Ohhhhh, we were doing SO well...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Aug 2, 2007.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I was just thinking this a.m., we've gone for almost a wk with-no meltdowns ... I should sit down with-difficult child and tell him how proud I am of him, give him something special ... although, on our levels 1, 2, 3, he's been on the highest level for 3 days, so that's a reward in itself (he gets all privileges).

    You know how you're afraid to post a "Good" note, for fear your luck may run out? I'm even afraid to think "Good"! LOL!

    All week, difficult child has been going to the local country club with-easy child because she is a lifeguard, and she is allowed to bring a guest. This is a real treat for difficult child and for me; I get a break, he gets to be with-his big sister. (We are not members.) This morning I told difficult child that I would be picking him up early, and he would be going with-me to drop his bike off at the shop for repair.

    In one of our counseling sessions, husband, difficult child, the counselor, and I talked about having husband and difficult child do some repairs on the bike as a father-son thing, and then take in the bike for the major repairs. He hasn't ridden his bike all summer.

    Good deal, huh?

    He started yelling and screaming about how he didn't want me to pick him up early, didn't want his bike fixed, never wanted to ride it again, only wanted to use his skateboard, blah blah blah.

    Sheesh, sorry for doing something NICE!

    I thought he had gotten to the point where he could transition with-o a meltdown. He's been so good about transitions all summer. Plus, I was giving him a 6 hr. heads-up.

    He was so loud and obnoxious, I told him to stop it. End of discussion.

    He started it up in the car again. I gave him another warning. He whined and cried louder. I told him that because of his behavior, I would pick him up early from the pool and he would get his wish--no bike repair. Instead, he would go straight to his room.

    "I wasn't doing anything wrong!!!!"

    You know, I think he really believes it.

    I'm just sitting here, shaking my head.
     
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Old habits die hard! Sorry to hear that he ended up melting down...in his eyes he was most likely seeing the taking the bike for repairs as a punishment for something (Only God knows what!!!) - he's been behaving perfectly by going to the club, behaving himself while he's there and coming home and being pleasant. I don't know if changing the routine on this one would be a "transition" per se or if he sees it as a lost priveledge. Therefore, he "tried" to present his alternative solution of riding his skateboard everywhere. This way (remember: in his mind!) he had transportation that was sufficient AND he still got to keep his "prize" of going to the swim club.

    :crazy2:

    I don't know about you, but I'm always worried that the other shoe is going to drop with my guys!

    Good luck and don't despair - talk to him when you're both rational - try to understand that he's been in "trouble" for so many years and losing priveledges because of it. Maybe you can reassure him that this was just an errand to be done - not some sort of punishment.

    Hoping for the best for you!

    Beth
     
  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Ofcourse he believes it. My difficult child honestly believes what he says. I think if they say it...than it's true. LOL

    You did good. Me, I would of lost it and started yelling. Seems to be me lately.

    sorry he didn't like your decision. Maybe his mood will change as the day goes on.
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
    I think the medications I'm on are very helpful. I may very well have lost it if this had happened 6 mo's ago.
    Sometimes I repeat a little mantra to myself in the car, like, "Only 10 more min... only 5 more min... only 1 more min... he's out the door! I'm free!"
    Sigh.
     
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, I would not want to leave the pool for any reason either. I can see him being upset by this.

    I am sure he overreacted and was very difficult child about it - sigh, a easy child reaction would have been a bit of sulking and some quiet time (punish with no words - can you imagine?!) and it would be over.
     
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I have to agree with Wendy about this one. Your difficult child did overreact, but why would he possibly want to leave the pool on a nice summer day in favor of running a boring errand? I know my three kids wouldn't want to, and in your shoes, I'd opt for doing the errand alone. Saves a lot on anger and resentment (plus I like running errands alone).
     
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh.............I feel for ya. One step forward, two back..........that seems to be the motto of my life lately!
    I will be hoping difficult child keeps himself together for another week! Good luck!
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He called me on my cell phone and was very contrite. He cried a lot, said he doesn't know why he says the things he says. He said it's like he can't control himself. I explained that's why he's on his medicine, to help control that sort of thing, but he has to work at it, too. He said he knows.
    He said he did, indeed, want me to run the errand by myself, and he thanked me for doing him a favor and trying to do something nice for him, since fixing the bike is a nice thing, and he really didn't mean that he never, ever wanted his bike back, despite what he said ... sigh.
    (by the way, I told him that I was not taking the bike into the repair shop. We'll save that item for another day.)
    I asked him why he was so rude to me and he said he didn't know, because he knew I was trying to do something nice and he really appreciated it. He used the expression "appreciate" several times. He said he really just wanted to play with his friends after going to the pool and that he didn't want to drop off the bike. Turned out that the girl he was playing with decided to ditch him at the pool and play with-her own friends, and he was bored and miserable. (On a easy child note, he said a very easy child thing about her yesterday ... the biggest compliment a boy could give a girl, "I wish she were a boy." LOL!)
    At any rate, he offered to come home, read two chaps. in the latest Harry Potter book (the 1st time in his life he's been interested in a Harry Potter book), wash the pans in the sink, feed the dogs, and water my plants, and then, could he play with-a friend instead of going to his room?
    I said yes.

    When I picked him up this afternoon, I asked him what I should do the next time he has a meltdown (or overreacts) like that. He said, "I don't know." (What was I expecting!??? LOL!)

    by the way, I always have the kids go with-me when I have their computers or bikes repaired, because those are luxuries and I hate, hate, hate the sense of entitlement they are getting in regard to having things done for them.
    I have explained that to them, and husband is on the same page.
    FYI.

    Thanks for your support.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S.
    I will never be able to think like my difficult child. In my mind, "doing an errand" to repair his bike was equivalent to actually riding the bike. A means to an end. I have always thought that way. Plus, I consider bike riding equally as fun as going to the pool.

    So, there ya go.
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry about the meltdown-no fun! Glad he called to apologize and the fact that he could process with you and apologize is great!
     
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know. I'm trying to be philosophical about it and appreciate the fact that sometimes he can process and verbalize his thoughts and feelings. It is real progress.
     
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