passion always has been i should of grown up on farm as opposed to city girl soo not me. im a target lover always will be. my older difficult child loves coach and prada and all that junk. me nope not at all. i want to get up with the chickens and feed my horses maybe someday. boyfriend jokes and says yes we could do that and then i can open a restaraunt there lol the man will never retire never lol
     
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