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<blockquote data-quote="CookieMomster" data-source="post: 62750" data-attributes="member: 3936"><p>thank you. I feel better already...for having a place for ME.</p><p>let me go back and fill in blanks.</p><p>I know not to engage my daughter..I have told the school tht for years but they are idiots and do it there. I attempt to disengage her. I walk away...i speak in a monotone voice and guide her away for her safety...</p><p>some background:</p><p>after her birth she would not allow me to rock her..she preferred to be put in bed and would sleep thru the night even though she was a breast fed baby and most get fed every couple hours. She seemed to prefer to be "alone". Same as she grew...outside in dirt pile playing often we forgot we had her as she would not be around us much. She was molested at 18 months old by a daycare workers son....it was filed but not prosecuted due to the prosecutor saying she was too young although she could articulate this well by the time it all came out at 3 years old. Her father and I divorced soon thereafter and since he could not gain my sons "side" as he was old enough to see the truth about his father himself...the daddy chose to start this alienation of our daughter. My earliest memory of a rage was ... I put pink barretts in her hair to match this pink outfit and she wanted green. Now it isnt that I cared...I would allow her to change them...but that isnt what she wanted...it was like someone else on this site said...she wanted me to make the fact i ever picked the pink ones disappear... as time wore on...it got progressively worse...but normally not more than twice a year. When the periods came we noticed she was a sweet child ...then suddenly a few months ago we started seeing this MONSTER a week before period normally with some sort term rage.. and like i said..now we have had 3 major rages in last 3 weeks and it is not period time. We could have had a lot more than 3 but I was able to dodge them. </p><p>The story about her friend coming over? well her friends parents are DRUNKS..they dont do a thing for this child and I do feel sorry for her, but she is not responsibility and I have told my daughter so. When the call came in...my first thing was to remind my daughter no calls..and then get off the phone. This friend called back like 3 times with different ideas on how she could come to my house and my daughter was taking her side (since she is mistreated at her home) and wanting to make me fix things for her. The next day I sucessfully shipped my daughter off to her fathers for a break...and when i get her back she informs me that dad has told her how I was the one that broke up our marriage...how i cheated on him (lol, wrong).he confessed that he cheated on me early in marriage....etc. I dont allow this convo in my house except to tell my daughter that I never cheated. My son hears all this and goes postal...he is so angry...cause he was old enough and here my daughter is believing the things her dad said.. my son is my defender (and i dont like it)...so then my daughter and son are in turmoil (due to the sperm donors crap)...but basically what the idiot daddy did was give her fuel for the next round. Again the phone...I have all phones locked in my room...but daughter hears it ring and goes to get it and proceeds to hae a convo with her "boyfriend". she is grounded from the phone so I tell her to get off ..she holds the phone and tells me how she knows she is grounded but her boyfriend needs her address to send her an invitation to his party... I had already given it to him, but he miswrote the zipcode so this was my fault and therefore she could be on the phone. I reminded her of her lack of privledges...and all of a sudden again I was a B ...the FY stuff flew out of her mouth.... the i am going to live with daddy (which only hurts me cause I know he doesnt want her and he wont tell her that)...she is stuck with me.. I do not take the insults personally...I have way thicker skin than that. I too was a bit of a B to my mom...but my mom controlled it with the old "knock em to the floor and kick em" routine so I didnt rage much. </p><p>After all this crap..I thought hard. I took away all her chores..and all her privledges. She can earn privledges back after she learns the basics: yes mam, no mam, avoiding the things she is not allowed to do, being respectful to me, doing her daily routine without me having to tell her more than once. Her bedroom door was removed to avoid her being up all night on the phone, watching tv etc.....Actually she is more of a princess around here now with no chores...but I chose this way. I cant tell you if it works as it has only been a few days. I know she wants her radio and will push that till I give her the count. If i hit three her day is OVER....I revisited all the books i read years ago..the one, two three thing..the defiant child..etc. I am going to try to get her in for "help" and figure out how to pay for it. I do not qualify for medicaid on her due to her father having insurance- which pays 1/2. I have to pay my part up front...and wait for him to reimburse which takes a LONG TIME. </p><p>this exhausts