Ohh difficult child hasn't been this ramped up for a long time!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Jun 30, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child's girlfriend is out of town at her dad's house. (Parents are divorced.) Every time one of them goes out of town, they get in a big fight. They don't know how to deal with-it.

    Last night I woke up at 1 a.m. and found difficult child in the LR SHOUTING, "f-this, f-that, you hurt me more than anyone has in my whole life and it's all your fault!"
    I stood in the kitchen and listened for a few min and realized that she was shouting back but mostly it was difficult child not giving her a chance to talk, and being a total jerk.

    I walked in and stood in front of him and he put the phone on hold and I said, "I will not tolerate this shouting and keeping people awake. Give me the phone."

    His attitude changed 180 degrees and he begged to be able to say goodbye and apologize to his girlfriend. I told him he had 30 seconds, then I would keep the phone until noon the next day.

    I got a clonidine out of the cupboard and he wanted to argue and explain what was going on between them. I told him there was no excuse and he needed to take the pill NOW or he'd use up his 30 seconds. He took it. Apologized to her. Gave me the phone. And actually thanked me for interfering. He was totally out of control and his state changed dramatically. (I also got him to brush his teeth last night for the first time in a week. When we were kids, and crying, my dad always had us splash cold water on our faces. Something about the routine and the cold water always helped. :) )

    And yes, the clonidine did help him sleep.

    I gave the cell back to him a min. ago and told him that we are going to have 2 hrs of no phone, no technology a day.

    He argued and argued and got defensive (one point I made was when he was picked up storm debris a cpl wks ago and he'd pick up one stick, text, take a step, text, pick up a pinecone, text ... and he didn't see anything wrong with-that.)
    I just walked away and he followed me to my office and tried to barge into the room. I tried to shut the door and he pounded on it and a picture fell off.
    Soooo much like what he used to be like ...

    husband has always told difficult child that he has to be careful in his relationships because he'll treat his girlfriend or wife like he treats his mother. difficult child said no, of course it's different.
    Ha. Same thing. Total verbal abuse. And sometimes he gets in her face in person, and won't let her walk away.
    Sigh. I just keep taking deep breaths.

    I folded laundry at 1:15 to calm down last night. Slept on and off until 5:30, 6:30, etc. finally got up at 10:30. Should have just gotten up at 5:30 because broken sleep is like none at all.

    I am going to make an appointment for a blood draw this wk for difficult child and then ask the dr to increase his lithium.

    Thanks for listening.:hamwheelsmilf:
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    That is always one of my biggest concerns about difficult child. They way he speaks to me and lashes out when he loses his temper is abusive, and I do worry that he will be that way with a girlfriend or a wife. And no one seems to think I'm right to be concerned about it.

    I'm sorry that it was such a rough night. How long with the girlfriend be at her day's house? Maybe this is something that he could talk to the therapist about. Why do they fight so much when they ae separated? Do they fight like that whe they're together?
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope today was a better one! Sending gentle hugs your way.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yeah that is an issue I worry about as well. What is he going to be like with a wife? Shudder.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking, oh, 2 or 3 divorces and he'll get the relationship thing down pat. :(
    This is a good thing to bring up with-the therapist. I agree. We've got another appointment in 2 wks.