OMG!!!! My child pushed his teacher?????

[whateveryousay2007]

I got a call from the principal yesterday. difficult child had a bad day could I come get him? Why? Oh, he head butted his teacher!


EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!??????????

Not my sweet passive child! Anyway, so I get there and he's sitting in the isolation booth. (It's not as bad as it sounds. It's just a desk with sides on it so they can't stare at people walking by.)

The principal, his teacher & the speech therpist all meet with me. We just wanted to let you know what happened. We're not mad at him we just wanted to let you know so we can correct the "situation" so that he can stay at this school.

It's the bus ride in the mornings that overstimulates him. What should take 15 minutes to get over is an all day thing for him. Is there anyway I can bring him to school versus him riding the bus.

We've initiated a CD player for the bus to drown out noises. Can't they put him in the front away from the 3rd-5th grade boys? Oh, that makes sense....no we haven't tried that. Hello? I'm not trying to razz the school because they don't know what happens on the bus....but come on.

What started the incident is that the class was going to computer lab and he wanted to go. The plan was for him to go to speech. He didn't want to go to speech. So the teacher is trying to get him to go one way and he wants to go the opposite direction.
So the principal takes him for one on one time. He does well with this. It's not punishment, it's a quiet safe place for him to unwind.

So, the principal lets him go to recess. He refuses to come back in. The principal has to pick him up and carry him in. Hence the phone call.

He wasn't physically fighting with them, per se, but he was being defiant. I'm not defending his actions. He knew what he did was wrong and on the social cue cards put down that he was sad/embarrassed/sorry for his behavior.

I didn't resort to spanking him, even though I was very unhappy with the behavior he had that day. I'm trying to be understanding that he has a "disorder" and what isn't rational to me may be to him at the time. However, with that being said I did punish him by taking away his "video game" & "toy cars" for 3 days.

And he personally wrote his teacher an apology. She called later that night to tell me that she still loves him the same today as she did the day before and she wasn't mad. She just didn't want him to "think it was okay" to "buck up to her". I understand completely he can't fight with adults or other kids for that matter. He has to learn to cope with the unexpected, sensory, etc....

He was in a bad mood for about an hour and then he was the sweet child, best behavior (even after punishment was described) and I wonder if this was the best way to handle it.

I was raised with the correction/punishment by the "belt" but I just don't think that benefits these guys. Any ideas? I explained that he can't do that because they'll put him in another school with kids that aren't so nice. He told me that he didn't head butt her. I didn't yell at him or raise my voice I just let him know that nobody was mad at him he just needed to do better.

His defense was...."the bus ride makes me mad".....(He wasn't in there when we had that discussion)

 

[JJJ]

If his disability makes it too hard for him to ride the regular bus, you do not need to drive him, they should provide a short bus with door-to-door service to get him to school.

 

[whateveryousay2007]

His school doesn't have the "special bus". Even the Special Education kids ride the regular bus. My next door neighbor is a bus driver for the same school, but he doesn't ride her bus this year because he catches the bus with a family friend.

I've even thought about asking her if he can get on the bus first and sit on the front seat next year.

(He doesn't ride the bus home....afterschool care)

But, that was my families response also.....why doesn't he get special pick up?

 

[JJJ]

I think you missed my point. It is the school district's responsibility to get him there. My oldest daughter is picked up in a minivan and transported to school. Are your regular buses wheelchair accessible? If not, how do those kids get to school.

 

[whateveryousay2007]

No, I got your point. No one at his school is "handicapped". I was told when he was tested that if his autism was "severe" he would have to go to another school in our county. So, the entire thing is if anyone needs "special transportation" or "special needs" they have to go to another school in our district.

 

[SRL]

Copy your post and repost over on the Special Education board. If the school is admitting the bus is the problem then legally they need to provide an appropriate solution.

 

[SRL]

No, I got your point. No one at his school is "handicapped". I was told when he was tested that if his autism was "severe" he would have to go to another school in our county. So, the entire thing is if anyone needs "special transportation" or "special needs" they have to go to another school in our district.

That's not legal. If the least restrictive educational setting is the school he's in, then they can't use the transportation excuse.

 

[whateveryousay2007]

Thanks SRL....I will.

