OK - I am messed up
- Thread starter Steely
- Start date
Steely
Active Member
Thanks, my counselor has the name of one. Unfortunately I have to wait a couple of weeks for it to start.
Thank you though Star.
I have been through so many things in my life - I can't help but think I will make it through this too. Unfortunately this just seems like the last straw, but I am sure, that is not true.
I can only wonder why so many other people on this planet seem to have it so good. An illusion? Maybe. But there has to be a reason you and me have been through all of this. What are we supposed to do with the pain? Keep it ourselves, and suffer? Or somehow channel it into changing the world?
Thank you though Star.
I have been through so many things in my life - I can't help but think I will make it through this too. Unfortunately this just seems like the last straw, but I am sure, that is not true.
I can only wonder why so many other people on this planet seem to have it so good. An illusion? Maybe. But there has to be a reason you and me have been through all of this. What are we supposed to do with the pain? Keep it ourselves, and suffer? Or somehow channel it into changing the world?
happymomof2
New Member
Huge Hugs to you. You are human and when one thing after another hits us it's enough to drive us crazy. We can only take so much.
I can't remember if you said you were taking anything or not but sounds like an anti depressent would help right about now. If you are into natural medications I have taken 5HTP in the past and it has helped me. You can get it from your local health food store. I also have taken Zoloft in the past and it's great but not so great getting off of.
Hang in there, you haven't made it this far in life without being a tough cookie - Vent and cry when needed.
I can't remember if you said you were taking anything or not but sounds like an anti depressent would help right about now. If you are into natural medications I have taken 5HTP in the past and it has helped me. You can get it from your local health food store. I also have taken Zoloft in the past and it's great but not so great getting off of.
Hang in there, you haven't made it this far in life without being a tough cookie - Vent and cry when needed.
Steely,
I am so very sorry. I know you are in a huge amount of pain. PLEASE find a psychiatrist, whether the therapist thinks you need one isn't the point.
If you were not having job problems right now it would be unusual. You are in major stress, it impacts every part of your life.
It is time to find a grief support group. They can be a LOT of help. Most funeral homes offer them, or at least know of them.
While I did not know you or H personally, I have read all you posted about her, even before her death.
I think YOU have not forgiven yourself. H truly loved you. She did NOT hold bad feelings over the abuse. She forgave you. It was clear in all you wrote about your interactions. H seemed to even understand that it was the actions of a child. NOT actions perpetrated by an adult who KNEW it was wrong.
You are in crisis, not failure. All jobs have rough spots. Please, please, please seek help from a psychiatrist, a grief support group, a sexual abuse survivors group, and don't stop posting here.
We care. We will be here for you any day, any time.
Hugs and love,
Susie
I am so very sorry. I know you are in a huge amount of pain. PLEASE find a psychiatrist, whether the therapist thinks you need one isn't the point.
If you were not having job problems right now it would be unusual. You are in major stress, it impacts every part of your life.
It is time to find a grief support group. They can be a LOT of help. Most funeral homes offer them, or at least know of them.
While I did not know you or H personally, I have read all you posted about her, even before her death.
I think YOU have not forgiven yourself. H truly loved you. She did NOT hold bad feelings over the abuse. She forgave you. It was clear in all you wrote about your interactions. H seemed to even understand that it was the actions of a child. NOT actions perpetrated by an adult who KNEW it was wrong.
You are in crisis, not failure. All jobs have rough spots. Please, please, please seek help from a psychiatrist, a grief support group, a sexual abuse survivors group, and don't stop posting here.
We care. We will be here for you any day, any time.
Hugs and love,
Susie
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Steely,
I'm going to try and answer your question the way I believe it. People may or may not agree with me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I do not think that there are accidents in the world. If someone is blessed with a difficult child, it is because they are the ones capable of dealing with the difficult child. So and so down the block does not have a difficult child. Not because her life if so much better. Because there is no way she could handle it. However, don't trick yourself into believing that just because someone seems to have it better means that they really do. Some people are much better actors than others.
What are we supposed to do with all this extra pain? No, not stuff it. We learn from it. We deal with it. We work through it. And we become better people because of it.
True, there are some people who have it pretty easy. And are miserable their entire lives in spite of it. There is a difference between happiness and joy. I may not be happy every day of my life. My life is a very hard one. I struggle to make ends meet. But I have joy in my life. I make a conscious decision every day to make the most of that day. I smile at everyone I see. Some even smile back. Some don't Who cares? It didn't hurt me.
If everybody were able to put their burdens in a bag, and everyone laid their bags in a pile, and then we were all given the chance to go pick anyone's burden's we wanted, we'd all end up picking our own again. Nobody is capable of living our lives but us.
