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OMG. Dropped in My Lap LONG!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658277" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We cannot change the past for one another Going, but witnessing and validation and a kind of open-hearted acceptance <em>today</em> can make such a difference. You know you aren't trained to help your sister work through this and have admitted as much. But what you are forgetting is that no therapist in the world could possibly function with as much compassion and strength as a sister, strong and present and affirming, as you can.</p><p></p><p>And you've done that.</p><p></p><p>Look how you've brought Thomas back. It's the same thing, really. We all want to heal, to be whole ~ we need opportunity and right witness and time.</p><p></p><p>And a good, healthy diet and a therapist, of course.</p><p></p><p>Maybe, just like it gets to be with us for our kids sometimes, you could remind yourself and your sister that while you don't know how to approach or help her with xyz, you know she is strong enough to do this and you are proud she is reclaiming her life. You can love her where she is for sure. She must trust and deeply respect you, to have shared her truth with you at this level.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you were there, and that you were able to hear her.</p><p></p><p>It's okay to say "I don't know." It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay sometimes just to be sisters, just to relish one another's company and time spent together. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry those bad things, or any bad things, happened to you or to your sister, Going. I am very, very sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine what those who abuse children are thinking. They terrorize us for all the years of our lives. I just get so angry about it, about how stupidly wrong it is.</p><p></p><p>I have been taking a determined look at my own past to be stronger myself. I can absolutely tell you it is worth it to learn to see ourselves through our own eyes instead of through the eyes of somebody who was a stupid, self-involved enough person to abuse a child ~ a child! ~ in any way. You can imagine the lies and justifications and rationalizations that made it somehow alright, in their weird little brains and moral systems, to do what they did ~ and to keep doing it. <em>Their sick ways of looking at us to justify what they were doing is what they left in our heads, Going.</em></p><p></p><p>Very good idea, to get them out of our heads. The should never have been anywhere near us in the first place. </p><p></p><p>Out they go.</p><p></p><p>Yuck.</p><p></p><p>Maybe now is the time for your family to come clean and to heal and I hope this is true for you all. It sounds like you did a great job of holding strong for your sister without telling her <em>or expecting yourself</em> to be able to fix this. I am sorry holding strong for her brought scary things up for you <em>but it is time to get these people out of our heads.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Good job and good for you, Going.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658277, member: 17461"] We cannot change the past for one another Going, but witnessing and validation and a kind of open-hearted acceptance [I]today[/I] can make such a difference. You know you aren't trained to help your sister work through this and have admitted as much. But what you are forgetting is that no therapist in the world could possibly function with as much compassion and strength as a sister, strong and present and affirming, as you can. And you've done that. Look how you've brought Thomas back. It's the same thing, really. We all want to heal, to be whole ~ we need opportunity and right witness and time. And a good, healthy diet and a therapist, of course. Maybe, just like it gets to be with us for our kids sometimes, you could remind yourself and your sister that while you don't know how to approach or help her with xyz, you know she is strong enough to do this and you are proud she is reclaiming her life. You can love her where she is for sure. She must trust and deeply respect you, to have shared her truth with you at this level. I am so glad you were there, and that you were able to hear her. It's okay to say "I don't know." It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay sometimes just to be sisters, just to relish one another's company and time spent together. I am sorry those bad things, or any bad things, happened to you or to your sister, Going. I am very, very sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine what those who abuse children are thinking. They terrorize us for all the years of our lives. I just get so angry about it, about how stupidly wrong it is. I have been taking a determined look at my own past to be stronger myself. I can absolutely tell you it is worth it to learn to see ourselves through our own eyes instead of through the eyes of somebody who was a stupid, self-involved enough person to abuse a child ~ a child! ~ in any way. You can imagine the lies and justifications and rationalizations that made it somehow alright, in their weird little brains and moral systems, to do what they did ~ and to keep doing it. [I]Their sick ways of looking at us to justify what they were doing is what they left in our heads, Going.[/I] Very good idea, to get them out of our heads. The should never have been anywhere near us in the first place. Out they go. Yuck. Maybe now is the time for your family to come clean and to heal and I hope this is true for you all. It sounds like you did a great job of holding strong for your sister without telling her [I]or expecting yourself[/I] to be able to fix this. I am sorry holding strong for her brought scary things up for you [I]but it is time to get these people out of our heads. [/I] Good job and good for you, Going. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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