Ok, After reading mjhawks story- I feel ready to post...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Mar 8, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    See, her daughter said something similar to my son, so, I want to now share my two things my son said too. I have the readiness to do so, thank u mjhawks and all members! I mentioned in one of my old posts under watercooler we been talking and he opened up about some things.. so Ill share them now... ( therapist hopefully get more out of him) I mentioned this in mjhawks post just now-

    My son said " because your my parents" wait what? Same with his Encopresis, he said " doesnt always change because hes "lazy" or "busy"". But personally he knows it bothers us as well, so its another purposely done issue on that I think. When I asked" dont we deserve the same respect as others"? He didn't say anything. See, my son hasnt let "loose" on neighbors or the school yet( thank goodness) but has a few times looked like he was, slammed a door, wouldnt answer them etc, so he is slowly starting to get more "comfortable" with them, esp neighbors kids getting bossier etc..

    So yesterday no tantrums, lil mouthy but overall it was a nice day for me ( all of us). The way things are worded to him as I mentioned a long time ago like if we say nicely" ok, its time to whatever" and he has a reminder one or two most, we bring in our permanent rule breaker punishment like no tv for example he will reply in threatening, sarcastic and ready to pour drinks or such manor" are you going to let me watch tv? We would reply " only if u.." then he would reply back with " are you going to let me watch tv? again until we say yes first and then supposedly he agrees to do whatever but doesnt always and gets mad over the whole deal. After he has us all go on and on, he gets mad at us and blames it on us. Yes I walk away and he follows and keeps going. Like he can be in a good mood, and one person turns the tv or plays the computer while hes doing something else, he will come in and get mad we turned it or played the computer, back in the other room we go, follows us in shortly and says" I was playing/watching that -an excuse to get mad" Manipulative? "I think so. He doesnt want to do what hes told ( his odd) or he mentally doesnt understand.. but Im leaning toward the odd.

    Ok, well, things with daughter are smooth so far, we will see what therapist says about her too. Just the usual Asberger/sensory/anxiety issues. ( I know no definite but her last school said yes that is specialized in these areas plus some- but couldnt make it official into health records as they dont have that power but is in her old record with them. Neuro exam said probables for that except the sensory thing.. but reading what you all said to others and me, I know thats what it is, besides, strangers point this put to me at times on her because they have kids or family just like them. But nothing huge, shes still my easier child.

    Next update will be after the "therapist" first visit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(" psychiatric" its all therapy)
  2. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    So glad you decided to post! Welcome and I hope you find some good answers to help you work with your children.
  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Well, I been here a while 2much2recover, but, after my last post few weeks ago, that just went a little to wild for me and I had to move at a fast pace but thanks! Thank you for all your help over the years too!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Confused-glad things are going better with your daughter. I think it is difficult for a lot of our children to save their worst behavior for us as parents. I know when my difficult child was younger and had absolutely no control he was an equal opportunity behavior-didn't matter where he was, at school or at home he had no control.

    Now that we have the right medications on board he saves his nastiness mostly for me. When we were at his psychiatrist appointment the other day and psychiatrist asked why he is still that way with me (not as much with husband but some) his answer is because we will always be there for him. Of course, we told him when he is 18 if this continues he will need to find a new place to live. He still has some issues at school but overall, he saves it for us.
  5. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    What an odd way to think, "Because we will always be there for him." My DQ said the EXACT same thing two days ago. Like really? Who thinks they can treat anyone this way and it will be over looked?

    This MUST be something specific to these kids. DQ believes it wholeheartedly, she says it right in front of her therapist. The fact that she admits she only treats me this way is further proof that she can control her behavior is she chooses.
  6. 2much2recover

    2much2recover Well-Known Member

    Why make a choice to control your behavior when you can have it all your way? It's all about manipulation and control.
  7. mjhawks

    mjhawks Member

    Ah yes. But what she doesn't realize is that she has screwed herself by saying this. It takes her from someone who can't control her behavior to someone who is actively choosing to be mean to people. At this point she is liable for her actions.
  8. Yes it does! Our kids certainly have a different view of the world than most people.
  9. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    WipedOut- Im glad hes better at school, but so sorry hes still this way at home!

    mjhawks- hope you didnt mind me using you as a motivator to speak up! It just hurts that my son said this because I know Im a good mom, its frustrating too!