It's a mindset. I look at my dad, bless his heart, and he is the most negative person I know. He complains about everything, and if there is nothing to complain about, he goes looking for something. He's a curmudgeon. I love him to death, but I find it harder and harder to just hang out with him. I'm far from being sally smiles a lot, all ready to pump sunshine up everyone's butt, but I really have my mindset to look at everything with a positive spin. Things are the way they are, no matter how much I complain. So why waste the energy? Acceptance is key.
Yes, easier said than done. My turnaround came with several years of being in a 12 step program, but anybody can do this. It's a mind set. This is how things are? Fine. Now what can I do about it? Live in the solution instead of the problem.
Lots of hugs to you, my friend.
I'm going to try and answer your question the way I believe it. People may or may not agree with me.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. I do not think that there are accidents in the world. If someone is blessed with a difficult child, it is because they are the ones capable of dealing with the difficult child. So and so down the block does not have a difficult child. Not because her life if so much better. Because there is no way she could handle it. However, don't trick yourself into believing that just because someone seems to have it better means that they really do. Some people are much better actors than others.
What are we supposed to do with all this extra pain? No, not stuff it. We learn from it. We deal with it. We work through it. And we become better people because of it.
True, there are some people who have it pretty easy. And are miserable their entire lives in spite of it. There is a difference between happiness and joy. I may not be happy every day of my life. My life is a very hard one. I struggle to make ends meet. But I have joy in my life. I make a conscious decision every day to make the most of that day. I smile at everyone I see. Some even smile back. Some don't Who cares? It didn't hurt me.
If everybody were able to put their burdens in a bag, and everyone laid their bags in a pile, and then we were all given the chance to go pick anyone's burden's we wanted, we'd all end up picking our own again. Nobody is capable of living our lives but us.
It's a mindset. I look at my dad, bless his heart, and he is the most negative person I know. He complains about everything, and if there is nothing to complain about, he goes looking for something. He's a curmudgeon. I love him to death, but I find it harder and harder to just hang out with him. I'm far from being sally smiles a lot, all ready to pump sunshine up everyone's butt, but I really have my mindset to look at everything with a positive spin. Things are the way they are, no matter how much I complain. So why waste the energy? Acceptance is key.
Yes, easier said than done. My turnaround came with several years of being in a 12 step program, but anybody can do this. It's a mind set. This is how things are? Fine. Now what can I do about it? Live in the solution instead of the problem.
Lots of hugs to you, my friend.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Steely
We are meant to deposit our "baggage" eventually. Or rather the wisdom we gained along the way. And when that time comes you may or may not even realize that you're doing it.
I've watched Travis struggle to survive only to live a life riddled with disabilities. His life has always been one tough challenge after another. By the time he was a teen I'd built up alot of resentment toward God over my son. What possible reason could he have to put so d@mn much onto one child? No matter how I tried to look at it, I just couldn't see the reasons.
Travis was in his teens when my best friend was pregnant with her 2nd child. She knew Travis' whole story. Every bit. Turned out her son's birth was almost a carbon copy of Travis'. And to this day she remembers mumbling that in the car as they followed the ambulance to Children's the night he was born. What kept her going was the fact that Travis had beaten the odds and survived.
Her son came home and according to docs was "normal". By the 2nd week I was nagging her because I'd already noticed he wasn't using his left side at all, so much so that the left side of his head was flatting out. I go along to the docs with her. doctor sends her back to Children's. Her son has CP. She's not devistated, instead is determined that her son will one day function as well, and with earlier therapy, if not better than Travis.
I've been mentioning her son's autistic behaviors to her for some time. She finally took him in to be evaled at children's again. He also has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Her family went wild til she explained that he was no different than Travis. (they love Travis)
My point is I guess....Well, while most of this was going on I didn't realize what an impact Travis' life was having on this child's life. Through Travis' experiences, this child was being helped, and at a MUCH earlier age. Because of Travis' tragedies, this little boy has opportunities Travis never had.
When I really stop to think about it, I can think of three other children who's lives were improved because of what Travis when through. And those are just the one's I know about.
I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Our lives are like ripples in a pond. While we know many of those our lives touch, there are many many we are never aware of that something we do or say can have a profound affect on.
We are meant to deposit our "baggage" eventually. Or rather the wisdom we gained along the way. And when that time comes you may or may not even realize that you're doing it.
I've watched Travis struggle to survive only to live a life riddled with disabilities. His life has always been one tough challenge after another. By the time he was a teen I'd built up alot of resentment toward God over my son. What possible reason could he have to put so d@mn much onto one child? No matter how I tried to look at it, I just couldn't see the reasons.
Travis was in his teens when my best friend was pregnant with her 2nd child. She knew Travis' whole story. Every bit. Turned out her son's birth was almost a carbon copy of Travis'. And to this day she remembers mumbling that in the car as they followed the ambulance to Children's the night he was born. What kept her going was the fact that Travis had beaten the odds and survived.
