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"Oh your kid went to my kids' school? I bet they know each other!"
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 313613" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Crazy - </p><p> </p><p>One thing therapy really did help me overcome the death of "my" dreams were in understanding the reality of a few things we did in an exercise. The outcome was really a realization of just how much of myself I had overshadowed Dude without knowing or really realizing it, disguised as I'm just trying to help you. </p><p> </p><p>We were to both take a piece of paper and write out what our dreams were for Dudes future. I could write them from the time I knew I was pregnant and dreaming about his birth to present day. Dude could write them from his first memory to present day. The next therapy session we were to compare our dreams for Dude. I figured there would be so many similarities. I wanted him to be healthy, happy, maybe play baseball or football, do good in school, I could see him having lots of friends, going to prom, getting a girlfriend, playing guitar, having a temporary permit, getting a car, maybe eventually riding Motocross or something fun, camping out- learning to dive or water ski. </p><p> </p><p>NOTHING and I mean NOTHING on my list was anything that he had on his list. His list had things like - Riding BMX professionally like Dave Margera, Graduating school, getting a job, getting a pickup truck, a dog - </p><p> </p><p>The lesson taught me that the things I was pushing him for were things I wanted. Not things he wanted - and if I wanted a happier kid? I needed to help him achieve HIS dreams - not mine. If I kept pushing him towards MY dreams? When did he get to have HIS life? I had my life....I did the things I wanted to do-when did he get to do the things HE wanted to do?</p><p> </p><p>Since the exercise? I've tried to help him achieve some of his goals....and the odder thing still is that the things that I used to cry over - like the death of my dreams - aren't so hurtful anymore. In a way maybe because now I know they were things I wanted - not things HE wanted. If they had been things he wanted - then we still had time to work on them together. I mean if we had both written play little league and he's 19? Well - that's kinda shot - but what about assistant coach or helper? </p><p> </p><p>There are still twinges of things that I had HOPED for him - I mean who in the world ever goes through 9 months of pregnancy, 22 hours of labor, gives birth and then says "Wow I hope you're an alcoholic, and a drug addict and beat women, never hold down a job and live on the street begging for nickles?" - no Mother. So we all have hopes - but what I learned it that it takes no more than being a Mom to step aside and say "And What would YOU like to be? I'll support that." and be okay with it within herself and with anyone that comes along and says SO how is your son doing?" and answer them honestly and say something like 'He has a disability and he struggles, but I have faith in him - and as a Mom I always have hope." What's wrong with answering someone like that? </p><p> </p><p>And if that fails you can always say "Oh gosh is that my phone? Hello The what is on what? On fire? Oh have to go -" <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 313613, member: 4964"] Crazy - One thing therapy really did help me overcome the death of "my" dreams were in understanding the reality of a few things we did in an exercise. The outcome was really a realization of just how much of myself I had overshadowed Dude without knowing or really realizing it, disguised as I'm just trying to help you. We were to both take a piece of paper and write out what our dreams were for Dudes future. I could write them from the time I knew I was pregnant and dreaming about his birth to present day. Dude could write them from his first memory to present day. The next therapy session we were to compare our dreams for Dude. I figured there would be so many similarities. I wanted him to be healthy, happy, maybe play baseball or football, do good in school, I could see him having lots of friends, going to prom, getting a girlfriend, playing guitar, having a temporary permit, getting a car, maybe eventually riding Motocross or something fun, camping out- learning to dive or water ski. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING on my list was anything that he had on his list. His list had things like - Riding BMX professionally like Dave Margera, Graduating school, getting a job, getting a pickup truck, a dog - The lesson taught me that the things I was pushing him for were things I wanted. Not things he wanted - and if I wanted a happier kid? I needed to help him achieve HIS dreams - not mine. If I kept pushing him towards MY dreams? When did he get to have HIS life? I had my life....I did the things I wanted to do-when did he get to do the things HE wanted to do? Since the exercise? I've tried to help him achieve some of his goals....and the odder thing still is that the things that I used to cry over - like the death of my dreams - aren't so hurtful anymore. In a way maybe because now I know they were things I wanted - not things HE wanted. If they had been things he wanted - then we still had time to work on them together. I mean if we had both written play little league and he's 19? Well - that's kinda shot - but what about assistant coach or helper? There are still twinges of things that I had HOPED for him - I mean who in the world ever goes through 9 months of pregnancy, 22 hours of labor, gives birth and then says "Wow I hope you're an alcoholic, and a drug addict and beat women, never hold down a job and live on the street begging for nickles?" - no Mother. So we all have hopes - but what I learned it that it takes no more than being a Mom to step aside and say "And What would YOU like to be? I'll support that." and be okay with it within herself and with anyone that comes along and says SO how is your son doing?" and answer them honestly and say something like 'He has a disability and he struggles, but I have faith in him - and as a Mom I always have hope." What's wrong with answering someone like that? And if that fails you can always say "Oh gosh is that my phone? Hello The what is on what? On fire? Oh have to go -" :raspberry-tounge: [/QUOTE]
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