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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 66748" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>You definitely received a lot of great advice. I am in particular agreement with what busywend wrote in her first post. Taking away everything at once always backfired - losing one thing at a time seemed to be a better way of handling difficult child and we often see better results. Also, we learned to 'read' her better. Both H and I have this strange 6th difficult child sense - we can tell when she's about to blow or spiral downward. </p><p></p><p>My daughter sounds VERY much like yours, although mine is now 17. So much of it is Typical Teen stuff and then there is the rest that is not and that's when it gets difficult to parent effecively and fairly. I gave up on fair. I try to parent with "peace of mind" for us rather than what seems fair to difficult child. No matter how or what we decide, she will find a way to make it seem that we are being unfair. My difficult child was semi-diagnosed with BiPolar (BP) about 2 years ago after 6-7 years of struggling with rage attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), & ADD behaviors, and then various medications. And just this past week, a new DR said she's NOT BiPolar (BP) - that she is suffering from PTSD from unaddressed past emotional trauma. She's had plenty of opportunity to address her past trauma, but she refused to talk about it so it's to her own detriment that she bottles it up and acts out in appropriately, etc.</p><p></p><p>I also wanted to comment on the thing about her saying she is going to go live with her dad. difficult child started saying this to me at around 14. I saw red and turned on her like a viper. I will never forget it, we were driving home from an outing and she asked to sleep at her friends house on a school night and I said no so she flipped on me and started just carrying on unreasonably. I pulled over and turned to her and said, very seriously and slowly: "Listen to me; You CANNOT go live with your father. You are MINE until you're 18 or graduate from HS - no exceptions. YOU are MY JOB and I take my job VERY seriously. So just get that idea out of your head right now and stop crying." She brought it up twice after that and I just looked at her and asked, "Do you remember that we already discussed this? Drop it". Once in a while she will say, "When I turn 18 I'm moving to dad's" to which I always just smile and say, "When you're 18, you can do whatever you like". Well, she will be 18 in 2 months and her tune has changed. She no longer wants to go live with her dad. I sometimes wish she would...See how everything changes? lol</p><p></p><p>Do not take anything she says personal or as fact. She will always twist her world around to what suits her at any given moment and it really has nothing at all to do with you or your decisions. Take good care of you. And stand firm with your son that he does not have to be your defender. </p><p></p><p>Sending many gentle hugs - take care of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 66748, member: 2211"] You definitely received a lot of great advice. I am in particular agreement with what busywend wrote in her first post. Taking away everything at once always backfired - losing one thing at a time seemed to be a better way of handling difficult child and we often see better results. Also, we learned to 'read' her better. Both H and I have this strange 6th difficult child sense - we can tell when she's about to blow or spiral downward. My daughter sounds VERY much like yours, although mine is now 17. So much of it is Typical Teen stuff and then there is the rest that is not and that's when it gets difficult to parent effecively and fairly. I gave up on fair. I try to parent with "peace of mind" for us rather than what seems fair to difficult child. No matter how or what we decide, she will find a way to make it seem that we are being unfair. My difficult child was semi-diagnosed with BiPolar (BP) about 2 years ago after 6-7 years of struggling with rage attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), & ADD behaviors, and then various medications. And just this past week, a new DR said she's NOT BiPolar (BP) - that she is suffering from PTSD from unaddressed past emotional trauma. She's had plenty of opportunity to address her past trauma, but she refused to talk about it so it's to her own detriment that she bottles it up and acts out in appropriately, etc. I also wanted to comment on the thing about her saying she is going to go live with her dad. difficult child started saying this to me at around 14. I saw red and turned on her like a viper. I will never forget it, we were driving home from an outing and she asked to sleep at her friends house on a school night and I said no so she flipped on me and started just carrying on unreasonably. I pulled over and turned to her and said, very seriously and slowly: "Listen to me; You CANNOT go live with your father. You are MINE until you're 18 or graduate from HS - no exceptions. YOU are MY JOB and I take my job VERY seriously. So just get that idea out of your head right now and stop crying." She brought it up twice after that and I just looked at her and asked, "Do you remember that we already discussed this? Drop it". Once in a while she will say, "When I turn 18 I'm moving to dad's" to which I always just smile and say, "When you're 18, you can do whatever you like". Well, she will be 18 in 2 months and her tune has changed. She no longer wants to go live with her dad. I sometimes wish she would...See how everything changes? lol Do not take anything she says personal or as fact. She will always twist her world around to what suits her at any given moment and it really has nothing at all to do with you or your decisions. Take good care of you. And stand firm with your son that he does not have to be your defender. Sending many gentle hugs - take care of you. [/QUOTE]
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