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oldie returns
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 62696" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Boy, does this sound familiar. Between 11-14 was the worst. If it helps, it does get somewhat better. Not great but definitely better.</p><p></p><p>I did learn to not give any consequence when she was in the arguing mode. The consequences would become ridiculous because there was no way on earth she was going to stop the argument. The reality is she couldn't stop if she wanted to. It just wasn't and isn't in her, still isn't. Once she felt she was right nothing else mattered -- the rules, any threats or consequences I made, etc. Since she was incapable of changing on this one, I had to change. </p><p></p><p>What finally has worked is we discuss what are reasonable consequences for certain behaviors. For example, we have both agreed that she needs to get up at 10:00 am on weekdays whether she is working or not. If she doesn't, she loses computer privileges for one day for each hour she gets up after 10 since it is the computer that gets her to stay up so late. </p><p></p><p>If she does something that really should be consequenced but hasn't been discussed, I wait until we have both cooled down and then discuss it with her. I will tell her what I feel is a fair consequence for the behavior. If she disagrees, she has 5 minutes to convince me otherwise (with a timer going). If she argue over the 5 minutes because I'm truly not convinced, her added consequence is no use of car for 24 hours. If she stops at 5 minutes, we each have a rebuttal of 3 minutes. If we are then at an impasse, my consequence stands since it is still my house. Oddly, this has worked well for us for the past 4 years. It has saved us from some tremendous battles.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 62696, member: 3626"] Boy, does this sound familiar. Between 11-14 was the worst. If it helps, it does get somewhat better. Not great but definitely better. I did learn to not give any consequence when she was in the arguing mode. The consequences would become ridiculous because there was no way on earth she was going to stop the argument. The reality is she couldn't stop if she wanted to. It just wasn't and isn't in her, still isn't. Once she felt she was right nothing else mattered -- the rules, any threats or consequences I made, etc. Since she was incapable of changing on this one, I had to change. What finally has worked is we discuss what are reasonable consequences for certain behaviors. For example, we have both agreed that she needs to get up at 10:00 am on weekdays whether she is working or not. If she doesn't, she loses computer privileges for one day for each hour she gets up after 10 since it is the computer that gets her to stay up so late. If she does something that really should be consequenced but hasn't been discussed, I wait until we have both cooled down and then discuss it with her. I will tell her what I feel is a fair consequence for the behavior. If she disagrees, she has 5 minutes to convince me otherwise (with a timer going). If she argue over the 5 minutes because I'm truly not convinced, her added consequence is no use of car for 24 hours. If she stops at 5 minutes, we each have a rebuttal of 3 minutes. If we are then at an impasse, my consequence stands since it is still my house. Oddly, this has worked well for us for the past 4 years. It has saved us from some tremendous battles. [/QUOTE]
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