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OK I am joining you on the couch with a cup of tea...
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 522547" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>TL I've been on this couch waiting for company (said in a humorous way). I mean I wish no one else had to be on this couch but I was getting lonely. Honestly this sounds just exactly what happened with my difficult child. When she finally came clean and told us she was been drinking all along and smoking pot but doing everything in moderation I felt the same way. I was not angry, I was disgusted. In fact I have a magnetic feelings chart on my fridge that easy child got on her first day of college and I moved the marker to disgusted that day and it's been there ever since. There was no reason to get angry any longer. I had done everything I could and I honestly thought to myself that there was a good chance she would end up dead or at least in jail and I decided that if she would end up dead at least there would be an end and as it is now there is no end. I know that sounds horrible but I think you understand what I am trying to say. I was strangely almost relieved that I didn't have to wait for the other shoe to drop any more. She announced that she did not think she was an addict and that pot was a natural substance and she was going to use it. Of course I have since found that she is also using spice and mushrooms and percocets and probably much more and she gets passed out drunk almost every night.</p><p></p><p>I don't exactly know why I am so calm this time. In the past I thought I had to stop her from ruining her life, I had to help her, had to keep that safety net under her. Now I finally realize there is nothing I can do and there is no use in trying and so I'm not making myself crazy checking up on her. I deactivated my facebook so I don't see her, I had my name removed from her bank accounts, I told her to have her cell phone put on her own plan so I can't even see her calls, she is off our auto insurance and the car is out of our name. I have reclaimed her room as a part of our home instead of a pig pen. I've boxed up any of her things that she left and put them away. I threw out soooo many things that were bad memories. There are no more attachments to her and I feel strangely liberated.</p><p></p><p>I still have an ache in my gut about it all but I am enjoying my peaceful life with husband and easy child. I am finally getting to experience what life would have been like the past so many years if we didn't have her drama and chaos and it's nice. She has made it clear that she wants to live this way and so why should I fight it? Why should I project how I would feel in her position? She likes it. She wakes every morning with a horrible headache and passes out every night and she loves it, so who am I to try to get her to change.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child's are not ready for recovery. My difficult child said the same thing, everyone drinks and does drugs. That's the way they look it. I don't know what it will take for them to realize it is a problem. It may take years. I'm not willing to spend those years worrying about it because obviously she isn't.</p><p></p><p>So you and I now have to live a different life and let them live theirs, no matter how much we think that life is destructive. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 522547, member: 59"] TL I've been on this couch waiting for company (said in a humorous way). I mean I wish no one else had to be on this couch but I was getting lonely. Honestly this sounds just exactly what happened with my difficult child. When she finally came clean and told us she was been drinking all along and smoking pot but doing everything in moderation I felt the same way. I was not angry, I was disgusted. In fact I have a magnetic feelings chart on my fridge that easy child got on her first day of college and I moved the marker to disgusted that day and it's been there ever since. There was no reason to get angry any longer. I had done everything I could and I honestly thought to myself that there was a good chance she would end up dead or at least in jail and I decided that if she would end up dead at least there would be an end and as it is now there is no end. I know that sounds horrible but I think you understand what I am trying to say. I was strangely almost relieved that I didn't have to wait for the other shoe to drop any more. She announced that she did not think she was an addict and that pot was a natural substance and she was going to use it. Of course I have since found that she is also using spice and mushrooms and percocets and probably much more and she gets passed out drunk almost every night. I don't exactly know why I am so calm this time. In the past I thought I had to stop her from ruining her life, I had to help her, had to keep that safety net under her. Now I finally realize there is nothing I can do and there is no use in trying and so I'm not making myself crazy checking up on her. I deactivated my facebook so I don't see her, I had my name removed from her bank accounts, I told her to have her cell phone put on her own plan so I can't even see her calls, she is off our auto insurance and the car is out of our name. I have reclaimed her room as a part of our home instead of a pig pen. I've boxed up any of her things that she left and put them away. I threw out soooo many things that were bad memories. There are no more attachments to her and I feel strangely liberated. I still have an ache in my gut about it all but I am enjoying my peaceful life with husband and easy child. I am finally getting to experience what life would have been like the past so many years if we didn't have her drama and chaos and it's nice. She has made it clear that she wants to live this way and so why should I fight it? Why should I project how I would feel in her position? She likes it. She wakes every morning with a horrible headache and passes out every night and she loves it, so who am I to try to get her to change. Our difficult child's are not ready for recovery. My difficult child said the same thing, everyone drinks and does drugs. That's the way they look it. I don't know what it will take for them to realize it is a problem. It may take years. I'm not willing to spend those years worrying about it because obviously she isn't. So you and I now have to live a different life and let them live theirs, no matter how much we think that life is destructive. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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