Old timer could really use the power of the board

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Ephchap, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Because my difficult child is now 29, most here probably don't even know or remember me. My story with difficult child started so long ago, and after two residential stays, overcoming pot and then crack, a felony conviction while drugging at age 17, overcoming alcohol addiction, and two alcohol related driving stops (one at age 20 although under the legal alcohol limit, zero tolerance for being under age, and the second stop at age 22, and just over the legal limit), he has not had a license since age 22.

    He's the father of my 5 year old grandson, has worked at the same job for 6 years now, and has been completely sober (a member of AA and even runs the Saturday night meetings at the local Alano (AA) Club) for 3-1/2 years.

    All that background to say that he has a hearing tomorrow to appeal his license revocation. This will be his third time going back to court to ask for his license to be reinstated (with the blowing machine in the car and limited driving times to/from work and meetings). Hopefully the third time is the charm. He can now show that he's been an upstanding citizen (no trouble with police since age 22, 7 years ago), is working, and most importantly - is sober. He's done everything he can to show he's trying to move forward. The last time he couldn't prove a long enough period of sobriety; this time his 3-1/2 years is documented by his AA fellow members and signed slips. I really and truly feel it is time to let him move forward with his life (so husband and I can too, since we are driving him to/from work most of the time as there is no bus or transit system here). Last time, the judge also brought up his past substance abuse problems and said that being diagnosis'd bipolar means that he's more likely to turn to substances. Arghhh. Not sure if NAMI would agree that's legal, as making a blanket statement like that seems illegal and immoral to me, but I'm just a warrior mom who has seen my son turn things around and is trying to live a good, clean life.

    I know the power of this board, as I've been helped through some very dark times in the past with my son. I know I haven't been around much lately and so many of you don't know me, but would really and truly appreciate any good thoughts for my son tomorrow.

  2. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Deb, it sounds like he really has turned around -- you certainly have my good thoughts, and I look forward to reading good news from you tomorrow.

    Love, Esther
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Deb - it is simply wonderful to hear how well he's doing.

    I will keep fingers and toes crossed that the judge recognizes how far he's come and the fact that he's made a strong and consistent commitment to sobriety.

    Looking forward to a thumbs-up update tomorrow!!

  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Deb, I am so glad to hear how well he's doing.
    Keeping him and you in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope the judge recognizes his efforts, especially as his motivation is to continue and progress in his sober life.

    Many hugs,
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Deb - I am sending you all the positive vibes I can find! Thank YOU for sharing your son's story, it gives me hope.

    I hope the judge restores his driving privileges, your son has certainly earned them!
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know of anyone that deserves this break more than he does. Is his sponsor going with him? I was in court recently and this young man was asking for his license back and his sponsor was there and spoke on his behlaf very convincingly and the judge said that was a big reason why he was deciding to all him to get his license. I'm sure your son can speak very well for himself but it helps to have backup. It was a very moving experience to watch. When ours was over and we went into the lobby I went over to this young man and shook his hand and told him how proud I was of him and wished him luck.

    I'm sending that same energy to your son.
  7. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adding my good thoughts for a positive outcome!

  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Deb, doing all the dances and lighting all the candles and crossing everything.....it is time for your son to be rewarded for his success with this small token of normalcy that he will see as a huge mountain conquered! Please board....do your magic!!!! Times 10!
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    For some reason, Deb, I truly (not kidding, lol) had a dream about his upcoming court date. Have no reason why but I did "know" it was sometime this summer. Hoping that my dream comes true for his sake as well as you and husband. I'm sending my most caring, supportive thoughts and prayers. DDD
  10. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Thanks so much, ladies. I appreciate the good thoughts and comments more than you can know. Some of you know how loooooong this whole thing has gone on with my son and know how far he's come in turning his life around.

    Just got back from his meeting with his attorney today. They just reviewed all his documents and support letters for the hearing tomorrow.

    Unfortunately his sponsor can't make the hearing, but he did write a very nice support letter, as did the sponsor's sponsor. I will drive difficult child and sit outside in the hallway. If they want me to come in to speak, they will ask me. Otherwise, I will just sit out there in the hallway and wait (and hope I don't vomit from nerves, lol). husband and I wrote a letter of support that is being submitted with his documents, so no idea if they will want to talk with me or not. We basically said how proud we are of him in turning his life around, what a committed father he is, and that we feel he's earned a second chance with the system. It's time.

    He will not be given an answer tomorrow. It will be mailed in 2-6 weeks. Nothing like prolonging the stress and agony. Arghhh ... stomach will be flip flopping till we know.

    Again, thank you one and all. Will update after tomorrow, as I would think he'll at least have an idea how he thinks it went.

  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I've been waiting for an update. I'll be thinking of you and difficult child tomorrow. I have a good feeling.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You know I am pretzeling and bean-dancing!
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Yikes..........we have to WAIT????????? What a system your State has! I guess on a positive note, Deb, it means we have more time to pray! Eager to hear how he thinks it went. Love, DDD
  14. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending positive thoughts your way. I am so happy to hear how well he is doing. He deserves to be able to move on with his life & not be punished anymore for his past.
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Deb I'm thinking of you and difficult child and hoping it's going well.
  16. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    Love his success story - he has earned the right to be allowed to become a fully functioning member I society and I hope he gets it - he gives me hope
  17. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Adding my thoughts and prayers, Deb. It is wonderful that your son has been able to turn things around. You have been right there for him every step of the way.

    It feels like the good guys won one, this time!

    I will be watching to learn what happens, too.

    It's fun to be in on something so good.


  18. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Well, we're back home. They didn't call me in, so I can only go by what difficult child and his attorney said. They thought it went well, but who knows. They don't give you the answer, but make you stress some more by waiting for the determination in the mail. Arghhhh.

    difficult child said they only asked three or four questions. He asked how long difficult child plans to attend AA and he answered for the rest of his life. He asked what he does at the auto plant, and difficult child said he just got a bid job which starts next week, and those jobs are only given to employees that have clean work records, that get to work on time and don't take time off.

    His attorney said she thought all the documentation they had should be compelling enough to warrant giving him a license, but who knows. He had support letters from husband and I, one from his sponsor, one from his sponsor's sponsor, one from his girlfriend's parents (and the stepdad has been sober for 18 years and wrote a very good letter), a form filled out by his psychiatrist which said he comes in once a month, is medication compliant, stable and she feels is a good candidate to be given another chance.

    So now we wait. Arghhh. My stomach has been in knots all day.

    Thanks so much for your support!
  19. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Deb - really hope he gets his liscense back and a thank you for sharing.... it is good to see some success and it gives me hope.

  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed. Selfishly I'm hoping he gets his own wheels soon and you guys can head to Florida for a gettogether.
    :) DDD