Oh yeah, no tutoring for easy child 2. (long)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Aug 15, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I was so totally ticked off, I never even posted this. But after being yelled at YET AGAIN, I remembered. lol

    I asked easy child 2's mom to let us take her to tutoring (even said we'd pay). Yup. Snowballs at the bottom of an active volcano have a better chance.

    Let's see, first off, she took me into her house, where easy child 2 was sitting on the couch. And the screaming commenced.

    Fisrt she screamed at me to butt out of her business. To which I replied I'd be glad to, but that means she'd have to talk to husband, which, thus far, she refuses to do.

    Then she screamed at me that it wasn't fair husband did this stuff now. She said he didnt care when he was with her, why should he care now? I told her that attitude does nothing for her daughter now. She screamed on that one for a while. I reminded her that when she confided in me once, long ago, how she felt so mistreated by him, that I told her she was miseable and she should leave. She didn't want to be alone. But I reminded her of that choice (and she actually told me that being with him was better than being alone). (they were truly a toxic pair when they were together).

    Then she screamed at me for having easy child 2 tested behind her back. Granted, yes, I did not call her up and ask permission, but we have been asking her to get easy child 2 help fior TWO years now, just how, exaclty, is doing sopmething about it now considered "behind her back"? She asked us to pay for a retainer for her teeth. We questioned it and she shot back "dr recommends this". We agreed to pay, but while we were talking about "dr reccomendations, what about tutoring and counseling?" Never heard another word about that retainer.

    Anyway, I digress.

    By this point, easy child is crying and her mom's new hubby has the sense to tell mom to take it outside. She does. And calms some (its been over 20 minutes at this point). Apparently, she and hubby fight a lot and they've just fought again. Mom cries to me, more, about how its not fair husband is involved now that he's not with her (he basically wouldn't go home the last few years of their relationship), but refuses to allow us to take easy child to tutoring. She SWEARS she gave the school the paperwork following the ADD evaluation and the school refused to do anything (more on this later). She cried about how her new hubby doesn't make his kids do anything and all his money goes to his kids and its not fair to easy child 2 to have to keep her room clean (when she shares the room with a kid who doesn't ahve to [ick it up) and doesn't get to do stuff cause they can't afford it cause of his kids (remember, this is the woman who pays for NOTHING regarding her own child - heck, barely herself...and we've offered a hundred times to put her in sports, dance, etc 0 but she won't allow it) But I bit my tongue about that. She carried on about her husband mistreating her, and my guess is that he is a control freak. I asked her if she was ok, but there's nothing I can really do to help her - she says her hubby wouldn't let us "talk" on "friendly" terms cause Im' linked to an ex. (beleive me, this is ok with me...)

    I asked if she had asked the school to get the IEP team back together when she gave them the evaluation. Well, no, she didn't, what was that? I explained, then she got mad at me for knowing this stuff. Thankfully, I've been thru it with difficult child 2, so I had an honest out there - I knew this because of him...that cooled her jets just a bit. So I at least talked her into letting me get an IEP evaluation rolling again. But no tutoring. And it will take at least a couple of months to get anything started thru the school. I'm sure. Grrrr.

    Anyway, the next night, I was at easy child 2's grandma's house (mom's mom). I asked if they (mom)were home, I needed to talk to her about the tutoring again. Grandma asked about it and I explained. Grandma then let loose about her daughter and "loser" husband. Then she said something about when SHE had gone to the school trying to get tutoring and counseling after the ADD evaluation when her daughter couldnt get them to do it. I inquired, and per her mother, turns out this woman didn't WANT the IEP team back together because that would mean husband and I would have to be involved - so this mother denied her daughter tutpring for TWO YEARS to keep us out of it. And then had the kahonas to yell at ME for doing something behind HER back??? OMG I could spit nails.

