OMG! I'm freaking out......

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JKF, Jul 29, 2014.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    So I just found out that the bio father of both of my boys was released from prison a year and a half early. It says he's unsupervised in a halfway house. OMG! I'm freaking out! This man was violent. Went to jail for armed robbery. My boys haven't had any contact with him in 3 years but I'm so scared he's going to show up at my house or call and want to see easy child. There are no documents saying that I have sole legal custody. difficult child is 18 so he can do what he wants but I don't want my 13 year old easy child around this man. He was abusive (although never documented but told to me by both easy child and difficult child) and he's just a complete psycho. Sadly, difficult child is exactly like him. Exactly.....

    So, it's not possible for him to just show up at my house and demand to see easy child right? I've never dealt with this kind of thing before. Now not only do I have to worry about difficult child showing up but now I have to worry about my ex. OMG!
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
  2. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I know the prison he was in is 3 hours south of here and I'm kind of hoping he's in a halfway house in that area. He has no license and probably never will again but that doesn't make me feel any better. I just don't want easy child around him. He's seriously a psychopath. easy child has done so well without the influence of his bio dad. He's close to my husband and is actively involved in our community.

    When I look up ex's newest picture on the doctor website (which must have just been taken bc he looks waaaaaaaaay different than the picture that was taken when he was arrested) he looks like a serial killer. His eyes are empty. His face is all puffy and bloated. His hair is long and greasy. OMG! Why is this happening???
     
  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Ok just found out he's in a strict halfway house/RE-entry program and will be there for a while. His true release date is not until 2016. It's only about 30 min from here but I don't think he'll show up out of the blue and risk going back to prison.

    It's crazy how after 12 years apart the thought of ex's temper still scares the crap outta me. I'm breathing better now but seriously I really need a break from all of the craziness that surrounds me!


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  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I don't need to tell you to stay vigilant. I don't know your boys, but maybe you should share this information with them in a calm (hard to do) way. Only you know if you should share this.

    Prayers, Hugs, Peace...........
     
  5. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Well one of my "boys" is 20 year old difficult child and I think I'm going to keep it from him for now. If I tell him I would be opening a big can of worms. I know he'd definitely try to visit ex and difficult child has too many other problems to deal with right now. My other son, easy child, is 13 and I'm going to talk to him tonight. I don't want to scare him but I want him to know what's going on in case god forbid ex ever tried to contact him or lure him away or something. We've covered ex in therapy over the past couple of years and easy child has expressed several times that he has no desire to see his dad at this time.

    After researching it, I've sound out that the halfway house is pretty much still jail. It a lockdown facility and if ex were to violate any conditions he'd be immediately sent back to prison.


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  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Atleast he isn't free to run around. Not that that makes him completely a non issue.

    I say breathe deep tell easy child what he needs to know and then keep in contact with the halfway house or continue tracking his moves the way you are. I would not want this man showing up on my doorstep without some warning. I wouldn't want him there with warning.

    Your safety and the safety of the boys is the most important thing.
     
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  7. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Warn your easy child. He needs to know. Discreetly warn the school in September since you have no documentation that you have sole custody. 30 minutes away is close. I'm sorry about all this.
     
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  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would contact the child support unit of your local DSS and talk to them about having his parental rights taken away. It may be that he would be willing since he has not paid child support since he has been in jail. Who knows. I assume you were married and got a divorce right? If so, you can revisit that divorce decree without a lawyer if you cant afford one and ask for sole custody now because ex looks like he will be getting out of prison. A domestic violence center might help too.
     
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    No Janet - We were never married and we never had a formal custody agreement after splitting up. We were together for 10 years and we broke up when difficult child was 7 and easy child was 6 months old. I met my husband about a year later and we've been together ever since. My ex did see my sons up until about 4 years ago when he went to prison. Since then they have had no contact with him and he hasn't made any attempts to contact them except for a letter to each of them maybe 3 years ago. I know he'll be in this new facility for at least 3 months and then released to a less strict environment after that. I found the paperwork to file for sole custody of easy child and I'm going to fill that out and bring it over to the courthouse. There is no reason why they wouldn't grant us sole custody at this point. My husband and I have never been in trouble with the law, we work hard, have had the same jobs for a long period of time, own a home and have been residents of our community for the last 9 years. My ex is in prison for armed robbery and threat of bodily injury and this is not the first time he's been in prison for this. I'm pretty confident we would win in court if it comes to that.
     
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry JKF.

    Perhaps this is happening so you can get all your ducks in order with the proper paperwork for your easy child. As you embark on your new career adventure, you'll want to make sure the past is just that, the past. In order to move ahead, it's important to tie up all the loose ends of yesterday, so we can be free to move ahead without any remnants of the past. This sounds like one of those times. Perhaps your ex will remain in your past, but for you and easy child, it is a very good idea to make everything clear. easy child will know. The legalities will be in order. Then you can move forward, freely.

    If you take the initial freak out out of it, the emotional reaction, you're left with things you need to do to protect you and easy child. You may want to talk to an authority to find out exactly what you can do to protect you and easy child. Find out all you can so you are safe and informed and legal.

    Take deep breaths. Take a bath. Relax. You found out all the facts. You did a very good job of that. You always do.
     
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