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OMG. Now my dad. Does it ever end?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 629481" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you so much, RE. From your posts, and Cedars, I can tell we share the incredibly-hard-to-understand issue of having many family members, if not most, who don't want to hear us and paint us black. I am so glad you were able to at least be heard by your mother. I think, for some reason, mothers mean the most to us when they understand.</p><p></p><p>My mother was out for punishment and no matter what I did, she was going to stay hateful, even when I truly reached out time and time again, and even took 100% of the blame (I question this now) just to get her to have a semi-normal mom/daughter relationship with me. It failed. I'm not sure why. She spoke little of her childhood. I adored her mother, my grandma, but now I look back and see that she was playing me against her own daughter and grandma favored her son so some dynamics that went on will never be known to me. I do not, however, think she tried her best. She maybe did all she knew, but all WE knew was what WE were taught and we still did not act like they did. It's not an excuse.</p><p></p><p>I was always afraid to hang up on my father because he held the purse strings and kept threatening to disinherit me. We don't have money (husband and I) so this scared me. I look back and laugh at myself. Why did I care so much? Why did I care at all? If he didn't inherit me, I'd stay poor? I've always been sort of poor and material things never meant much to me so what would change if he disinherited me? My mother did it and the world didn't fall apart. I will never him have monetary power over me again and, in my frame of mind, I truly don't care if I get money or not from him. So I'm not afraid of him. Actually, when my mother disinherited me it hurt me more emotionally than stung me because I didn't get the little money she had. I did not even consider going to court to fight it. I was too devestated as I felt that was her slap at me from the grave. It said to me, "Ha, ha. See? You really DON'T mean squat to me." If there was an obit I didn't see it and I wonder if I was even mentioned in it. My Dad could never hurt me as much. I now look back and feel silly that this bothered me so much or surprised me.</p><p></p><p>Heck, she was all but shouting her intentions and I thought that if I just tried to be nice, it would work out in the end. </p><p></p><p>How naive. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately for me, but not tragically, there is NOBODY in my extended family I can sit down and talk to and work it out with. To be honest, there are very few people in that family...Dad, Sis and Brother. THat's it. My uncle, who was a source of great pain to me, is deceased. I did not attend his funeral. He was vile to me and I hadn't seen him for over twenty years and he was just an uncle. He started calling me "brat" when I was as young as four and my mother, who worshipped his butt, let him do it even when it made me cry and they'd both laugh. I have that memory even though I was so young that we lived in an old apartment in Chicago that my only memory that exists of it is my uncle teasing me until I cried and them laughing.</p><p></p><p>RE, I am starting to realize how far I've come. Any nastiness from my DNA collection used to make me feel like they were right, I was horrible, I cried for days, I couldn't function, they had so much power over me! Now...I am fairly apathetic. With Sis and Brother I am almost 80% apathetic and getting more each day. My dad was the only one who was outcasted like me and whom I have any connection to in my heart. However, he can NOT talk to me that way. And he does not possess the ability to love the way most fathers do. Hhis greatest wish for me and my sister was for us to marry somebody tremendously wealthy...not for OUR sake...but so that he could brag about it to other people. That we didn't, made him think we were useless. Also, they had to be Jewisih. That didn't happen. He was most proud of my sister and I when we were young because both of us were extremely pretty and, trust me, he embarassed us by talkling to strangers about it, like waiters in restaurants. He'd say, "This is my daughter. Pretty, isn't she? Doesn't she look like ME?"</p><p></p><p>Me, me, me. His swan song.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for making me see the progress I have made. And I feel in my gut that I really HAVE let go of so many trite things that used to make me so sad. I appreciate your help, all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 629481, member: 1550"] Thank you so much, RE. From your posts, and Cedars, I can tell we share the incredibly-hard-to-understand issue of having many family members, if not most, who don't want to hear us and paint us black. I am so glad you were able to at least be heard by your mother. I think, for some reason, mothers mean the most to us when they understand. My mother was out for punishment and no matter what I did, she was going to stay hateful, even when I truly reached out time and time again, and even took 100% of the blame (I question this now) just to get her to have a semi-normal mom/daughter relationship with me. It failed. I'm not sure why. She spoke little of her childhood. I adored her mother, my grandma, but now I look back and see that she was playing me against her own daughter and grandma favored her son so some dynamics that went on will never be known to me. I do not, however, think she tried her best. She maybe did all she knew, but all WE knew was what WE were taught and we still did not act like they did. It's not an excuse. I was always afraid to hang up on my father because he held the purse strings and kept threatening to disinherit me. We don't have money (husband and I) so this scared me. I look back and laugh at myself. Why did I care so much? Why did I care at all? If he didn't inherit me, I'd stay poor? I've always been sort of poor and material things never meant much to me so what would change if he disinherited me? My mother did it and the world didn't fall apart. I will never him have monetary power over me again and, in my frame of mind, I truly don't care if I get money or not from him. So I'm not afraid of him. Actually, when my mother disinherited me it hurt me more emotionally than stung me because I didn't get the little money she had. I did not even consider going to court to fight it. I was too devestated as I felt that was her slap at me from the grave. It said to me, "Ha, ha. See? You really DON'T mean squat to me." If there was an obit I didn't see it and I wonder if I was even mentioned in it. My Dad could never hurt me as much. I now look back and feel silly that this bothered me so much or surprised me. Heck, she was all but shouting her intentions and I thought that if I just tried to be nice, it would work out in the end. How naive. Unfortunately for me, but not tragically, there is NOBODY in my extended family I can sit down and talk to and work it out with. To be honest, there are very few people in that family...Dad, Sis and Brother. THat's it. My uncle, who was a source of great pain to me, is deceased. I did not attend his funeral. He was vile to me and I hadn't seen him for over twenty years and he was just an uncle. He started calling me "brat" when I was as young as four and my mother, who worshipped his butt, let him do it even when it made me cry and they'd both laugh. I have that memory even though I was so young that we lived in an old apartment in Chicago that my only memory that exists of it is my uncle teasing me until I cried and them laughing. RE, I am starting to realize how far I've come. Any nastiness from my DNA collection used to make me feel like they were right, I was horrible, I cried for days, I couldn't function, they had so much power over me! Now...I am fairly apathetic. With Sis and Brother I am almost 80% apathetic and getting more each day. My dad was the only one who was outcasted like me and whom I have any connection to in my heart. However, he can NOT talk to me that way. And he does not possess the ability to love the way most fathers do. Hhis greatest wish for me and my sister was for us to marry somebody tremendously wealthy...not for OUR sake...but so that he could brag about it to other people. That we didn't, made him think we were useless. Also, they had to be Jewisih. That didn't happen. He was most proud of my sister and I when we were young because both of us were extremely pretty and, trust me, he embarassed us by talkling to strangers about it, like waiters in restaurants. He'd say, "This is my daughter. Pretty, isn't she? Doesn't she look like ME?" Me, me, me. His swan song. Thank you all for making me see the progress I have made. And I feel in my gut that I really HAVE let go of so many trite things that used to make me so sad. I appreciate your help, all of you. [/QUOTE]
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