OK, Ladies

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Jan 18, 2012.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Am I being ignored for some reason?

    I am starting to get feedback from my complaints re PO and I need a support group.....have I worn my welcome out here?
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    LOL... Not as far as I am concerned... I hadn't seen anything recently... But then, between crazy-busy weekend and then busy at work, I've not been reading everything!

    So, lemme go look. And I will see if I actually have anything to tell you!!!
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    thank you- it's just a time period where I could blow my top with Department of Juvenile Justice and now am starting to get the lower-level responses which are about the lamest koi I've ever heard.
    I wasn't getting responses on my previous posts so I didn't know if I should even post about this latest stuff.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry if I missed something. I have had a few responses to post not be there when I went back to read the thread. I am NOT ignoring you or anyone. As far as I know you haven't worn out any welcome. Keep your cool, vent here, and PM me if you don't see a response for a couple of days. One day might be a migraine, but I usually don't miss more than that. I am having some computer glitches though, which is what I think happened to my missing responses on other posts. I also had an email I sent to husband just not be there. It was in my sent folder though, so I just resent it (it was a test I typed for him - bet his students were wishing I couldn't find it, lol!)
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    OK, I'm going to get this vent out now since you twisted my arm. LOL (JK)

    Yesterday I went to difficult child's mental health treatment plan that PO and super "gave me permission to go to" but said it wasn't necessary to attend. Now over the weekend , as I was reviewing regs and policies to prepare my letters, I found that both the juvenile and parent are SUPPOSED to be there. Also, I found that it's policy now for POs to get the recommendations in from Department of Juvenile Justice 90 days prior to release (PO had that meeting 45 days prior to release) and then 30 days prior to release this treatment plan mtg is supposed to be held, funding for any required service lined up, and services put in place. Yesterday was 21 days prior to release and this was just the treatment plan mtg. difficult child was not conferenced in and I was led to believe I didn't even need to be there, however I did go. So already, those policies and regs were not met.

    Also there- 2 other POs for some strange reason, a person from state behavioral health and someone from school district. What I noticed is that they get these people together and have parents come every 15 mins or so to slam out these treatment plan mtgs all in one day. Whatever- it wasn't a by-the -book county mtg for funding services so I have no idea what the point of having school district and behavioral health there is.

    Anyway, PO passed out a form- it said difficult child's name and reason for commitment and expected release date. In the section for "required services", it said "group home and re-entry service" This is one of my beefs with him- that is NOT definning services. That is listing placement- reentry services can be anything.

    He said difficult child would get anger management and substance abuse counseling- well, that's what he's getting in Department of Juvenile Justice and that's what this GH's standard is. I waited my turn then modestly asked about a MH therapist (licensed). PO told me we'd talk about it later. I asked why we needed to wait since this is the MH treatment plan mtg. No answer. school district rep looked like she wanted an answer, too. I brought up that difficult child was in counseling with a psychiatric prior to first commitment and a licensed therapist had been provided to him throughout both commitments and PO had heard that therapist state that at last mtg and recommend that it be continued. One of the other POs told difficult child's PO to write that down- PO said he'd write down that difficult child needed a therapist. I said "a LICENSED MH therapist". He said ok but can I pay for it0- NO I cannot. It's his responsibility since he wasn't releasing difficult child from Department of Juvenile Justice custody and returning him to me. He looked befuddled. I said maybe difficult child can get on medicaid since it's an out-of-home placement. Behavioral rep said usually county funds cover it- I said that's what I thought.

    Then school district rep said we needed an enrollment hearing for difficult child to return to school after his release. I said yes, I was aware and difficult child is on an IEP so we'd need that mtg in conjunction with it. She said, Yeah that's right, she'd be contacting me soon if that's ok, I said sure. PO looked befuddled- I guess that blew his idea that he could take over school district and IEP. LOL!

    Then , this morning I see newspaper article about this state Department of Juvenile Justice- I posted it in a thread in the WC but no one responded so it's probably on the second page of this forum by now. That get me steamed. LOL! (The article- it just hurt my feelings that no one read it. :( ) Anyway, then a few mins ago, the ombudsman from central Department of Juvenile Justice office called me to followup from my call to her last week. She said "I understand you all had a mtg yesterday"- that tells me she has been in touch with PO. She asked if I feel better now. I said Uhmmm, no, why would I? She said she'd "looked into it" and thought PO's plan was a sstep-down- now let me say that NO ONE has called this a step-down program except PO. She said she thought it was a wonderful thing. I said I was really in no frame of mind to listen to someone defend this PO. She said they just wanted to make sure difficult child didn't re-offend when he finally was released back into the community. I said, well, that's not much different then saying you'll just keep him locked up because you're so concerned he'll re-offend if you unlock the door but you aren't allowed to keep him locked up for that reason. Re-entry is supposed to be there to help transition the kid, not keep him entangled because you're looking for a reason to prevent release. She said well, they don't look at it that way. I said I did, given that the decision was made without them even looking at difficult child's file and they admitted that to me. So, I told her since there is no policy or procedure for filing a grievance, I had already written my letters to file a formal complaint against Department of Juvenile Justice because as far as I am concerned, they have gotten completely out of control. She got quiet for a VERY long time. Finally, I asked if she was still there and if there was anything else we needed to discuss and got off the phone.

    PO would have ordered tons of stuff if difficult child was coming straight home- yesterday he was only going to order what the GH typically requires and offers at the GH. I didn't raise a stink at that mtg but got the objectives met calmly. I guess because i didn't raise a stink, PO told ombudsman everything was fine now. So is an ombudsman just there to smooth things over?

