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OMG! Article on Parent Abuse by teen/adult children
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 609850" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have long thought that most psychiatrists/tdocs refused to recognize abuse of parents by their kids until long after it was way too late. I don't think I would trust a therapist to necessarily know if it is safe to resume contact. I would need to really know the therapist and why they think it is safe. I know at least a baker's dozen therapists who would say that I am crazy for saying gfgbro is abusive. I know ONE psychiatrist who 'gets' him, and tries to help him, but he won't really admit he needs it. Too many adult children who abuse parents are astoundingly awesome manipulators.</p><p></p><p>It is nice to see that finally some articles are recognizing the problem though. For a very long time it was nearly impossible to find help if you were abused by your child. Our local DV center was great with me but they had to start pretty much from scratch to help me deal with the entire Wiz situation. I was the first client who admitted to being beaten and abused by her child and did not also have an abusive spouse. Usually they saw mothers abused by sons who were both abused by spouses or SOs. A child who was not abused but abused his mom? They didn't really know what to do. But they were open about that and were willing to TRY and it meant the world to me. Now they see more of it, and when they go to conferences or meet people working at other DV centers, they see that I wasn't so unusual except for my willingness to admit the problem. I know they have a few people each year with my problem. I hope and pray that someday this is problem we discuss as openly as we discuss addiction or child abuse.</p><p></p><p>One BIG component of the help is dealing with the shame. I raised a child with so little respect for me as his mother that he abused me. It si taboo to discuss it because the majority of people just 'know' that I abused him in some way to make him treat me so horribly. It is hard to cope wtih, esp when you KNOW that you did every single thing you could to raise a happy, healthy contributing member of society. I have very few close friends outside this board because most of the close friends I had chose to firmly believe that I abused Wiz in some way. they didn't want me around their kids because I was such a horrible person. This was in spite of the hours we spent together, the way they saw me treat my children and theirs, and all things we did to build a very close friendship. I am just not that interested in becoming very close to people after having over a dozen people who KNEW me for years and years turn on me this way. A few have made overtures to rekindle the friendship, but most of them flat out said horrible things about me as a parent and person. it is easy to forgive them because they were so ignorant on the subject, but forgetting and rekindling relationship after being devastated that way is not a realistic expectation, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>I am so thankful this is being discussed, even an article here and there. maybe others won't be so ostracized and judged the way I was if they take action to stop the abuse.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 609850, member: 1233"] I have long thought that most psychiatrists/tdocs refused to recognize abuse of parents by their kids until long after it was way too late. I don't think I would trust a therapist to necessarily know if it is safe to resume contact. I would need to really know the therapist and why they think it is safe. I know at least a baker's dozen therapists who would say that I am crazy for saying gfgbro is abusive. I know ONE psychiatrist who 'gets' him, and tries to help him, but he won't really admit he needs it. Too many adult children who abuse parents are astoundingly awesome manipulators. It is nice to see that finally some articles are recognizing the problem though. For a very long time it was nearly impossible to find help if you were abused by your child. Our local DV center was great with me but they had to start pretty much from scratch to help me deal with the entire Wiz situation. I was the first client who admitted to being beaten and abused by her child and did not also have an abusive spouse. Usually they saw mothers abused by sons who were both abused by spouses or SOs. A child who was not abused but abused his mom? They didn't really know what to do. But they were open about that and were willing to TRY and it meant the world to me. Now they see more of it, and when they go to conferences or meet people working at other DV centers, they see that I wasn't so unusual except for my willingness to admit the problem. I know they have a few people each year with my problem. I hope and pray that someday this is problem we discuss as openly as we discuss addiction or child abuse. One BIG component of the help is dealing with the shame. I raised a child with so little respect for me as his mother that he abused me. It si taboo to discuss it because the majority of people just 'know' that I abused him in some way to make him treat me so horribly. It is hard to cope wtih, esp when you KNOW that you did every single thing you could to raise a happy, healthy contributing member of society. I have very few close friends outside this board because most of the close friends I had chose to firmly believe that I abused Wiz in some way. they didn't want me around their kids because I was such a horrible person. This was in spite of the hours we spent together, the way they saw me treat my children and theirs, and all things we did to build a very close friendship. I am just not that interested in becoming very close to people after having over a dozen people who KNEW me for years and years turn on me this way. A few have made overtures to rekindle the friendship, but most of them flat out said horrible things about me as a parent and person. it is easy to forgive them because they were so ignorant on the subject, but forgetting and rekindling relationship after being devastated that way is not a realistic expectation, in my opinion. I am so thankful this is being discussed, even an article here and there. maybe others won't be so ostracized and judged the way I was if they take action to stop the abuse. [/QUOTE]
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OMG! Article on Parent Abuse by teen/adult children
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