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OMG. He erased all of his assignments.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 331311" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I know my views on this will be controversial, but I don;t see video gaming as an addiction in kids with Asperger's or similar; I believe it is a coping strategy.</p><p></p><p>With our boys, I could see that they found some level of comfort and relaxation in playing games. Also, the knowledge that I wouldn't remove video gaming form them without their involvement in the decision, also helped calm them down.</p><p></p><p>HOWEVER - there are still obligations in life that must be met. I make a point of always being honest with the kids and to encourage honesty in them. I wouldn't punish this by removing computer games - instead, I would ask him what sort of punishment HE thinks is warranted, and get him involved in the process. It's quite likely that he would voluntarily accept loss of computer games. Or he might come up with an alternative you consider equally acceptable. I did find that involving the child made it easier for them to keep the anxiety in check, the same anxiety that gaming helps. Keep the anxiety down (especially anxiety over when he will ever get gaming privileges back) and you may find more compliance.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, what do you do about tis?</p><p></p><p>OK, he's lost trust. Well and truly. There needs to be a meeting with you, the teacher and difficult child present, with difficult child prepared to offer his own suggestions on how he can begin to earn back the trust. It's time he began to take some responsibility for his own management.</p><p></p><p>Removal of gaming privileges may well be the way to go, but he needs to be involved so he won't be resenting YOU. He needs to be resenting his own actions.</p><p></p><p>He also needs to continue to get homework assigments the same way he always has, but he's no longer to use a lead pencil. I would also secretly set up an arrangement with the teacher for her to email copies of set homework to you (or to you/husband at work) so you can compare what he comes home with, to what you know has been set. let him think you're on the phone with the teacher or have developed ESP. It will force him a little more into honesty, hopefully long enough for hi to get into thr habit. </p><p></p><p>And once he brings home a homework notification that you know is legit, AND he does it, I would let him play games immediately afterwards, that very night, if time permits. Because the immediate reward will reinforce that doing the right thing pays off. I would always mention (several times) how good it must feel to be able to play games AND to know your work is done. a much better feeling than the guilt.</p><p></p><p>Your ultimate aim as a parent, is for him to learn self-motivation and personal responsibility. If you ban the one thing he craves, loves and which could be helping him in a number of ways, he will get more sneaky and underhand trying to get what he wants. But if you deliberately allow for it (even if it's at a greater rate than you're comfortable with) then you can use it as a bargaining chip.</p><p></p><p>It's our unwritten rule in our family, that we do not ban gaming. Ever. But under some circumstances, we ask difficult child 3 to not play here, or there. If we're going out to dinner and it's simple for a quiet evening out, we will let him play his DS at the table after we've placed our order and as long as nobody is eating. But if we're at a wedding, for example, no DS gaming is allowed until after the speeches.</p><p></p><p>For kids like ours, gaming is like stimming. It serves a purpose but must be kept to a socially acceptable level and not interfere with their lives. But some allowance needs to be made, because with stimming, if you try to stop it altogether, it will continue to break out and could get worse. But if you accept the more socially acceptable forms, you find overall general improvement and a trend to greater social awareness.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 would have been seen as a computer game addict by the general rules. But as he's got older he's had to find out for himself that there are responsibilities in life that must be met, in order to earn the chance to continue gaming. If he doesn't pay the rent, he loses the roof over his head. If he fails to pay the electricity bill, then gaming is off due to lack of power. He's had to learn to manage his affairs and the process of doing that, takes time out of his gaming day. He has to work; he has a wife to support; he has family obligations; he has church obligations. And as these develop, so does his life expand beyond the world of gaming. </p><p></p><p>This is his life imposing on him. And he would have been seen as one of the worst game addicts - but again, I believe it is more like a stimulant than an addiction. For him and for difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>I am also seeing life skills that these boys have gained, through gaming. It's not always obvious. But reaction times, multitasking abilities, problem-solving abilities - all greatly improved through gaming and frankly, all areas where my boys have NEEDED to improve.</p><p></p><p>It's wrong to lie, it's wrong to deceive. But he's old enough now to have some input into what he must do in order to remedy the situation.