    2much2recover- yes! I agree with you! I mean, if they couldnt hold it in at all, id start thinking different. My son loves to control things.

    SecondTimeAround- They sure do have their own view of the world, it still amazes me!

    Thanks everyone- it sure is frustrating to and hurtful for them to be this way with us and yet, others just have no way to understand they are not like their kids... so add that to the package! I really dont want to start a new thread so hopefully someone can answer me here. How/ what do I do for punishment when he is acting up? Time outs, go to his room, hahahahah nope not my kid. Now, I have taken away electronics and even outside time, he loves his outside time. But, it really is punishing us to keep him in and he builds up more and more being in.. I know I asked this in an old thread but now that hes older, I wanted to ask again.

    I have said I would take away his whole room of stuff, and most part did, but that didnt work out- maybe try that again? But everything this time?

    A friend suggested one of those boxing things that he could punch and "train him" to punch that! He used to have the little plastic kids ones from toys r us, should I get the bag, will it help any? I think it will- I don't know! Ill ask the psychiatric at our appointment too.

    another friend said I need to keep up with punishments- true. But she said to handle him Im his mom, spank him etc if he starts that Im the mom and need him under control and hes not like what we say he just needs discipline .. But spanking only makes him more violent and it doesnt phase him- hes says "hitting his fine then!!!!!!" Gets more violent..

    Ok.. spring break is here and hes playing with his friends so Im hoping this helps wear him out!!!!! Got lots more new activities/therapy classes coming soon so hopefully he will be so tired- he wont even remember to be bad !!!! Oh, also, Im looking at big brother programs and getting on the list if the psychiatric thinks its a good idea, I dont need these poor kids/ older adults trying to handle my son if he has a urge to be mad! Those poor big brothers!
  10. I don't have any suggestions yet, but spanking will not work and should not be used. Spanking just escalates the violence. Lots of people are well-meaning, but they don't really get what we're dealing with. Have you talked to his therapist/psychiatrist? Do they have any ideas? Our Difficult Child, he was a terror for years and nothing helped until he was properly diagnosed with a mood disorder and his medications were changed. Before that, his brain wasn't able to process things well enough to think about possible consequences at the time he did something. He felt angry and he took that out on everyone. Taking away things often made him even angrier and more violent. When he was raging, he would get this look in his eyes like he wasn't human and wasn't in there. We had to place him in residential treatment when he was 8. He was there for a year and they sent him home because he wasn't making any progress. He was home for another year and we were then able to admit him to a better facility that took kids 10 and older. The psychiatrist there figured out that he had bipolar disorder and changed his medications. After that, life improved dramatically.
  11. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I agree with you about spanking! No they dont get it and as far as the counselor a while back yes, new one ..well, an actual psychiatric this month! So we/he will have an official appointment not just over the phone appointment setup and what they think until they see him.Ill be asking him too. But, many of them dont have kids like ours, so thats why I was wandering. I mean its trying to get my son and daughter to do things for themselves.. clean up after themselves. I am not looking for them to paint the house, just pick up their mess, bring dishes to the sink( yes take turns doing dishes, help w dogs and have some respect.. daughter has more respect but still...

    Omg yes, taking things away makes mine worse to, and the look.. yikes. It just goes to show that some doctors are really on the ball when it comes to disorders of any types and really put an effort in. Glad he improved!
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Don't spank him. Don't take ideas from anyone who says you should. It's hard to tell them not to hit when you hit them, for one thing.

    Some kids don't listen no matter what you do. Some can't live at home because of that. But I hope you get him evaluated and on good medication that makes him able to stay home. I think that's your best shot for now.

    I don't believe he is acting like this because he needs a man in his life. I think he just has different wiring in his brain and may be a threat to an unsuspecting young man who wants to help him. On the other hand, you may get a really perceptive one. Time will tell.
  13. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I agree. I think this Pysch appointment coming up will be "the one" and he sounds like he truly cares and wants to help him, so if not, on to the next! It was an idea about big brothers from the Neuropsychologist so that's why I was thinking of it now. But I see what your saying about its not a man needed in his life. Everything I have read about mood stabilizers seems like it would help my son along with the therapy...Thank u