Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
OMG - things are bad - and apparently I am the one to blame
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 320824" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Steely - you are between a rock and a rock here. I have to tell you, it makes me a little more than queasy that the program is refusing contact between you and Matt until this is "resolved". I may be reading more into it than what is there, but it smacks of blackmail and is, in my humble opinion, pretty darn unethical. It's one thing to drop him from the program, but something completely different to keep him there and not allow you, his guardian and the person who is ultimately responsible for his well being, to have contact with him. </p><p> </p><p>You trusting the program has absolutely zip to do with Matt's current state. Quite frankly, based on what you've written over the past couple of months, it sounds like Matt has decompensated (which unfortunately is the nature of the illness sometimes) and the program is being quite gfgish itself in blaming *you* - that way, they're not responsible or accountable (sounds just like our sons, you know?). </p><p> </p><p>Don't you *dare* take this on yourself. It has nothing to do with you. It's an easy out on their part and is total bologna. It sounds to me like Matt needs far more than the program can provide in terms of stabilization and maintenance, and they aren't going to admit it. </p><p> </p><p>At the same time, what to do with- Matt now? I don't know what the answer is. I know you want to protect him and get him functional. I have to admit, I lean more towards Everywoman's point of view. We've spent most of our mothering years dragging our kids to the therapeutic trough where they have continued to refuse to drink. At some point, they have to start taking some responsibility for their own well being. It's a horrible catch-22 though - are our kids able to take responsibility, or is their mental illness so severe that they can't? And if they can't, how do you get them in a safe place when every adult program (that I've found anyway) requires their "clients" to be compliant and cooperative? It's oxymoronic - the very illness that makes thank you incompetent (in my opinion) manifests itself as noncompliance and severely conduct disordered, among other things. </p><p> </p><p>It's frustrating - I look at Boo and sometimes wish thank you had the same obvious disability. No one ever questioned Boo's competence (or incompetence actually) or our responsibility to care for him and make decisions for him. In reality, I think Boo is far more capable of making appropriate decisions for himself. But because he looks disabled, we are afforded the right to protect and care for him. thank you is at least as disabled as Boo, yet because he doesn't outwardly appear that way, we cannot "force" treatment. But even more than that, they have facilities we could place Boo, compliant or not, if that were our choice. It will never happen but the option is there. I have a horrific time wrapping my head around the fact that there are no such options for thank you, who in fact is more in need of 24/7 supervision.</p><p> </p><p>Sorry... rambling. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I wish I knew what the answer is. I think if your ed consultant can find another placement, you should go that route, obviously. If he/she can't, it boils down to are you ready to let Matt sink or swim on his own, with whatever resources he will allow to be in his life? Or are you willing to bow down to whatever his current placement wants from you in order to at least keep him under some kind of supervision? It's going to be a rough road either way. Bottom line is we cannot control or protect our kids - sorry, I know that sounds defeatest but, from where husband and I are standing now, it's sure how it seems to be. </p><p> </p><p>Many gentle hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 320824, member: 8"] Steely - you are between a rock and a rock here. I have to tell you, it makes me a little more than queasy that the program is refusing contact between you and Matt until this is "resolved". I may be reading more into it than what is there, but it smacks of blackmail and is, in my humble opinion, pretty darn unethical. It's one thing to drop him from the program, but something completely different to keep him there and not allow you, his guardian and the person who is ultimately responsible for his well being, to have contact with him. You trusting the program has absolutely zip to do with Matt's current state. Quite frankly, based on what you've written over the past couple of months, it sounds like Matt has decompensated (which unfortunately is the nature of the illness sometimes) and the program is being quite gfgish itself in blaming *you* - that way, they're not responsible or accountable (sounds just like our sons, you know?). Don't you *dare* take this on yourself. It has nothing to do with you. It's an easy out on their part and is total bologna. It sounds to me like Matt needs far more than the program can provide in terms of stabilization and maintenance, and they aren't going to admit it. At the same time, what to do with- Matt now? I don't know what the answer is. I know you want to protect him and get him functional. I have to admit, I lean more towards Everywoman's point of view. We've spent most of our mothering years dragging our kids to the therapeutic trough where they have continued to refuse to drink. At some point, they have to start taking some responsibility for their own well being. It's a horrible catch-22 though - are our kids able to take responsibility, or is their mental illness so severe that they can't? And if they can't, how do you get them in a safe place when every adult program (that I've found anyway) requires their "clients" to be compliant and cooperative? It's oxymoronic - the very illness that makes thank you incompetent (in my opinion) manifests itself as noncompliance and severely conduct disordered, among other things. It's frustrating - I look at Boo and sometimes wish thank you had the same obvious disability. No one ever questioned Boo's competence (or incompetence actually) or our responsibility to care for him and make decisions for him. In reality, I think Boo is far more capable of making appropriate decisions for himself. But because he looks disabled, we are afforded the right to protect and care for him. thank you is at least as disabled as Boo, yet because he doesn't outwardly appear that way, we cannot "force" treatment. But even more than that, they have facilities we could place Boo, compliant or not, if that were our choice. It will never happen but the option is there. I have a horrific time wrapping my head around the fact that there are no such options for thank you, who in fact is more in need of 24/7 supervision. Sorry... rambling. ;) I wish I knew what the answer is. I think if your ed consultant can find another placement, you should go that route, obviously. If he/she can't, it boils down to are you ready to let Matt sink or swim on his own, with whatever resources he will allow to be in his life? Or are you willing to bow down to whatever his current placement wants from you in order to at least keep him under some kind of supervision? It's going to be a rough road either way. Bottom line is we cannot control or protect our kids - sorry, I know that sounds defeatest but, from where husband and I are standing now, it's sure how it seems to be. Many gentle hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
OMG - things are bad - and apparently I am the one to blame
Top