 

[1905]

They need to take care of this in some way besides giving the problem to you. They don't want to pay. It would be alot cheaper for them to transport your difficult child to school than to pay the "other school's" tuition. They could hire an aide for example. Don't let them play dumb with you.-Alyssa

 

[amazeofgrace]

welp if it makes you feel better mine kicked his principal in the head last year, sigh.........

And no the belt (although tempting) is not an answer for our kids, mine would just laugh at me anyways and probably kick me.

 

[Steely]

I agree..........corporal punishment does not work for these kids. Absolutely not. The one time I tried it, it just reinforced the violence. Studies have shown that to be true. Violence just reinforces violence. Especially for these kiddos that can only think in black and white. It sounds like you handled it well.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

You know, I'm in the minority here. If the bus is such a tragic experience for your son, why not drive him? I totally understand if you are unable to because of work. But I think, were I in your place, I would make a minor adjustment and drive my son to school (I do actually drive my son to school).

I know that the school is required to provide transportation, especially since they have admitted the problem. But would it be so bad to give your son a positive start to the day by not subjecting him to an enviornment that is disturbing to him if you are able?

Obviously the downside is that you don't want to be stuck doing this for the rest of his school life! But perhaps in the transition time between insisting they provide him with alternate transportation, you could bring him to school in the morning.

Sharon

 

[susiestar]

Spanking, belts, etc are NEVER going to work on an Aspie. ALL that you will accomplish is a child who thinks it is OK to hurt others. I speak from experience. You will never stop defiance, or unwanted behavior, with a belt.

For the school, they have already let you know they KNOW that they have the responsibility for getting him to school. Please do what the people on the Special Education forum recommend. They are trying to make you do what they are legally bound to do.

Please read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, and ask the school staff to read it also. Please also read Love and Logic Parenting, or the special needs version of Love and Logic. You can find out more about the books on love and logic on www.loveandlogic.com . Lots of good free stuff, and it is a great way to deal with an Aspie. Worked very well with my Aspie. Esp after we introduced it to his teachers. (LOTS of their stuff is geared to teachers, even the free stuff for teachers is helpful for parents, or it was for us).

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I have to agree with LDM.

If there is a way to drive him to school, I would do it. It would benefit him to start his day without the stress of having ridden the bus first thing in the morning. I also drive my daughter to school. The last thing she gets before she exits the car is a kiss, a hug, and an "I love you, have a great day." If there is a way to work that out, I say do it. That is a much more pleasant way to start a school day, no?

And I am on board with the others; spanking is about the worst thing you can do. It teaches them that it's OK to hit others when you don't like what they did.


Hugs, I know this is not easy!

 

[whateveryousay2007]

Thanks for all the advice. The principal even told me that she opens the doors at 6:30 if I can bring him then. (I start work at that time) But I may be able to do something about it.

He actually got a "spanking" by his father last night. It was against my wishes but difficult child kept mouthing and he reacted to it. I told husband later that we weren't going to do that because it doesn't work.

Although difficult child was a perfect angel the rest of the night.

 

[daralex]

I know I caught this a little late, but we had many transpo problems with difficult child. It seemed in the end that driving her got rid of a lot of stress for her and we didn't have to hold our breath every time she got on the bus. I know it's not possible for many to do the drive - but my thoughts are, maybe even the first day or two after this incident just so difficult child knows you have his back and are trying to give him a little "down" time for his morning stress.
As far as "hitting", If I thought it would help for one second I would beat her butt on a daily basis. My feeling is that if that is truly the answer than all kids from back in the day would have been model citizens and we know that to be false.

 

[GinAndTonic]

Right now we have an arrangement where my difficult child is the last kid picked up, because he's so worked up on the ride he can't hold it together very long. Can you get them to change the bus route?

For the past few weeks I've been picking him up after school, just to spare him the anxiety of the ride home (which was always harder for him), but that was my idea -- I've made it clear to the school that it's not permanent!

 

[susiestar]

Be aware when you call to ask them to change the bus route they will tell you it is impossible. It isn't, but it may take frequent, even daily phone calls and some letters. Our bus route was "carved in stone" to quote the head of transportation. But when the teenager's parents complained, gee, all of a sudden the route was totally different. It worked out better for us, so I don't mind. Just wanted to let you know they may give you static. But keep on them, write to the Superintendent of Schools - I find this makes a LOT of people sit up and take notice.

Hugs,

susie