Her son came home and according to docs was "normal". By the 2nd week I was nagging her because I'd already noticed he wasn't using his left side at all, so much so that the left side of his head was flatting out. I go along to the docs with her. doctor sends her back to Children's. Her son has CP. She's not devistated, instead is determined that her son will one day function as well, and with earlier therapy, if not better than Travis.
I've been mentioning her son's autistic behaviors to her for some time. She finally took him in to be evaled at children's again. He also has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Her family went wild til she explained that he was no different than Travis. (they love Travis)
My point is I guess....Well, while most of this was going on I didn't realize what an impact Travis' life was having on this child's life. Through Travis' experiences, this child was being helped, and at a MUCH earlier age. Because of Travis' tragedies, this little boy has opportunities Travis never had.
When I really stop to think about it, I can think of three other children who's lives were improved because of what Travis when through. And those are just the one's I know about.
I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. Our lives are like ripples in a pond. While we know many of those our lives touch, there are many many we are never aware of that something we do or say can have a profound affect on.
Lisa has a point. Because of my brother's problems and behavior, I took my difficult child and jess and thank you in for help at MUCH earlier ages. I wanted them to have the tools to handle problems. My difficult child seems to be headed in my brother's footsteps (if not worse), but it is not for lack of tools and help to do better.
Jess and thank you, but Jess especially, have gotten help for sibling abuse and other sibling problems where Ireceived none. So my abuse was NOT in vain, it made me SEE and then help my kids and suggest help to a few friends when their children had problems.
Have you discussed the inability to pay for more frequent sessions with your amazing counsellor? I know many many many counsellors are willing to take a smaller payment, a deferred payment, or even no payment form some clients who are in crisis. You are such a special person, I think your counsellor might be willing to help if you ask.
Please ask.
You are in my daily prayers, and I am sending hugs to you each and every hour.
Hugs,
Susie
Jess and thank you, but Jess especially, have gotten help for sibling abuse and other sibling problems where Ireceived none. So my abuse was NOT in vain, it made me SEE and then help my kids and suggest help to a few friends when their children had problems.
Have you discussed the inability to pay for more frequent sessions with your amazing counsellor? I know many many many counsellors are willing to take a smaller payment, a deferred payment, or even no payment form some clients who are in crisis. You are such a special person, I think your counsellor might be willing to help if you ask.
Please ask.
You are in my daily prayers, and I am sending hugs to you each and every hour.
Hugs,
Susie
dreamer
New Member
Well, I wrote a post but then -----I don't know, I lost track of myself..got interrupted, and then decided I had NO idea WHAT I was trying to say besides a bazillion hugs to you!
And-----(I worked this into what I already wrote and did not post so much more gracefully, but...)
Becuz there is an ongoing investigation- is there any possibility Victims Compensation might apply to help you with any costs associated with increased visits with your therapist? I do not know all the ins and outs....and I know it happened not where YOU are...but is it possible this could be checked in to?
and here is a bazillion more hugs....my words are not working so good today.
And-----(I worked this into what I already wrote and did not post so much more gracefully, but...)
Becuz there is an ongoing investigation- is there any possibility Victims Compensation might apply to help you with any costs associated with increased visits with your therapist? I do not know all the ins and outs....and I know it happened not where YOU are...but is it possible this could be checked in to?
and here is a bazillion more hugs....my words are not working so good today.
M
ML
Guest
Steel,
H would be so upset if she thought you were blaming yourself for her unhappiness. She understood that you were a victim too. That's why you were so close. I highly encourage you to keep posting and seeing the p and therapist. Make sure your medications are right. Get tons of sleep, and if you can force yourself out try to walk a little bit. Also, pamper yourself. Baths, pedicures, facials. I wish I was there to give you a massage and paint your nails. We all love you. This is a horrible time and the grief is fresh. Trust that in time it won't hurt this much. I'd find another job. I know this was initially a career you thought you wanted and may still be. But for now, you need to be in environment of positive. There is always negative to grab onto in this world. We all make mistakes and i'm sure that you're not at the top of your game right now. Any decent person wouldn't expect you to be. Try to tune out the negative and grab onto how we see you. Competent, beautiful, amazing and strong.
Always with love, ML
H would be so upset if she thought you were blaming yourself for her unhappiness. She understood that you were a victim too. That's why you were so close. I highly encourage you to keep posting and seeing the p and therapist. Make sure your medications are right. Get tons of sleep, and if you can force yourself out try to walk a little bit. Also, pamper yourself. Baths, pedicures, facials. I wish I was there to give you a massage and paint your nails. We all love you. This is a horrible time and the grief is fresh. Trust that in time it won't hurt this much. I'd find another job. I know this was initially a career you thought you wanted and may still be. But for now, you need to be in environment of positive. There is always negative to grab onto in this world. We all make mistakes and i'm sure that you're not at the top of your game right now. Any decent person wouldn't expect you to be. Try to tune out the negative and grab onto how we see you. Competent, beautiful, amazing and strong.
Always with love, ML
