OMW!!!!! First meeting with new teacher!!!!!

[lovelyboy]

Ok, yesterday I met difficult child new teacher....she looked nice in the good sense.....
Was suppose to have a meeting at 1 o'clock with her and principal.....waited for principal till 13h20....didnt pitch up...Then me and her started and she soon informed me she can only have 15 minutes with me....after I waited 20 minutes in the blasting sun!!!!
After a few minutes I could see she was disconnecting from the discussion!
I worked more than 3 hours to put a document together with some stuff kido struggles with and some suggestions.......After a while she told me...."mommy you need to step back and leave me to build a relationship with your son, otherwise he will have a very difficult time in gr 3"! she also said that " I need to relax a bit more".....and that "I must let him go and be himself otherwise if I keep having discussions with her he will develope a poor selfesteem because he will think he is in trouble! Oh please!!!!
She also hinted that this school has very high standards.....and reading between the lines I got the tread that if he wont be able to handle it, this is the wrong school for him!!!!!
AND she directly told me that I need to remember he is not the only child in the class that needs attention!
FINE!!!!!I will back of until they ask me to step in, BUT she needs to remember...." I will be watching every move ".......
She really made me feel like the overprotective, overinvolved mommy that tries to bud in to often! Silly woman, I could have been of great benefit to her and the school!!!!!

 

[Bunny]

Either she truly has no idea how to teach a difficult child, or she just does not like being told what her students need. Just wait. This does not sound like a good beginning to me.

 

[Ktllc]

Grrrr, don't those people get it??? You are the mother, therfor you are a wealth of information and support! Has she ever heard the words "team work"??
Is your son in a private school? I would think/wish all schools have high standards for the sakes of the children. But that should not mean lack of flexibility and dialogue.
Well, try to breath deeply and, like you said, watch them like a hawk.
Is there any special provision to protect and help special need kids in S. Africa?

 

[buddy]

OH my, this does not bode well for you. Sounds like how things were before we had laws about this... (well it still can be like that, but as I said we have laws to force it and they are made to comply and be on a team with us). I still will hear things like well we have to think of the other students. MY REPLY??? That is good, I expect that. But MY only job here is to advocate for MY child. And I will for sure do that every opportunity I get.

She sounds totally clueless, and problem is there are completely predictable, preventable problems but when those things arise...she will blame difficult child for misbehavior.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Big Red Flag.

That's exactly what they told US when difficult child was in grade 1.
He went downhill at increasing speeds until we almost lost him.
When we finally got to the bottom of all the problems and started getting the right dxes, interventions, accommodations and medications... and they are finally singing a different tune.

Reality is... school is about to send your kid off the deep end.

And I have no idea what processes and options you have in your country... but just sitting back and waiting to see what happens... means damage is being done.

 

[lovelyboy]

The thing is......she keeps on telling me she cant give any input because she only met him today.....fine I agree.....but that said,, then she must also not make assumptions about my parenting and involvement , because she only " met" me today ass well!!!!!
The other thing is......my son is the "perfect" child in class.....they dont see the anxiety at home.....MMMmmmmm....maybe I must just let her know one morning if he refuses to go to school because she didnt inform me about changes in his schoolprogram that he isnt comeing.....and then so very gently remind her of our "first meeting"!
She even had the odasity to tell me she had another child last year with the same " problem".....who was much worse!!!!!I thought she didnt know my son!?
For those that remember my upset with the Occupational Therapist (OT).....me not thinking she has enough life experience and holistic aproach to work with my son.....this Occupational Therapist (OT) went to meet the new teacher today to schedule appointments to treat him in school time! this after I made it clear to her that we might consider stopping therapy for a while! I actually wanted to move him to see her colleuge who is much older and has more insight!!!!!This Occupational Therapist (OT) also had this issue with me attending my sons sessions because his anxiety prevented him from going alone.....wonder what were discussed between them! I am getting this horrible feeling that just maybe the Occupational Therapist (OT) let a word, or a sigh, or an eye-roll out regarding this "over involved" mom......because she is irritated with me after I confronted her for illegally changing our contract to suit her!!!!

Yes he is in a

 

[lovelyboy]

Yes he is in a private school....apparently they are still busy working on the laws that expect the schools to incorporate Special Education kids!!!!!!!

 

[buddy]

OH my word, here, if two professionals from different organizations talk, they have to sign a release of information where we say what they can and can't talk about. HOLY cow I would be ticked.

 

[Ktllc]

Wow, I would be livid if it were me. What does the school director think about all this? Could he/she be your ally? Could you work the angle "I pay for a private school and expect excellent service which in my mind includes good communication and team work"?
If they are still in the stone age when it comes to special need, don't put the emphasis on it. But use words like simple accomodation, working together, respecting each other's point of views, individual differences, etc... Those are qualities that should be expected of ANY schools.

