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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 228284" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I don't know if it is the language barrier or you really don't understand, but calling a boarding school the "imprisonment we did avoid" is really offensive and recommended mediation a "doping issue" is not the best way to put it, either. My daughter went to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for some very good reasons -- she was lying, stealing, cutting school, being violent, staying out all night. I do believe her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) helped her. It was not locking her up, it was the only way to save her from herself. She needed to discover she was valued by me and by the community. She needed to know that she had to abide by the rules of society no matter how much she resented those rules (then she could pick and choose which rules to break but first she had to learn how to follow them). She needed to learn how to make friends. As much I had tried, she was not learning these things at home. For her, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was literally a lifesaver, as it is for many of the kids that have gone.</p><p> </p><p>As to medication, I agree that taking heart medication to help with exams is extreme and not something I would willingly do. My daughter did not do well on medication, so it was not an option for her. Many kids here can't function without using medication.</p><p> </p><p>You daughter certainly did not belong in a boarding school given the facts you stated. That your country is so quick to recommend one is a sad statement on the Danish attitude -- a child steps out of the norm and let's lock them away. So, I can see your attitude. However, in America boarding schools, especially those of a therapeutic nature, are usually the last line of defense, not the first. Most American parents who send their kids have done everything in their power to help their children at home. Most of us research very carefully where to send our kids. There is no way my daughter would have gone to one of those out of country or even in Utah -- I did not send her as a punitive measure. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she went was highly regarded. I flew there 8 times before I agreed this was the spot for her. I talked to parents whose children were there, to parents who had removed their children (usually for financial reasons), to the children themselves both there and gone. Yes, her school was in a remote area to prevent kids running away but it was not an imprisonment.</p><p> </p><p>I would most respectfully suggest you keep your threads to problems in your home. Not your opinions about RTCs or medicating. When responding, think about whether you are truly trying to help or just being negative about ODD, RTCs, etc. You've hurt many of us with your comments. You've had several of us furious with your comments. Even so, most of us have tried to respect you and even to factor in the cultural and language differences. So, please try to respect us and keep your opinions about RTCs and medications to yourself. They don't help any of us and cause a lot of unnecessary pain. Have no fear, we're pretty quick to tell parents when an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is needed and when it is not. We have several parents very knowledgeable about medications and they're quick to jump in when they feel the wrong medications are being given or even if a child is just being medicated for the parents' convenience.</p><p> </p><p>Do give us support, advice when you know of something that has been successful in Europe whether medications, therapy or what have you. Do start a thread when you are having problems or just want comfort. We will be there for you.</p><p> </p><p>You have gone through a very trying time with your wife and I'm sorry. I'm glad she's doing better. I don't blame your daughter for wanting to be with her mother when she was ill. I don't blame her becoming depressed and acting out when the one illness was helped and another one started. Kids do sense and feel and the suggestion that she be sent to any type of boarding school because of her behavior is just ridiculous in my opinion. Your daughter needed help at home, comfort and love, not being sent away where she would just worry about her mother even more.</p><p> </p><p>As to being sent to a continuation school, I don't quite understand why she was sent there. Here, that is considered a pretty drastic measure and you would have to cut a LOT of school with many warnings and consequences before a continuation school was considered. They are pretty much for kids on the edge of dropping out of high school, many of whom are criminals. Most of us would fight tooth and nail not to let our kids go to a continuation school -- an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be preferable to that alternative.</p><p> </p><p>I hope your daughter finds her path. She really does sound like a pretty good kid who has had to deal with some major problems at home. When you add being an outsider in school and anxiety issues in general into the mix, I'd say you were lucky she hasn't acted out more and much more strongly.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 228284, member: 3626"] I don't know if it is the language barrier or you really don't understand, but calling a boarding school the "imprisonment we did avoid" is really offensive and recommended mediation a "doping issue" is not the best way to put it, either. My daughter went to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for some very good reasons -- she was lying, stealing, cutting school, being violent, staying out all night. I do believe her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) helped her. It was not locking her up, it was the only way to save her from herself. She needed to discover she was valued by me and by the community. She needed to know that she had to abide by the rules of society no matter how much she resented those rules (then she could pick and choose which rules to break but first she had to learn how to follow them). She needed to learn how to make friends. As much I had tried, she was not learning these things at home. For her, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was literally a lifesaver, as it is for many of the kids that have gone. As to medication, I agree that taking heart medication to help with exams is extreme and not something I would willingly do. My daughter did not do well on medication, so it was not an option for her. Many kids here can't function without using medication. You daughter certainly did not belong in a boarding school given the facts you stated. That your country is so quick to recommend one is a sad statement on the Danish attitude -- a child steps out of the norm and let's lock them away. So, I can see your attitude. However, in America boarding schools, especially those of a therapeutic nature, are usually the last line of defense, not the first. Most American parents who send their kids have done everything in their power to help their children at home. Most of us research very carefully where to send our kids. There is no way my daughter would have gone to one of those out of country or even in Utah -- I did not send her as a punitive measure. The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she went was highly regarded. I flew there 8 times before I agreed this was the spot for her. I talked to parents whose children were there, to parents who had removed their children (usually for financial reasons), to the children themselves both there and gone. Yes, her school was in a remote area to prevent kids running away but it was not an imprisonment. I would most respectfully suggest you keep your threads to problems in your home. Not your opinions about RTCs or medicating. When responding, think about whether you are truly trying to help or just being negative about ODD, RTCs, etc. You've hurt many of us with your comments. You've had several of us furious with your comments. Even so, most of us have tried to respect you and even to factor in the cultural and language differences. So, please try to respect us and keep your opinions about RTCs and medications to yourself. They don't help any of us and cause a lot of unnecessary pain. Have no fear, we're pretty quick to tell parents when an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is needed and when it is not. We have several parents very knowledgeable about medications and they're quick to jump in when they feel the wrong medications are being given or even if a child is just being medicated for the parents' convenience. Do give us support, advice when you know of something that has been successful in Europe whether medications, therapy or what have you. Do start a thread when you are having problems or just want comfort. We will be there for you. You have gone through a very trying time with your wife and I'm sorry. I'm glad she's doing better. I don't blame your daughter for wanting to be with her mother when she was ill. I don't blame her becoming depressed and acting out when the one illness was helped and another one started. Kids do sense and feel and the suggestion that she be sent to any type of boarding school because of her behavior is just ridiculous in my opinion. Your daughter needed help at home, comfort and love, not being sent away where she would just worry about her mother even more. As to being sent to a continuation school, I don't quite understand why she was sent there. Here, that is considered a pretty drastic measure and you would have to cut a LOT of school with many warnings and consequences before a continuation school was considered. They are pretty much for kids on the edge of dropping out of high school, many of whom are criminals. Most of us would fight tooth and nail not to let our kids go to a continuation school -- an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would be preferable to that alternative. I hope your daughter finds her path. She really does sound like a pretty good kid who has had to deal with some major problems at home. When you add being an outsider in school and anxiety issues in general into the mix, I'd say you were lucky she hasn't acted out more and much more strongly. [/QUOTE]
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