</p><p></p><p>I think long-term you'll have sooner success with him, if you get him to have a say. Otherwise once more, he can say it's you doing it to him. Even though we all know he's brought this on himself. HE has to know this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 331311, member: 1991"] I know my views on this will be controversial, but I don;t see video gaming as an addiction in kids with Asperger's or similar; I believe it is a coping strategy. With our boys, I could see that they found some level of comfort and relaxation in playing games. Also, the knowledge that I wouldn't remove video gaming form them without their involvement in the decision, also helped calm them down. HOWEVER - there are still obligations in life that must be met. I make a point of always being honest with the kids and to encourage honesty in them. I wouldn't punish this by removing computer games - instead, I would ask him what sort of punishment HE thinks is warranted, and get him involved in the process. It's quite likely that he would voluntarily accept loss of computer games. Or he might come up with an alternative you consider equally acceptable. I did find that involving the child made it easier for them to keep the anxiety in check, the same anxiety that gaming helps. Keep the anxiety down (especially anxiety over when he will ever get gaming privileges back) and you may find more compliance. In the meantime, what do you do about tis? OK, he's lost trust. Well and truly. There needs to be a meeting with you, the teacher and difficult child present, with difficult child prepared to offer his own suggestions on how he can begin to earn back the trust. It's time he began to take some responsibility for his own management. Removal of gaming privileges may well be the way to go, but he needs to be involved so he won't be resenting YOU. He needs to be resenting his own actions. He also needs to continue to get homework assigments the same way he always has, but he's no longer to use a lead pencil. I would also secretly set up an arrangement with the teacher for her to email copies of set homework to you (or to you/husband at work) so you can compare what he comes home with, to what you know has been set. let him think you're on the phone with the teacher or have developed ESP. It will force him a little more into honesty, hopefully long enough for hi to get into thr habit. And once he brings home a homework notification that you know is legit, AND he does it, I would let him play games immediately afterwards, that very night, if time permits. Because the immediate reward will reinforce that doing the right thing pays off. I would always mention (several times) how good it must feel to be able to play games AND to know your work is done. a much better feeling than the guilt. Your ultimate aim as a parent, is for him to learn self-motivation and personal responsibility. If you ban the one thing he craves, loves and which could be helping him in a number of ways, he will get more sneaky and underhand trying to get what he wants. But if you deliberately allow for it (even if it's at a greater rate than you're comfortable with) then you can use it as a bargaining chip. It's our unwritten rule in our family, that we do not ban gaming. Ever. But under some circumstances, we ask difficult child 3 to not play here, or there. If we're going out to dinner and it's simple for a quiet evening out, we will let him play his DS at the table after we've placed our order and as long as nobody is eating. But if we're at a wedding, for example, no DS gaming is allowed until after the speeches. For kids like ours, gaming is like stimming. It serves a purpose but must be kept to a socially acceptable level and not interfere with their lives. But some allowance needs to be made, because with stimming, if you try to stop it altogether, it will continue to break out and could get worse. But if you accept the more socially acceptable forms, you find overall general improvement and a trend to greater social awareness. difficult child 1 would have been seen as a computer game addict by the general rules. But as he's got older he's had to find out for himself that there are responsibilities in life that must be met, in order to earn the chance to continue gaming. If he doesn't pay the rent, he loses the roof over his head. If he fails to pay the electricity bill, then gaming is off due to lack of power. He's had to learn to manage his affairs and the process of doing that, takes time out of his gaming day. He has to work; he has a wife to support; he has family obligations; he has church obligations. And as these develop, so does his life expand beyond the world of gaming. This is his life imposing on him. And he would have been seen as one of the worst game addicts - but again, I believe it is more like a stimulant than an addiction. For him and for difficult child 3. I am also seeing life skills that these boys have gained, through gaming. It's not always obvious. But reaction times, multitasking abilities, problem-solving abilities - all greatly improved through gaming and frankly, all areas where my boys have NEEDED to improve. It's wrong to lie, it's wrong to deceive. But he's old enough now to have some input into what he must do in order to remedy the situation. I think long-term you'll have sooner success with him, if you get him to have a say. Otherwise once more, he can say it's you doing it to him. Even though we all know he's brought this on himself. HE has to know this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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