ok..quick over view

[sweetjj]

Ok everyone, quick overview..more to come later in details! Our biggest challenge is our 15 yr old son Rob. He is an angry mean child, yet can be so loving and charming and funny. He has has some emotional issues since he was about 5 when my ex left us (more on that story later). Anyway, he is currently taking citalopram for depression and we jsut got him in to see a psychiatrist. He has been to a few counselors and the last one he would just refuse to speak or would just be mean to her and say things like, you ugly, i hate you, your stupid, ect. Sometimes he is wonderful and fun and then the minute he doesnt like something or he doesnt get his way or you tell him no or his sister makes him mad..holy cow, our world goes upside down. He has punched holes in the wall, broke 2 cell phones throwing then against the wall. He breaks lots of stuff. Punching and violance/threatening are his way. If he misses a pill or doesnt take it holy cow life really ***** then. He is tired and sleeps all the time. He had played football since 7th grade and this year refused to do it. He doesnt do anything he used to love anymore. This year..since summer...he has had sex, almost got g/f pregnant (thankfully it was a negative), smoked pot, lets friends in his bedroom window (we solved that problem) and allowed them to smoke pot in our home...he is doing 9th grade 2nd time cuz he flunked too many glasses to move to high school (high school is 10-12 here), misses school all the time..flunking still.. ugggg i could go on and on... but i wont. He took some testing with- the dr the week before thanksgiving for bipolar and we havent gotten results yet. He went bk today but hubby took him so I am not sure what was said. Anyway, i am so happy I have found this site. I dont always have a lot of time to post but just knowing you are all here for me is so helpful. Yes..hx of bipolar on both sides of family, bio dad lots of mental issues and is not nor has been in the picture. I have depression, bipolar and others on my side of family. I suffer some anxiety & depression but I think it might be related to my difficult child! lol

Me:32 - some anxiety/depression - paroxetine
hubby:42 - some anxiety due to tour in Iraq - citalopram
difficult child:15 depression, possible bipolar, i ? maybe borderline personality? citalopram
sister:13 - our heaven...great girl
step brother:16 - some anxiety
step sis:20 - average hard working girl
brother:9 - bipolar, ADHD, Focalin XR, risperdone - functions well with medications

 

[klmno]

Well, this all sounds familiar- I think you're in the right place! Sorry, but welcome and hello!

What kind of tests did they do for bipolar? I'm under the impression that theere are not any tests for this. Has he had a child & adolscent psychiatrist involved? Has he had neuropsychological testing involved? Is he on an IEP at school? Has anyone else in the family been diagnosed with bipolar?

Sorry for so many questions- the answers will fill us in though and help with advice.

This is a great place for support. We've all had others blame us for our kids' problems and it is a godsend to find a place to vent, get advice from those who've already walked in these shoes, not be judged, and share a laugh sometimes.

Again, welcome!! Maybe look around other threads while waiting on others to respond...

 

[sweetjj]

thanks so much for the quick reply!! Yes, My sister is severe bipolar. she is a mess right now because she wont take medications and drinks and does drugs. I worry that is how we turn out!!! also my youngest son who is 9 has bipolar but is well controled right now with medications & weekly therapy with child psychiatric. Rob is seeing an adolesant psychologist right now. I am not sure of the testing he did. It was 3 hrs long and he had to answer like 300 questions. The whole time he was there, he texted me at work.."this is stupid, i hate this, why you making me do this" even though he know he isnt supposed to txt me at work unless emergency grrrrrr... We have worked with teh school on an iep (same as 504?) but we have to get more info from the dr's before they can do anything.

Also, we have had to call the cops on him 2 times for violance. things like hitting walls, breaking things, threatening us, running out of the house. Unfortunatly I am just not good at this whole thing..and he gets my buttons pushed and I will smack his mouth, then we brawl, then he tries to leave and i try to hold him back.. ugggg vicious circle.... then there are times he is just peachy peachy fine.... so confusing and tiring!

 

[klmno]

It sounds like there is a good chance he might be bipolar, then. I guess you know that. If he's on medications- stimulants or antidepressants- I think I'd re-evaluate that. You say he sees a child psychologist- if he's bipolar or you think he is , I would recommend getting a child/adolescent psychiatrist on board too. Bipolar, being a result of chemical imbalance in the brain, should be treated by a doctor, in my humble opinion, as well as getting counseling by a highly experienced counselor.

 

[Jena]

hi i'm just jumping in to welcome you as well and say pretty much the same we have all been blamed at one point or another for our child's "behaviors" or lack thereof. Bipolar is a confusing disorder as im sure you already know. It sounds like you have done alot so far in regards to getting treatment and having tests done. I second that on the anti depressants and the anxiety medications if any, wow they make my difficult child fly about bad! Also a pyshdoc is the best way to go, i agree with klmno. they can walk you thru the process and be familiar with the medications for this particular disorder if that is infact what he has.

a 504 i have learned is different than an iep. yup took some learning on my part. a 504 is great, yet the school is n't legally required to follow it. It's almost like "suggested" things, whereas the iep is totally different ball of wax.

sending you some support and i know it can be so very hard at times. hang in there.

((((hugs)))))

 

[susiestar]

I want to welcome youhere,if I didn't already. You sure are in the right place!

First of all,I strongly recommend you read a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It will give you insight into how he thinks andways to parent him.

I also recommend Love & Logic Parenting for Teens by Fay and Cline. I have found it invaluable. You can also go to their website: www.loveandlogic.com for lots of good info.

