OK--so here we are

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovejud, Mar 8, 2008.

  1. lovejud

    lovejud MovingOn

    One week down of extended suspension. "A" seems to be taking it all well. He is completing his schoolwork without any major breakdowns. My mom had a rough time she said Mon and Tues while I was at work. I tried explaining to her that she had to take it slow with changing things, but she is bound and determined that all of a sudden she is going to make him mind right now--the first time she says something. Now this is a full 180 from here before of letting him do whatever. So I reminded here that it was bound to cause some issues. Wed and Fri I had kids all day--we managed well even with appointments both days. Thurs. husband had kids for the "WHOLE" day. A big feat for him even in best of times. He was behind on side job work and was trying to get that done as well as supervise. I give him kudos--because he balanced all well and said that he didn't have any major issues with "A" until--that night. husband had a contest--big hunter, turkey calling contest--he was entered in that night. We already knew that we would have some issues with me working right up until the time to be there and him not having anyone to watch kids until I got there. He wasn't able to practice like he wanted and then he was there with all his friends which equated to very little supervision for "A"--probably ignored except for when he needed to rein him in for something. Since "A" is not ours biologically--husband tends to introduce "C" as "his" daughter and basically leave "A" out unless the other person specifically asks or if "A" introduces himself. This is an evolving process and getting better, I think, as husband works on better relationship. So in effect, all this adds up to "A" acting out. I got there after husband had reached the end of his rope--but instead of doing anything productive he basically was letting other people there put up with "A". So I take over, thank goodness "A" was not at meltdown stage, just running around being very annoying and hyper--I managed to get him semi-calmed down. But I know husband had been very rough verbally with him because I called "A" on some small deal and he broke out in tears and kept walking away from everyone. That is not like him--get mad or frustrated, whine, yell, throw a fit, yes, but to cry as if his feelings are hurt--not very often. "A" was very excited from the get go because he was to participate in his age level and therefore be just like husband. We stayed out late--it worked out--no other major issues. Until next day, when husband (not so dear after hurtful comment) said to me that "A" is just pure evil and if I looked in his eyes and saw the looks that he gave husband and husband's great uncle the night before then I would know. Now this is after I informed him of routine pediatrician's diagnosis of ADHD and that she wants him to start medications. husband continues and says that medications won't help in long run--that "A" is so evil that medications will only suppress and when he gets older he will only refuse to take medications and then kill us all. I was so ******. It very well might be a concern of his, but he could be nicer about it when he talks to me. My oldest brother (adopted at age 6) who was never diagnosed or treated with anything did try stupid **** like that in his late teens. I think that I have way more personal experience than husband does. So I got upset, because husband has seemed so supportive lately and helpful and then he says hateful things like that. I didn't want to argue at the time, but wanted to tell him that maybe "A" gets that look of anger from him because when he gets aggravated with "A" which is quite often then he gives him the "go to **** you piece of ****" look. But anyways--

    The real reason I posted--as part of covering all the bases, I contacted pediatrician about "A"s school issues. His teacher and I filled out evaluations and based on them the pediatrician said "A" has ADHD (which I'm not disputing) and wrote script for Metadate. I told her of testing appointment next week at psychologist office and she said to start medication now so that it will be on board. I feel opposite that we want testing to be baseline of how "A" functions nonmedicated. Psychologist and tester agreed. She did say she would gladly refer to neuropscyh if referral was needed, but since there is now a new one on board at psychiatric group (yippee!, I don't have to go out of town afterall) then referral shouldn't be needed. Psychologist also stated that neuropsychologist testing shouldn't be a problem to get. I just have to push to have that appointment made. So I'm delaying starting medication until after completing testing and then we will go from there.

    On another note--baby #3 due anytime in next 2 weeks. I'm praying for good delivery (just like last time) and for "A" to not have major issues for my parents, who will be watching kids while I'm in hospital.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Does you hub accept this child as being his own child? I'm a little disturbed that he is adopting him, but doesn't call him his child. That's something a child can feel...He doesn't seem to be trying to understand him and has a dismal view of his future. Do you feel he'll be a good father to this troubled child?
  3. lovejud

    lovejud MovingOn

    "A" bio father was in the picture for about 2 of the 4 years that I've fostered him. While husband and "A" came into my life within weeks of each other, husband has always taken a position of uncle or friend. Initially, he had no desire to adopt, but as time passed has taken a different perspective. Now there are a lot of issues involved that can't be adequately explained, but rather seen. Up until Nov. 2007, "A" was supposed to go back to the custody of his bio father and because of that husband has never wanted to interfere with what little relationship that they had. And he still doesn't want to overstep his boundaries. "A" is actually more likely to correct someone than husband, that he is not his father. There relationship at this time is actually more of a step--than anything else.