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OMG - I cant this - really
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 194742" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Steely, DON'T charge to the rescue. You have done it too many times before - that could be why he is misbehaving now, to find one way or another to get his mother to come in and take him away from all this.</p><p></p><p>Have you ever watched those boot camp programs on TV? Seen the interviews with the parents? Boot camp is not just for the kids, it's for the parents too. And not just for respite - ALL involved have to learn different, better, ways to interact. </p><p></p><p>Your son is almost an adult. That means that his bad behaviour HAS to change, or he could find himself behind bars in prison. Not good - it does tend to cut back on his options to be President eventually, for example. </p><p></p><p>Your behaviour has to change. One minute you're afraid of him because of the way he attacked you, the next you want to drive down and rescue him, to bring him back home, then you miss him because he's so far away (and refer to him as your baby, etc) then you are seeing more balance and stepping back.</p><p></p><p>It's okay. You ARE a loving mother, you DO care about your son, but you have to let him face his own responsibilities at last. You don't have to demonstrate to the rest of the world how much you love your son. You don't have to feel guilty for shoving him away from you when he hurt you - you sent him into a place of healing.</p><p></p><p>Steely, they won't let him die in the desert. It's very bad for PR, to begin with. </p><p></p><p>He needs to change. Therefore you also need to change, in order to be able to adapt to the man they eventually send back to you. You CANNOT react the way you have been doing, until now. Your responses need to be considered, clear-headed, balanced and unemotional. I know this isn't easy when you're still so very traumatised by what you have been through, especially in the last year. He has also been badly hurt by all of tis too, as you have shared with us.</p><p></p><p>So leave him where he is, as long as you can (here's hoping they bend the "he's over 18" rule when the time comes). And in the meantime, see to your own healing, on as many fronts as you can.</p><p></p><p>He has a job to do.</p><p></p><p>So do you. If you feel it's too much for you - that would be understandable. So reach out for professional help, and take control back in your life. You have been too long without it, and you need to have the strength to grab the steering wheel again. And to also have the sense of direction to find it.</p><p></p><p>I have been there, done that. Not with exactly your circumstances - but there have been times in my life when I felt so out of control, I could not find the way out and knew I was in too-deep water. I needed help to find which direction to go, so I could finally get within reach of controls again. It can be scary to grab control back, but it also was very healing once I forced myself to keep my grip tight.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Be strong. You are now the mother of an adult.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 194742, member: 1991"] Steely, DON'T charge to the rescue. You have done it too many times before - that could be why he is misbehaving now, to find one way or another to get his mother to come in and take him away from all this. Have you ever watched those boot camp programs on TV? Seen the interviews with the parents? Boot camp is not just for the kids, it's for the parents too. And not just for respite - ALL involved have to learn different, better, ways to interact. Your son is almost an adult. That means that his bad behaviour HAS to change, or he could find himself behind bars in prison. Not good - it does tend to cut back on his options to be President eventually, for example. Your behaviour has to change. One minute you're afraid of him because of the way he attacked you, the next you want to drive down and rescue him, to bring him back home, then you miss him because he's so far away (and refer to him as your baby, etc) then you are seeing more balance and stepping back. It's okay. You ARE a loving mother, you DO care about your son, but you have to let him face his own responsibilities at last. You don't have to demonstrate to the rest of the world how much you love your son. You don't have to feel guilty for shoving him away from you when he hurt you - you sent him into a place of healing. Steely, they won't let him die in the desert. It's very bad for PR, to begin with. He needs to change. Therefore you also need to change, in order to be able to adapt to the man they eventually send back to you. You CANNOT react the way you have been doing, until now. Your responses need to be considered, clear-headed, balanced and unemotional. I know this isn't easy when you're still so very traumatised by what you have been through, especially in the last year. He has also been badly hurt by all of tis too, as you have shared with us. So leave him where he is, as long as you can (here's hoping they bend the "he's over 18" rule when the time comes). And in the meantime, see to your own healing, on as many fronts as you can. He has a job to do. So do you. If you feel it's too much for you - that would be understandable. So reach out for professional help, and take control back in your life. You have been too long without it, and you need to have the strength to grab the steering wheel again. And to also have the sense of direction to find it. I have been there, done that. Not with exactly your circumstances - but there have been times in my life when I felt so out of control, I could not find the way out and knew I was in too-deep water. I needed help to find which direction to go, so I could finally get within reach of controls again. It can be scary to grab control back, but it also was very healing once I forced myself to keep my grip tight. Hang in there. Be strong. You are now the mother of an adult. Marg [/QUOTE]
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