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OMG. Now my dad. Does it ever end?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 629460" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>MWM, take a breath. I say this out of love. I am having to do the same thing today. My emotions are on high alert right now. Yours are too. We are in this together. </p><p></p><p>When we are like this, we need to take a deep breath. We need to wait. We need to have silence and space and distance and time. We don't need to do anything right now.</p><p></p><p>You stood up for yourself. I just sent my sister an email and stood up for myself too. I waited and I changed the words several times so that I said it clearly and kindly. </p><p></p><p>We need to stand up for ourselves, and it's hard for us to do it in the best way when we are so upset too. I know your heart, and I know how you want to be to your family, regardless of how they are to you. You have done the work, and you are more than what he did today.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he is a product of his generation. And you know his history and who he is. </p><p></p><p>And you know who you are. </p><p></p><p>He is your 90 year old father, and like you said, you don't want to cut off all ties. That is your choice and none other than your choice. You don't have to, you can just create more space, more time, more distance and tread very lightly and carefully when you do encounter him, if you so choose.</p><p></p><p>You are dealing with way too much right now. Your sister is fresh. You have so many changes in your household---wonderful ones and hard ones. That is still stressful, even the good changes. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I SO get that today. My beloved sister has done it twice today, subtly, but still. It hurts. It makes the other hurts hurt even more. It makes me feel even more alone. And I don't need that right now. </p><p></p><p>We were born into these families, and we didn't choose them. We love these people, regardless, most of them, most of the time (or not). We can only be who we are, and when we are full to the top with them, we need to take a break. Sometimes a long break.</p><p></p><p>But it doesn't have to be black and white, MWM. Not all or nothing. We can slow it way, way down if we choose. And that is okay too. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You were trying to be kind. That is who you are. And then, it's even a harder hit when you are trying to be kind and you get the whap up side the head. I am sorry that he hurt you like he did. It's just too much, right now. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's about people being who they are. It's about reality. It's about the good and the bad of all of us and of him. Like you said, he has done good things for you and with you in your life. It's just not a black and white thing.</p><p></p><p>Who knows what he was thinking? What he believes? And who really cares? They are going to do what works for them and you stated that. You don't have to defend them or their decisions. They stand anyway.</p><p></p><p>MWM, take a break. Take a long deep breath. Take a walk. Sit in silence. Watch the sunset. Get back in touch with all you have learned and experienced and who you really are today. You are a wonderful, giving, caring, very smart and very seasoned person.</p><p></p><p>Do nothing today. Just let the day pass. Tomorrow will be a better day. And this too shall pass. Warm, hard hugs for you. </p><p></p><p>We'll get through this stuff. Thank goodness for this board.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 629460, member: 17542"] MWM, take a breath. I say this out of love. I am having to do the same thing today. My emotions are on high alert right now. Yours are too. We are in this together. When we are like this, we need to take a deep breath. We need to wait. We need to have silence and space and distance and time. We don't need to do anything right now. You stood up for yourself. I just sent my sister an email and stood up for myself too. I waited and I changed the words several times so that I said it clearly and kindly. We need to stand up for ourselves, and it's hard for us to do it in the best way when we are so upset too. I know your heart, and I know how you want to be to your family, regardless of how they are to you. You have done the work, and you are more than what he did today. Yes, he is a product of his generation. And you know his history and who he is. And you know who you are. He is your 90 year old father, and like you said, you don't want to cut off all ties. That is your choice and none other than your choice. You don't have to, you can just create more space, more time, more distance and tread very lightly and carefully when you do encounter him, if you so choose. You are dealing with way too much right now. Your sister is fresh. You have so many changes in your household---wonderful ones and hard ones. That is still stressful, even the good changes. Yes, I SO get that today. My beloved sister has done it twice today, subtly, but still. It hurts. It makes the other hurts hurt even more. It makes me feel even more alone. And I don't need that right now. We were born into these families, and we didn't choose them. We love these people, regardless, most of them, most of the time (or not). We can only be who we are, and when we are full to the top with them, we need to take a break. Sometimes a long break. But it doesn't have to be black and white, MWM. Not all or nothing. We can slow it way, way down if we choose. And that is okay too. You were trying to be kind. That is who you are. And then, it's even a harder hit when you are trying to be kind and you get the whap up side the head. I am sorry that he hurt you like he did. It's just too much, right now. It's about people being who they are. It's about reality. It's about the good and the bad of all of us and of him. Like you said, he has done good things for you and with you in your life. It's just not a black and white thing. Who knows what he was thinking? What he believes? And who really cares? They are going to do what works for them and you stated that. You don't have to defend them or their decisions. They stand anyway. MWM, take a break. Take a long deep breath. Take a walk. Sit in silence. Watch the sunset. Get back in touch with all you have learned and experienced and who you really are today. You are a wonderful, giving, caring, very smart and very seasoned person. Do nothing today. Just let the day pass. Tomorrow will be a better day. And this too shall pass. Warm, hard hugs for you. We'll get through this stuff. Thank goodness for this board. [/QUOTE]
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