Ok here goes

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by thatboyofmine, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    I am a mom to a 4 year old that I adore but I am really trying to figure out what is going on in his little mind. I made a list of observed behavior that I thouhgt I would post here and hopefully get some "I know what you are talking about replies" : ) I have always seen something a little different in him but I always just think he will get passed it and some days are just fine until the recent reports from daycare that he is being hurtful to others and defiant. I have honestly never seen him hit anyone, although I will not argue the defiant other than he knows what he wants and there is no talking him out of it so I do not usually battle. Here is my list:
    Hates getting a drop of water on his hands or clothes (this has intensified in the last couple months)
    Spends an extremely long time drying hands
    Needs the light in the hallway, and bathroom on and his bedroom door shut before going to the bathroom
    Waistband on underwear has to be just how he likes it
    Any activity with movement takes him a LONG time to calm down from when he gets wound up he seems like he is in a state of confusion, but yet happy. He cannot focus or listen when he is wound up.
    Likes to have things orderly, cars lined up, and books in order of size etc
    Does not like to be rubbed, caressed on any part of his body. Even as an infant he would move my hand away if I rubbed his arm while he was drinking a bottle. Has recently accepted back rubbing at bedtime and will ask for it, but not patting.
    Likes numbers, and letters –really into this between ages 1 and 2. He would go behind cars to read the license plates, point to numbers drawn on the fence and say the number, searched for numbers on a page. Number 5 he liked because he could turn it upside down and it was a 2.
    Notices shapes and patterns more than most, he tells me'that car is happy' by the way the grill looks, also 'some cars are mean'. Standing in line at a park he looked over and said there is a 'face in that tree' when I looked closely there was a resemblance of a face pattern in the bark.
    Going from the car into a store, someone's house, the park …. He starts making conditions, if I'm good and I listen and I do not touch anything, and I use an inside voice, and I stay next to the cart….. this can go on for a ridiculous amount of time, so much so I have seen people laugh at him while we are getting a cart and he is going over his list. Usually after he names them all he will say 'then I will get a water bottle'. Water bottles he likes more than candy, although he does not drink much.
    He likes making lists out loud. Modes of transportation- rooms in a house- people he knows
    Loves his friend who is 9 but usually plays beside her not with her.
    Loves his big brother and everything about him, is usually very well behaved with his brother.
    Cannot be gentle with his grandmas cat- he squeezes him, pulls tail gets in his face, lays his head on him. He has been warned 100's of times but still will not leave the cat alone.
    Takes 2 hours to fall asleep-although he does not get out of bed-mostly just talking, singing, counting.
    At school(daycare)- hits others, defiant, lacks self-control, lacks empathy (their list)
    Took him to play soccer, he loved the drills. When the coach said stand here, he never moved again until all the other kids were running around and the coach realized how literal he is. Also after the game he said 'I like when we line up and kick the ball but I do not like when everyone is running around.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome. You've come to the right place.
    My difficult child isn't like yours... but there are lots around here who are.

    Just wondering... has he ever had any evaluations? Especially a comprehensive one?
    If not, that would be worth pursuing.
    There is DEFINITELY something going on.
    So many of those traits sound like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Aspie to me... but I'm not in an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) household.
    Others will chime in.

    Have you ever seen the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene?
    It has a different approach to managing our hard-to-parent kids, and for many of us (me included) it has been useful.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Well, he probably has sensory issues and in my opinion could very well have a high functioning form of autism. Many Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are fascinated with numbers and letters and even sight reading at very early ages, making us think they are little geniuses. They are very good at remembering things by rote. :) They also don't care to be touched sometimes due to the sensory issues that go with it.

    This particular diagnosis is hard to get in a little one and you will probablyl get an ADHD/sensory integration disorder diagnosis. and that's ok. If it leads to services in school and in the community, that is what you want. Does he have trouble transitioning from one activity to another? Does he ever cover his ears when it's noisy, yet yell himself and make a lot of noise? Is he inappropriate with his little peers, such as (as reported) hitting, pushing, getting too close, refusing to share, playing more beside other kids than with them? Any obsessions or strange quirks? Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) c hildren are VERY literal, such as refusing to move if the coach says "Stand there." They take this to heart!! My son also likes lists and still has them and is VERY precise and gets upset over silly things. If I say, "Hurry, it's 8:30" he says, "Actually, it's 8:29." He uses big words and always did. Your boy just screams "Aspergers" at me...lol. However...

