Older brother is.....

[mog]

such a jacka** no matter how old I get!!! I am sooo angry right now!!
My brother moved back to our state about 9 years ago-- when my mother asked why he decided to move back he told her that it was so that he could put her in an "old folks" home. Needless to say--- my mom was upset and and told me that it was up to me to defend them and NOT let him do that. My folk's are not that old--my dad will be 69 this coming month and my mom will be 67. Well after being here a while he has decided to move on since my parents are not willing to "give it all up" just because he says so. His kids are all grown and gone now except one that will graduate in 2011. "They" (my sister in law)decided that she was not going to make him move and change schools during his senior year (not that it stopped them from doing it when their oldest child was a senior BUT....
He decided to take an out of state job and the plan was--is for his wife to move with him once their youngest graduated. My sister in law is NOT a big fan of this plan however she went to go visit with him this weekend and I am "watching" their youngest who is now 17. He is a good kid and I have NO problems with that.
When his wife left she text us that she was leaving and when she was safely at "home" with my brother. GREAT!!
Tonight I text my nephew if his mom was coming home tonight and he said that he had no idea when she was coming home.(That is pretty typical with their family-- they never know what the right hand is doing.) Sooo I text my sister in law to ask IF she was coming in tonight to tomorrow---I was 1st concerned for her safe trip because the wind here is really bad and 2nd wanting to know how long I should be checking on my nephew (FYI--they had me watch the older "kids" before and I broke up an underage party and he was mad at ME after he was the one that told them they could stay there alone and I would just "check" on them.) I Love his family to death. I have a great relationship with his wife, daughter and youngest son. After my nephew said he did not know I TEXT my sister in law and my brother sent me a hateful message "thanking" me for "messing up" his last night with his wife and signs off with oh yeah i am fine thanks for asking.
I have tried MORE than several times to contact him since he has been gone. I text him, instant messaged when he is on line, left a message on his cell phone, posted messages on face book and IM'd him online with facebook and I have had no response. Tonight ---he accused me of Fu**ing up his time with his wife and I told him i was only checking on her due date back for her safety and he said I only wanted my sister in law back in town to fix my computer problems and then hung up and I called him back and said that I was just checking on her and he called me a liar and hung up again.

UGH!! I had made a comment to my daughter online several days ago that my monitor was going out. I told my sister in law that the screen gets white and it "jumps" around and asked her for her opinion if it was just the monitor or if the whole computer was getting ready to crash. I NEVER asked her for help to fix it or even look at it . The entire conversation took a lot less time than it took ME to write this now.
I honestly was just checking in on her to see if she was coming in tonight because she is on a small plane and the wind is really bad!!
Now I am sitting here writing this crying and waiting to see if my daughter gets home safe too.
oh she just text me --she is fine--i will go to bed now and just hope and pray that my sister in law gets home safe sometime since my brother is such a jerk and won't tell us when she is coming or anything.
Then he wonders why his own kids won't tell him when they come and go. JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Marguerite]

You made the mistake of getting defensive with this idiot. It's your sister in law your relationship is with, and the kids. Not him. So ignore his hatefulness but when sister in law comes back, let her know that even though you love her and the kids, you won't be put through this again. Not unless your brother apologises when all you were doing was what you were asked to do, nothing more. You put yourself out for them and you get repeatedly kicked for your troubles.

Just where did this creep get the idea that the world revolves around him? And where did everybody get the idea tat you will always be available to fix things? For example, your parents appealing to you to not let your brother put them in a retirement home - why can't they fight their own battles? Why ask you? Sure, let you know, but to ask you to stop him? For heaven's sake, I wonder if this guy has had a lifetime of people in his life NOT standing up to him. Even when you rang back to explain - you were not standing up to him. You should have not rung back. Son wants to know when Mom will be back - so get son to ring his parents. You can stand there beside him while he does, to make sure you know the answer too, but it's time to make people take charge of their own responsibilities.

It is OK to help people and it can be done, without taking over their responsibilities too. But it takes practice.

Marg

 

[mog]

OMG-- I can not believe that he actually apologized My brother hates to text but this after noon I got a text from him apologizing for what he said the other night. .

 

[Marguerite]

Good. So he should have, that was uncalled for. But unfortunately, fairly typical for a bloke who thinks with his gonads. Your call to sister in law clearly interrupted his 'fun and games' and his focus was on his own needs and not on the possibility that you were contacting them about something important.

It's the thought at the back of the mind of the self-obsessed person, that your interruption has been made in the full knowledge of what you are interrupting, as if you had some sort of magic camera into their living room...

Totally, utterly, egocentric.

Right now I'm cranky at a 'friend' who had roped me in to a stage production of hers and now seems to be sabotaging it, making a total mess of it and undermining all the work everyone has put in. I just ran one of those online personality tests on her this afternoon (being careful to answer as generously and honestly as I could) and she scored almost off the scale for histrionic personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder. I've just been reading the various criteria and she's a classic Cluster B. An interesting facet of this - every time we meet for a production meeting or even a reading, she wants to have it in a restaurant or cafe, but never has the money to pay her own way. Each time I've watched and seen her manipulate someone else into paying. And she won't talk specifics with the business, she either has someone else delegated to do that, or she will postpone business and say, "let's just enjoy lunch." She needs people to see her as a celebrity, someone who people want to be around to such an extent that they will pay her for the privilege. I think I need to post separately about this, if I can draft something that she won't accidentally find. She is the sort of person who is likely to search the internet for signs that people are talking about her...

Marg