me to write all this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CookieMomster, post: 62750, member: 3936"] thank you. I feel better already...for having a place for ME. let me go back and fill in blanks. I know not to engage my daughter..I have told the school tht for years but they are idiots and do it there. I attempt to disengage her. I walk away...i speak in a monotone voice and guide her away for her safety... some background: after her birth she would not allow me to rock her..she preferred to be put in bed and would sleep thru the night even though she was a breast fed baby and most get fed every couple hours. She seemed to prefer to be "alone". Same as she grew...outside in dirt pile playing often we forgot we had her as she would not be around us much. She was molested at 18 months old by a daycare workers son....it was filed but not prosecuted due to the prosecutor saying she was too young although she could articulate this well by the time it all came out at 3 years old. Her father and I divorced soon thereafter and since he could not gain my sons "side" as he was old enough to see the truth about his father himself...the daddy chose to start this alienation of our daughter. My earliest memory of a rage was ... I put pink barretts in her hair to match this pink outfit and she wanted green. Now it isnt that I cared...I would allow her to change them...but that isnt what she wanted...it was like someone else on this site said...she wanted me to make the fact i ever picked the pink ones disappear... as time wore on...it got progressively worse...but normally not more than twice a year. When the periods came we noticed she was a sweet child ...then suddenly a few months ago we started seeing this MONSTER a week before period normally with some sort term rage.. and like i said..now we have had 3 major rages in last 3 weeks and it is not period time. We could have had a lot more than 3 but I was able to dodge them. The story about her friend coming over? well her friends parents are DRUNKS..they dont do a thing for this child and I do feel sorry for her, but she is not responsibility and I have told my daughter so. When the call came in...my first thing was to remind my daughter no calls..and then get off the phone. This friend called back like 3 times with different ideas on how she could come to my house and my daughter was taking her side (since she is mistreated at her home) and wanting to make me fix things for her. The next day I sucessfully shipped my daughter off to her fathers for a break...and when i get her back she informs me that dad has told her how I was the one that broke up our marriage...how i cheated on him (lol, wrong).he confessed that he cheated on me early in marriage....etc. I dont allow this convo in my house except to tell my daughter that I never cheated. My son hears all this and goes postal...he is so angry...cause he was old enough and here my daughter is believing the things her dad said.. my son is my defender (and i dont like it)...so then my daughter and son are in turmoil (due to the sperm donors crap)...but basically what the idiot daddy did was give her fuel for the next round. Again the phone...I have all phones locked in my room...but daughter hears it ring and goes to get it and proceeds to hae a convo with her "boyfriend". she is grounded from the phone so I tell her to get off ..she holds the phone and tells me how she knows she is grounded but her boyfriend needs her address to send her an invitation to his party... I had already given it to him, but he miswrote the zipcode so this was my fault and therefore she could be on the phone. I reminded her of her lack of privledges...and all of a sudden again I was a B ...the FY stuff flew out of her mouth.... the i am going to live with daddy (which only hurts me cause I know he doesnt want her and he wont tell her that)...she is stuck with me.. I do not take the insults personally...I have way thicker skin than that. I too was a bit of a B to my mom...but my mom controlled it with the old "knock em to the floor and kick em" routine so I didnt rage much. After all this crap..I thought hard. I took away all her chores..and all her privledges. She can earn privledges back after she learns the basics: yes mam, no mam, avoiding the things she is not allowed to do, being respectful to me, doing her daily routine without me having to tell her more than once. Her bedroom door was removed to avoid her being up all night on the phone, watching tv etc.....Actually she is more of a princess around here now with no chores...but I chose this way. I cant tell you if it works as it has only been a few days. I know she wants her radio and will push that till I give her the count. If i hit three her day is OVER....I revisited all the books i read years ago..the one, two three thing..the defiant child..etc. I am going to try to get her in for "help" and figure out how to pay for it. I do not qualify for medicaid on her due to her father having insurance- which pays 1/2. I have to pay my part up front...and wait for him to reimburse which takes a LONG TIME. this exhausts me to write all this. [/QUOTE]
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