Next, no matter WHAT he does- STOP smacking him in the mouth or anywhere else.

I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ABUSING HIM. The thought of abuse is NOT why I say this. With our kids, they don't think or react the way "normal" kids do. With a difficult child if you hit him it tells him that hitting someone smaller or weaker is OK. So hitting or smacking INCREASES the violence and does nothing to change the behavior for the better.

There is a form on in the FAQ section of the board that will help you make a Parent Report. Here is a link to it: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10

A Parent Report is a way to organize ALL the info on your child, including your hopes and dreams for him, and communicate it to the people who work with you to help him. Many of us have found it to be invaluable. I personally find a picture of my son (small, like a school photo) at the beginning of each section to be very helpful. It helps the docs, therapists, etc... remember exactly which child this is about.

You can give copies to the docs, or just have info on hand to tell the docs when they ask questions.

I am not sure what kinds of testing you had done, but you may want to have either a neuropsychologist test him or have a multi-disciplinary evaluation done. Multi-disc evaluations are when a group of different professionals all evaluate him and then work together to figure out what is going on. You can find this at Children's Hospitals or University Hospitals usually.

I am truly sorry all this is going on. I hope that things can get better soon.

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi SweetJJ, welcome.
Sounds like with-all that bipolar in the family, you definitely have a clue as to what to look for. Your son's anger issues, and then his sleeping habits do indicate a bipolar problem. Coupled with-typical teen defiance, you've got your hands full!

I'm glad that the 9-yr-old is doing well.

I agree with-the recommendation to read The Explosive Child. It will get you to look at things differently and approach them differently.

You're going to have to learn not to smack him in the mouth, because he probably thrives on the conflict and it will only escalate things. I hate to sound like a pusher, but you may want to get on some medications to calm down, just so you can handle him. You don't have to be on them forever.
I've never heard of the medication he's on. Sounds like he needs something else.

So sorry about your sister. Sigh. It must be hard to watch her make all those mistakes.

 

[BusynMember]

Wow. The drugs aren't helping him either. I'm so sorry. My daughter used drugs and she told me that parents usually don't know the extent of the drug use. Kids may admit to pot, but if your son is busting holes in the wall, it's likely more than pot...can you give him a home drug test? Just spring it on him? His excess sleeping is a red flag almost screaming that he's taking a lot more drugs than pot. My daughter used to sleep all day/be up all night. Turns out she snorted speed and cocaine and took downers to make her tired. We didn't find any of this out until after she quit, so take it seriously.
Your son won't get better, no matter what is wrong, if he abuses drugs or alcohol. medications won't help him if he takes other stuff. You may need to get him into treatment for dual diagnosis. You only have a few years yet to help him...at 18 he is legally his own boss. I wish you luck and hope you can find the right help for him. PS--If he were my kid, his cell phone days would be over, and he wouldn't be taking driver's ed anytime soon. My daughter DID get her license and she got into a serious car accident.

 

[flutterbee]

I just wanted to welcome you to the board.

 

[sweetjj]

So R went to the psychologist friday. he was upset when i got home from work. Grumpy and surrly. I asked how it went. He just said, go talk to dad I dont want to talk about it. Finally after some prodding and discussion from dad he said dr told him he is severly depressed, has anger issues, anxiety and trust issues. i guess he will be upping the his medications as well. I have put a call into the dr to get a full story of it all but am waiting for call back. anyway, i talked to him and told him we can make it through this too and that it doesnt make him a bad person. He just shrugged. Anyway, the dr gave us some things to do with him. #1 - pick you battles.. #2 - he will be doing something good around the house and we have to try to see if we notice what it is. I didnt like this one much just cuz unless its really obvious it might be hard. maybe i dont have enough faith in myself, anyway, i found myself looking around all weekend for something...unfortunalty i just didint find anything specific. he didnt clean his room, do any chores unless asked ect. He did have a better attitude more the most part, but i just dont know. Anyway, just wanted to give an update and let you all know i am still here
JJ

 

[klmno]

Having a good therapist on baord is important- and difficult to find sometimes. I'm glad to hear that you do have someone involved who at least is trying to get to the root of the problems. The #2 assignment does sound a little frustrating for a parent. However, maybe your difficult child needs to know that if you don't notice, then he isn't doing much changing. Also, this probably lets therapist know a little more about the home situation. Let's say difficult child goes back to his next appointment and says I did XY & Z and no one noticed. That is a way in for therapist to ask exactly how did you go about it and when. So, if difficult child thinks he's making a lot of effort, but others around him don't see it, it could be an opportunity to find out why and what could help that situation. (It's just a thought- I don't really know therapist's plan, of course!)

My first reaction would have been like yours though- if anyone gets my difficult child to show some motivation and effort when he's "shutting down", I want to make sure he gets positive reinforcement to keep him going. I'm sending many wishes to you that you see something soon that you can brag on him for!! (Homework, showering without being asked/told, taking initiative to help in some way that no one ever asks him to, getting off the phone on time without being fussed at, I dunno??)

 

[sweetjj]

Thank you so much!! Your explanation of #2 really does help me feel better about it. I was so worried that I am just a crappy mom and not seeing something I should be. I never thought about it the other way around..He goes back on the 19th so we will see what happens between now & then. He was kinda grumpy last night and this morning. Seeing the mood swings just makes me so worried for him and everyone around him, mostly his sister who he has no prblem being mean and nasty & even physically harmful to her. He will kick her, hit her, throw something at her ect and she is 13 and a bit sassy so that doesnt help!