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OMG - I cant this - really
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 194775" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I don't understand. How can I break free, and let him grow up, when the camp is telling me that he is too unmanageable and <strong>I</strong> will have to be the one to find him a new placement. Tell me how to break free and let him go when his medications are still all jacked up, and there is no dr on staff there. Tell me how to just ignore all of this when I am still the one that has to find him a placement. Tell me how to break free when he functions like a 14 year old, and any morale individual would see fit to find someone to act as an advocate on his behalf. </p><p></p><p>I am trying to reach out to you all, and I understand that I have to let him be a man..........I GET IT. I get it is his choice to do what he is doing. I get it. But that leaves me no where. His own choices get him kicked out of another placement, and than what. Should I let him walk for miles down a deserted highway and hope he sees some lights? </p><p></p><p>This happened the last time I posted about this, and I got all the same responses. And I understand them - but I do not see how they are realistic. If the camp discharges him he is in the middle of the mountains - someone has to take him somewhere. </p><p></p><p>And I don't know if you understand how afraid I am of him dying. It is compulsively stuck in my head, because he was improperly restrained at a school once when he was 10, and asphyxiated, and almost died. </p><p></p><p>I mean, I guess I don't really feel like you guys are listening to me. I really <em>do</em> get that I am supposed to detach. And I guess I get kind of tired of hearing that over and over when I post about Matthew. I get it. And I am trying. But do you guys get <em>me</em>? And what I am trying to say?</p><p></p><p>For the first time on this board, I feel like some of you guys are not hearing me. You are assuming I want to rescue him. I don't. I am not taking him back home, I never even said that. I just don't know what to do with him. If he is doing horrible at the camp, that means I have to do something, and get him somewhere, and that is the part I cannot take. <strong>That</strong> is what I posted about! </p><p></p><p>I really hope I can still post here and not be lectured about "breaking free" and being told I should "not worry" he is a man, or nothing will happen to him because it is bad PR". Are you kidding? Kids die all the time in bad placements! For God's sake, my sister just died and no one even knows why. People die!</p><p></p><p>This is the second time I feel like I have gotten the detachment lecture, and kind of the pat on the head from CD, and now I am not sure I even want to post here anymore. I have always loved this board because everyone seemed to always understand and empathize. Now, I just am confused by most people's standard responses.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 194775, member: 3301"] I don't understand. How can I break free, and let him grow up, when the camp is telling me that he is too unmanageable and [B]I[/B] will have to be the one to find him a new placement. Tell me how to break free and let him go when his medications are still all jacked up, and there is no dr on staff there. Tell me how to just ignore all of this when I am still the one that has to find him a placement. Tell me how to break free when he functions like a 14 year old, and any morale individual would see fit to find someone to act as an advocate on his behalf. I am trying to reach out to you all, and I understand that I have to let him be a man..........I GET IT. I get it is his choice to do what he is doing. I get it. But that leaves me no where. His own choices get him kicked out of another placement, and than what. Should I let him walk for miles down a deserted highway and hope he sees some lights? This happened the last time I posted about this, and I got all the same responses. And I understand them - but I do not see how they are realistic. If the camp discharges him he is in the middle of the mountains - someone has to take him somewhere. And I don't know if you understand how afraid I am of him dying. It is compulsively stuck in my head, because he was improperly restrained at a school once when he was 10, and asphyxiated, and almost died. I mean, I guess I don't really feel like you guys are listening to me. I really [I]do[/I] get that I am supposed to detach. And I guess I get kind of tired of hearing that over and over when I post about Matthew. I get it. And I am trying. But do you guys get [I]me[/I]? And what I am trying to say? For the first time on this board, I feel like some of you guys are not hearing me. You are assuming I want to rescue him. I don't. I am not taking him back home, I never even said that. I just don't know what to do with him. If he is doing horrible at the camp, that means I have to do something, and get him somewhere, and that is the part I cannot take. [B]That[/B] is what I posted about! I really hope I can still post here and not be lectured about "breaking free" and being told I should "not worry" he is a man, or nothing will happen to him because it is bad PR". Are you kidding? Kids die all the time in bad placements! For God's sake, my sister just died and no one even knows why. People die! This is the second time I feel like I have gotten the detachment lecture, and kind of the pat on the head from CD, and now I am not sure I even want to post here anymore. I have always loved this board because everyone seemed to always understand and empathize. Now, I just am confused by most people's standard responses. [/QUOTE]
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