Ok... Im lost what to do with daughter...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Mar 19, 2014.

  1. Confused

    Confused Guest

    You all know by now all my issues as well as theres not much to do but get them further tested. I agree...but....And I know not to self diagnose just looking for for info /person opinions and experiences with Autism VS Schizophrenia. I looked up both and know about Schiz because of my mom. I prayed it would skip my kids. Im so scared my daughter might have Schiz. You all brought up possible Autsim because of lack of facial emotion/ not wanting baths ( rarely), wont talk to people shes knows her whole life, even kids she really has to be in a miracle mood. She used to love playing w kids, taking baths and laughed/smiled! :( But her grades are good and shes focused on Electronics so she has let them go down. I don't know if I told you all but a lady at a function right a way says she has Autism Spectrum because of lack of facial and speech.... EXACTLY like her now 20 year old son.

    Today we fought because 8th grade grad pics and her hair yikes!!! You can tell not being washed... and she said she was done her.. I went back on my promise by saying just go to your dads :( I messed up dearly. I feel so bad and shes not talking to me once again. I wasnt thinkin Schiz until someone mentioned it. I know its rare but possible for it to show lil signs now. I know its a possibility but definitely wont bring this up to my daughter because she will be dwelling on it and it will ruin her. But I have brought up the possible Autism. I saw a link where it said it could be both :( If its Schiz theres not much we can do but wait to be sure. Meanwhile Im trying to get more out of her about what she thinks/ feels without pressing her.

    Heartbroken and getting more and more scared... One child who is aggressive and one with possible Autism or Schiz :(

    I am burnt and am looking for a job, once I do that, I know my grandfather will need someone else for appts and he will have to accept this. I have had to rearrange appts ( we have 2 or more appts in a day.. aggressive son and disabled grandpa.. ya.. lil too much in one day. for him and us and all this in a week blah!
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Stop... for your own good and your daughter's sake too. She needs a careful evaluation by a professional that can rule in or rule out disorders. Try to make a list of fruitful things you can do for your daughter rather than shake out a diagnosis by yourself that may not be accurate. Besides, you will need professional help to manage your daughter's illness so the speculation is really pointless. I understand how much of a primal need it is to know what is going on with your child, I really do, but you can't let the thirst for this knowledge eat you alive. :(
     
  3. Confused

    Confused Guest

    tiredmommy, I know your right. I mean, I want to help her any way I can but at the same time, would rather leave it alone ( for now) because I want to enjoy her ability to do things now, I want her to feel and be as relaxed and feeling safe with no worries about either possible issue. I think if she was my sons age again, and the things I know now, I would have realized more maybe.. But now, I just am praying she will be fine. I know I have worried about her/ my son since day one, but with her, I always thought social anxiety. Anyways, I see your point. I think with more and more people ( at school, functions, grocery stores) I have been more worried then ever. I just want to defend her when they make comments, I dont know what to say.
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Confused, whatever she has, she has. And it is not the end of the world. But it is something she needs to learn to deal with - and if needed medicated. Finding out, what it is, is the best placwe to start. Sometimes just a name can help a lot. Not just you, but her. She likely knows already she isn't like others. She may have even silly fears because of that, that she is not admitting even to you. Just hoping it goes away, is not likely going to help her to handle it.

    With my son, he has some scary symptoms. He sees things that are not there, or things that are there very differently. He hears things that are not there or differently. He loses time. Things he senses can get really wonky and different and while he knows what he sees or hears or feels can't be a truth, they feel very real to him. As you can imagine, that tended ton scare stuffings out of him. He was afraid he was going crazy and would lose his touch to reality. Struggling with that kind of worry on top of those symptoms had to be extremely hard for him. For him just a name for those symptoms and knowledge what they are about, has helped immeasurably. Simple information didn't end the symptoms, but it has made it much easier for him to live with those symptoms. And when it was known what all that was about, he has been taught techniques etc. to control those symptoms. Not perfect, not at least yet, but at least for him the name for the symptoms made a huge difference.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused, autism is from birth. I don't know for sure what your daughter has, but Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is something you may notice more as a child gets older, but it was always there. It does not get worse, although it CAN get considerably better if there are the proper interventions. If she has not always been this way (Daughter) I would not assume autism is the cause of it. I thought she was born this way...

    On the other hand, schizophrenia usually includes cognitive disintegration and your daughter is still doing well in school. Others are noticing your daughter is "different." Something is going on. May as well take the plunge and find out what.

    I'd go to a neuropsychologist. I know it's hard to hear, but it is in her best interests that you start to treat whatever is wrong with her as soon as possible. It sounds as if she is deteriorating. Hugs and good luck.
     
  6. Confused

    Confused Guest

    SuZir- You are going through a lot with your son and yes, thats hard to imagine what they are exactly feeling. I know, I agree she has what she has, I guess I just havent really accepted it or realized it can be more than I thought.