    I still could. And with her latest fiasco, and manipuklating easy child 2 into saying what she wanted to hear, and her thinking that if we spend 2 extra hours with easy child 2 doing family activities we are "taking time away from her and hurting her relationship with her daughter even tho she might jnot be out running around" like we do....makes my blood boil. I gaurantee if I go peek in their house windows right now, easy child 2 is in her room watching the Disney channel alone, will stay up til 1 or 2 am doing so, while mom and hubby are either in the living room watching R movies or in their bedroom with the door closed. Put $100 bill on it.

    We're meeting with a lawyer next week to see exatly what, if anything, we can do and what chance we have. I'm afraid not much til easy child 2's just a little older, cause mom will lie to the ends of the earth to cover her butt. She'd even sell out her own daughter to cover herself.

    I'm glad we can at least go down the iep path, but it makes no sense to me why someone would turn down help fior their kid when it would be no skin off their back. When the school offered free homework help after school and she refused it because she didn't want to hav to drive in to pick easy child up, and we offered to transport easy child, she refused that, too. It just is beyond me.n It hink the woman would cut her daughter in half to avoid working with us to help her. Heck of it is, she won't help her on her own, either.

    Maybe my expectations are too high. I dunno.
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2008
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    She is a train wreck.
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Yep. Train wreck.

    I think it's really important, although it may not do any good, to have a meeting with mom and nothing short of demand to not have any arguments in front of the child. Adults can scream and rant all they want with each other, but the child should not be privy to that.

    My ex and I had our fair share of arguments, but I honestly think our kids were never around. husband and I? Well, that's another story. We've had a few heated ones in the last year. I would always try to diffuse...leave the house, whatever. I felt bad that Jared had to hear them, but once you get husband going there is no stopping him.

    This is a toughy.

  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    OOf. Sorry you continually deal with this uphill battle. So glad that easy child has you on her side though. It can be a hard row to hoe but it looks like you are working pretty hard to get accomplished what needs to be even against the odds. Good for you.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It sounds to me like that woman is so insecure that she can't see beyond her nose. I think she needs counseling in a BAD way. She probably cannot even see that she is selling out her daughter, although she is. She's obviously very unhappy and has no clue that she's responsible for any of it. She wants the world to stop while she figures out what to do and then she gets mad because the world doesn't stop. JMHO.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    klmno - gee, i didn't know you knew her....lol

    I've known her since 1993/1994. She's been through 8 men in that time, married to 2 (was never married to my husband), lived with 2 (besides husband and the ones she was married to), and fought bitterly with all of them. One guy lived there for 2 weeks, and she kept all his **** when he moved out.

    I shudder to think what she's teaching easy child.
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I can see why you worry and you do have reason to. BUT.....that isn't the only influence she has in her life. She sees and experiences the stability of your house and relationship and that can influence just as much. Even if she's not with you as much as you'd like, she sees it and sees the difference between the life you and husband lead, and the life her mother leads.

    I would definately speak with a lawyer though. I know she is only 11 but with all that's going on, I think any judge worth spit would still speak with her and take her statements into consideration.

    Hmmm.......maybe we should introduce train wreck to the whack job puppy cloning/kidnapping woman. I bet they would be best buds.
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I pray you're right.

    My guess is they'll advise us to wait til she's kust a little older, but I dont know. Custody is hard to change, and that's not what we're after. We would like easy child to get counseling, tutoring, and an outside activity (for weight and social skills), to be allowed to have friends over and to go to freiends houses (she does not get to at mom's) for the social skills thing again, and to have more access to come and go between parents houses. Right now, if she wants to stay here on Sunday night to eat supper with the family, or to come back on Monday night cause we're...I dunno, baling hay and she'd rather help with that than watch tv at mom's (just an example), well, those aren't good enough reasons. I guess the way I see it, as long as she's not excluding either parent, those are perfect reasons to go one place or the other.

    And Abbey, I'm considering stepping out of the mediator role and requiring them to use a paid mediator for this junk. It will hurt my bottom line (badly, they are expensive), but dealing with this woman is not helping my stress levels, either. Her focs is not her child, her focus is hurting husband.
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2008