    I am not a doctor. We are all mothers with opinions so I would take him for a neuropsychologist evaluation. The accuracy of his diagnosis is limited at his age, but he clearly needs some interventions in school and this is the best way to get him the free help that they have to offer him.

    If he is a spectrum kid, conventional parenting probably will not work on him. You need a professional's help.

    Welcome to the board :)
  4. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    Thank you for the reply. I am just starting some evaluations. I took him to a psychologist who did recommend testing his IQ and also a test for autism, although he seems pretty social and talks about his friends but he does not always play with them. The problem with playing with others is that he gets frustrated when he has a thought in his mind and someone messes it up.
    He also is waiting to be evaluated by the school system for the second time. The first time everything was fine. He was completely cooperative but the lady giving the test told me to not give up that if I had a gut feeling I was probably right. That was when he had just turned three, at the time he was running out of his daycare classroom and adults where chasing him. He got over that and was ok for a while then recently started hitting and not listening, there have been some teacher changes all summer and I really feel that is playing into it. Regardless I need some help before he gets to kindergarten.
    Also, I am used to him and know what makes him get upset. Other people seem to think he just needs me to be stern with him but that is not always the answer in his case.
    I did also just read the explosive child, I enjoyed reading it just because it somewhat helped me understand my little guy better.
  5. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    That made me laugh because my son also does the "actually" bit with me, I will say "that car just pulled right in front of " his reply "actually it was a truck" and if he says something a little far fetched and asks me to agree I will say "maybe" and he will say "no it is". He will argue with me until I give in. I am learning to just not say anything sometimes, but he often will say "why are you not talking to me". He over thinks a lot of things. The other day he said "When someone does something bad to you, you should not do something bad back" I said wow did your teacher tell you that, I was enjoying a proud moment and then he took that moment away by saying "so I did something bad and you yelled at me, so really that was not nice"! ughhhh : )
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd - you'll get a lot of support here - check back often and ask questions - gut feeling and intuition when not ignored fuel most of your discovery. I think MWM hit the nail on the head. The sensory stuff is up there and Aspergers or High functioning autism could be what's going on.

    Again, just wanted to say "welcome" and let you know that you've found a wonderful group! Beth
  7. Let me welcome you also. This is a wonderfully supportive group of people.

    I too agree with MWM that this could be Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Aspergers.

    You are on the right track and trusting your instincts. Please keep us posted with what you are learning with his assessments. There are many parents here with plenty of wisdom and insight.
  8. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    Thank you to everyone for the warm welcome. I am thrilled to find somewhere that has some experienced people that are willing to help and share. I do have a question, what book do you think would be best for me to suggest to his current teachers? I do not think that they are at all aware of any sensory issues and I think they would be open to learning in order to understand more and hopefully accommodate when needed.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Until you get a diagnosis (I'm guessing it will be Aspergers...he seems so classic), there really isn't anything you can recommend because he has no diagnosis. Don't expect teachers to actually read it either. Sadly, I found that none of them ever did take up my suggestions. in my opinion the best thing you can do for him is to request IEP test so that they have to test and accomodate him...and I'd get that neuropsychologist evaluation. School evaluations tend to be "iffy."
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I've had some teachers take suggestions... AFTER we got the dxes, and after THEY came to me (not the other way around). Without the dxes, you're "just a parent".
  11. thatboyofmine

    thatboyofmine New Member

    I guess I am just getting ahead of myself a little. I want everything smooth for him, and now : )
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am with the group. The situations you've described sound VERY similar to my difficult child 1 and he's diagnosis'd with Asperger's (and some other stuff). Your son sounds very classic Aspie. I also agree that you won't get much help until you have a diagnosis. Follow through with the evaluation but also send a written request to your school district requesting they do an evaluation for Early Intervention Services. It is usually done by the Special Education staff in the district. That will also open up some doors because their evaluation won't be done before you have the other testing done and you can share any diagnostic stuff after they have received your request.