    MidwestMom- She went everywhere daily with us and my grandfather ..stores, restaurants, parks etc.. daily places where there were kids. She did well,potty trained completely by 3 ( nights the hardest) one accident in Pre K and one in 1st. My grandpa said she was just fine in Kinder cause she ran to one of her now ex-friends as she calls her and would smile and hug her. I stare at her baby and 3/4 year old pictures cuz she would smile in them. After that, nothing :( But She was starting to smile less and get a little more quite, hugged less and started smiling less. ( no new changes her dad was in and out of her life nothing new) Also Holidays like Christmas and Birthdays early on she quit showing emotion of happiness for stuff she like or wanted. She started pre-k and the teacher always told me she was playing fine with the kids esp the only other girl in the class but quite ( ill double check what she said- my memory is bla) . By the time she went to kinder that was her biggest turning point and first she was fully the way she is now. The grades were always good, but math always struggled now all she wants to do is watch TV play electronics and really puts no effort in, she was up until 12am again this am with it! Electric goes off at 9 tonight! She gets her feelings hurt, embarrassed, intimidated I don't know when we mention math tutor! She takes offense soooo easy to almost everything it seems and holds a grudge until the end of time. This morning I offered to help her with her hair ( knots, dried flake patches) she said its fine , she can do it, she didnt. Its like it doesnt bother her?

    I asked the doctors all these years they said "Extremely/overly Shy" they say. Her first grade teacher said put her in Drama Class because shes too shy and quite it should work, ( couldn't find one) I got comments then too but the older she gets , she doesnt wear makeup like other teens, she doesnt hang out with her friends much ( should I say they dont call her to go out and when she wants to they "cant". One friend she met from another girl in class ( talk on phone/comp) they have yet to meet in person even when I said lets go meet her parents and you girls go to the movies. They figured by the time she was a teen she shoulda been " talkative , smile more make up etc" She is still barely in Honor Society ( math is bad), still on student council, still in scouts even tho we need a new troop that lady quit, LOVES shopping still, already learning the road rules to drive ( even tho she has a ways to go), keeps talking about when she goes the the University here, so that gives me hope! Im proud of her, extremely, just worried.One high school she wanted so far accepted her in, now if she chooses there its up to her, but they said they will work with her. But yes, without saying anything Im gonna figure out to get her looked at. Oh, she does write notes like a reg teen during class back and fourth! For that, actually relieves me!!!
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Confused.....still sounds an awful lot like autism as opposed to schizophrenia. Honest. She isn't hearing voices or seeing things that aren't there are talking to people who don't exist. She is acting a lot like my son did at her age only he is more animated and does have a lot of expression on his face. All Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are different. Your daughter could very well have Aspergers and t hat is NOT the end of the world. Many Aspies are bright and do very well in school and in the job world and eventually marry and have families as they learn better how to socialize.

    One of the symptoms of autism spectrum disorder is narrow interests. Some of the kids can fixate on train schedules and learn every schedule they can get their hands on (by memory!) and some are fixated on electronics (very common fixation in autism). My son never did care to hang out at the mall like the other kids and he loved his videogames and TV too. Autistics tend to have unusual or not-good imaginations so they use outside stimuli to amuse themselves...videogames and TV can do the trick. We always forced (sounds bad, but we did force) Sonic to join sports and go to some school functions and he did make friends at school. But at home he just really didn't want to have visitors.

    One day a girl from school, his best friend, visited him. He was in his teens. He had known her all his life. She was happy to be in the neighborhood and able to visit him. I told him she was here and he whispered, "Oh, can't you just tell her I'm not home? I don't want to interrupt my game right now. Please?" He wasn't being mean. He just wanted to be alone (shrug). He also did not pay attention to his hygiene. He is twenty now and doing better with the hygiene, but still not up to where non-autistic kids are. Not that all Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids are bad on the hygiene, but some are. That's because Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids and adults are less tuned in to what is socially acceptable and many don't really care. We still have to remind Sonic to bathe. He'll do it now though. He used to pretend to forget :)

    I think your daughter would probably test as being some sort of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). From what I know of schizophrenia, which is just what I've read and what I saw when I spent three weeks in a psychiatric hospital, it is a thought disorder that makes one hallucinate when not properly medicated and that also affects cognitive function. Your daughter would not be grounded in reality or keeping up her grades if she had developed it. I wouldn't be afraid to find out what's going on. It will get the monkey off your back...give you relief, I believe.

    Gentle hugs. You are a real trooper. I know it's hard now, but you really seem to have strong shoulders and I hope things improve...A LOT!!
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Confused,
    {{hugs}}
    I agree with-MWM. I really don't see any schizophrenia there.

    Can you bribe her to wash her hair? What does she love to do? Of course, then she'll expect a reward every time, but it may be worth it. :)
     
  9. Confused

    Confused Guest

    Thanks MidwestMom and TerryJ2, I am just going to take it day by day. He sounds like my daughter MidwestMom!!! She does that too! Yes, I know about hallucinations-( my mom) she hasn't said anything to me but I know it doesnt always show up this young. My mom was in her early 20's when officially diagnosed with more noticeable symptoms. When she was younger, family said there was a couple " hints as they say" that she had it.

    TerryJ2, I used to be able to bribe her or nag until she did it, but she is sooo stubborn now! I will still think of something to try!
     
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