    And do you think there's any chance in hades that difficult child is going to have a therapist and transportation to/from appts with therapist lined up within the next 3 weeks? HAHA
    PO acts like he doesn't know what to do- it's up to me. NOPE- when it's a difficult child coming from home to GH, the parents maintain responsibility; when it's a kid committed to Department of Juvenile Justice, Department of Juvenile Justice maintains responsibility. It's in the regs. I tend to think PO and his super both are used to serving as probation officers but are clueless when it comes to serving as parole officers.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Wow... honestly I've no idea what to say except "clueless" is clearly more in the loop than they seem to be!
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am so glad you at least got to say some things and there were others there to hear it, whether it helps?? but I am glad.

    The rest?? It has all been such a sad lesson for me... I am just heartbroken for you and difficult child.

    Your article, I was on this morning and i click every new post... I even click second page... I didn't see it... maybe that was when I went put Q's snack stuff together... sorry, I actually am going to go read it because I have followed your story so much and want to know....
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi K--

    I have read all your posts, and I often feel like we are both lost in some kind of sick, Alice-in-Wonderland, nightmare...up is down, down is up, right is wrong. It's sickening and scary. And if I had the slightest idea how to escape - I'd rush us BOTH to the nearest exit.

    I just wanted to let you know that I support you, and I'm sorry I haven't been responding more...

    Often, I'm just speechless and saddened by the whole situation.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    DF, k - yes... We referred to our situation as "down the rabbit-hole" before I ever found this board... It's so very true...

    The justice system ISN'T interested in justice. They are interested in blame. The county children's services are interested in aging out and pushing so much ludicrous paperwork at you that many people give up. Those are the warrior moms and dads who aren't here... Those who have just flat given up trying. Even though several of us are at the "throw in the towel" point, we're not throwing the towel in on our kids - it's on those who are supposed to be helping our kids. We're pushing the kids themselves to the sink or swim point.

    The fact is, "people in general" cry out and make a big hullaballoo about MH, but unless they are directly affected by their own difficult child (child, sibling, parent, friend)... They don't act. We do. We have to. And no matter what we do, we are blamed for being bad parents.

    But how can we not try?
  10. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    WOW! It seems like everyone is really good at B. S. ing! And eventually the parent will say ok and stop questioning things....and then they can go on not do things that they need to do,not even the bare minimum status quo. Even asking for the bare minimum is like pulling teeth, like they never heard of anything like that, but they seem to agree just to appease you and if things don't happen, oh well, they don't care. It almost seems like you need to be really FIRM, document as they sit there, get names, have every question answered and written down and mention that you know xx judge, and he's your uncle's friend and he's going to see this. Find out WHO you call if this doesn't happen, or that doesn't go as planned and ask a MILLION questions that you write down. Get phone numbers, catch them in their discrepencies. I know a principal- not one I work with, and her job, her words ----is mostly being a good b.s.er. That stinks, but it sounds like that's what those people's best ability at work seems to be.

    Sometimes I read a post, but don't respond right away I need to think about it, or I'm in the middle of somethin gand just pop over every once in awhile.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Exactly, UAN- I imagine it was this way in sds before the rights were established with Wrightslaw re IEPs. I know the kids need to be held accountable when they break the law and juvie courts have to be able to dish out punishments/sentencees, however, these kids and the parents need further protections and fed law to ensure they are upheld- just like with IEPs. CSU personnel aren't even as sophiticated when it comes to at risk youth as the people in schools.

    And thank all of you for the support- I was just about to blow a gasket yesterday and really wanted more than I should have expected- it was me being too on edge about all this- you know, when you know a shoe is about to drop but this time it isn't so much difficult child as the system.
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I think that's the case for lots of us... we just end up speechless.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hon, I read the posts, but often I don't have the experience to respond and give you any good advice. I never dealt with POs or juvie or that stuff (thank heaven above) so I'm clueless as to how all that works.

  14. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I do see most posts in this forum. I don't have any experience with the jive system outside my early teen years and we are also in different countries. I feel silly sometimes always posting "thinking of you" when a person needs concrete input and I can't participate due to lack of knowledge.

    Please know that I do read and think of you often. I can understand the aggravation dealing with these agencies, I went through that type of thing when working to get Matt into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) many years back. I am proud of you that you are writing letters and working to hold then to task and to their own mandates. Small consolation when it is being ignored I know, but you sure are a warrior mom!
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have no idea what more you can do. I know it is all a who you know and if you have the money to do something better upfront.

    Jamie had a coworker about 2 years ago now who's son is a difficult child and he got in some pretty serious trouble. She was horribly upset and confided in Jamie who had her contact me because he knew that I was the best person for her to talk to having been there done that. Knowing Klmno's experience with Department of Juvenile Justice in VA, I passed that on. They had the funds to place their son in a private placement prior to what would have been conviction and because both of his parents worked in law enforcement...one county and one federal...this boy made it out with only one year in a very structured facility for his issue. No conviction. He got the mental health treatment he needed and from what I have been told he is doing very well now.
  16. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I follow your posts but your Department of Juvenile Justice system keeps me confused. I never know what to say.
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you all- all of you, again. Sometimes it's just knowing someone else cares a little that keeps me going. It means a lot to me to have this board and all of you here, even if I just need to vent and not be grammatically correct in my writing. LOL! It's amazing how much that can help before I actually put something in writing to those in the system, or make serious decisions re difficult child's and my lives, whatever.....
    I'm just so tired of feeling like they are amking stupid decisions re my son and that my hands are tied to do anything except stand back and watch them ruin his little chances of turning things around- and him self sabatoging it because he doesn't know what else to do....and any time i try to tell myself it's just me thinking I know more than them and I should try harder, I have to stop and ask myself "then why hasn't it worked"? How can I trust their decisions when they admitted they hadn't even read the file? How can they be good, objective decisions when they tell me things like "we'll let him out when we feel like it"?