 

[lovelyboy]

Lol buddy, I am ticked of!!!!!! I can feel the steam coming out my ears and nose.....
I'm not sure if I will be doing the right thing regarding my son, but I still feel strongly that this Occupational Therapist (OT) at school thing is not working....It feels to much like a money making machine! It just feels to me that I dont have enough control over the therapy proses! Please be honest with me: Must I learn to sit back and trust others more....? I just have this gut feeling that she (the Occupational Therapist (OT)) is not the right match for my son.?????I just think an outside therapist will be giving more feedback to me and put in more effort because she knows that she needs to keep up the good work to still have the clients?
I was pleasantly surprised when the teacher told me that my son came to give her a hug before leaving school!!!!! I mean....he doesnt do hugs AND previous years it took him 8 months to build a relationship with the teachers! So she must have been doing something right!!!!!

 

[buddy]

IF there is one thing I have learned over the years (and I am still making this mistake, being a basically trusting person...sigh).... it is that when I dont follow my MOMMY GUT... all hell breaks loose eventually. I now just let people know ahead of time, I know this may be a pain to you, but I have to do my job as a mom and so I am here to get this fixed..... LOL

 

[DDD]

Although I truly understand your disappointment, anger and fear (been there done that a few times) I actually think you should buy a notebook and make daily entries any time your son or teacher "share" info about the school day. I've raised far too many kids to trust a new teacher, lol, but "sometimes" teachers do find a way to mesh with difficult child's. IF he is able to function well with her that would be awesome for him and for you. Should it "go South" you will have an independent record of problems and can utilize it to get the help needed. It's hard to step back a bit and see what happens. on the other hand, many of us have raised difficult child's who haven't done well even when interventions were in place. I know it is not easy but I have seen it go both ways. Fingers crossed for the best. Hugs DDD

PS: I would not let difficult child know about the notebook or feel that you have any doubt about the way his teacher approaches her methods. Somehow our difficult child's seem to know when we are doubtful and have a tendency to "side with Mommy" even when we try to hide our concerns.

 

[lovelyboy]

I spoke to difficult child tonight about changing Occupational Therapist (OT).....he said no he likes his Occupational Therapist (OT)! I ask what he likes....he says he enjoys going to her, he likes her games....what they do, she helps him....he knows her.....Ok then......we will stick with it for now! Asked him if he will go to the other lady...he said....No way! Well then.....I will try and be nice to them!

 

[DDD]

LOL, "different strokes for different folks" can be true with difficult child's too. I'm glad he is comfortable with her and hope she'll be of real value to him. DDD

 

[rdland]

Oh wow! She does not sound even close to getting it! Hand in there and document everything she said to you.

 

[buddy]

I wonder if difficult child is like mine in any way.... He would rather not make a CHANGE to keep his routine, comfort, status quo, than to admit there is anything wrong. And at times I dont think it would even register with my son that there is something wrong. How would he know if things are improving or not? Now if he was obviously distressed that would be easier. but your measure I suppose has to be if he is improving.

I think I dont understand the Occupational Therapist (OT) part... so is it a partnership with the school so that is why she is there? or is it like here we have school Occupational Therapist (OT) and you can also go to private Occupational Therapist (OT) thru the medical system???

 

[lovelyboy]

Buddy...its even worse.....
This is a private school......This is private Occupational Therapist (OT) practice that was given a therapy room to see school kids in school time.....
So: School benefit in the sense that they can say: Hey look we have Occupational Therapist (OT) services in school time....so parents dont have to travel after school.....The Occupational Therapist (OT) is not employed by the school or in partnership...the school only wants some feedback when the parent igrees.
The Occupational Therapist (OT) practice is private with private billing, asking medical fees.....So they see the child in school time as if in private practice....get ALL the money and PLENTY of constant referills....smiling all the way....and dont have to deal with parents......Otherwise I must stay with her, but say I want him to have Occupational Therapist (OT) after school....I really want interaction with her after the session....I want to know what they are doing and what I am paying for! I am free to go to another Occupational Therapist (OT) when I want to.....

 

[buddy]

Oh my, that would be such a conflict of interest here. good in theory I suppose, but big issue to have a permanently placed office of sorts in a school. But it is all private so they can do what they want.

I have to think the school gets a kick back somewhere besides just being able to say they offer on site Occupational Therapist (OT), but who knows.

I hope it works out for you. I would just love to be rich and come and visit to see how things really are there, it sounds so interesting.

 

[lovelyboy]

Lol.....you are welcome! Ha ha....Buddy.....just imagine what wonderful vocab our 2 boys will have after the visit!!!!!!

 

[buddy]

Kind of scary.