On the Bright Side

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, Jan 28, 2012.

  1. Our still-estranged difficult child-daughter has FINALLY, this month, moved out of the house where she pretends to be "daughter" of the couple she has been calling her "new mommy and daddy" since her estrangement from us began post-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-meltdown in 2009 at age 21.
     
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    woo hoo... hope it means she is moving forward. (was it mutual?)
     
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Funny ow their new family isn't what it's cracked up to be. My difficult child lasted 6 weeks with her new family before she begged us to take her back.

    Nancy
     
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well hope it means she is moving on. I dont think I remember reading this but...do the people your kids moved in with when they were grown, did they know about the issues you guys had with them? Im just asking because I have had young adults living in my house as friends of my boys and I would hope their parents didnt think I was taking their places. Even my youngest son's girlfriend has been calling us "momma and daddy" since she met us but I think that is just because that is what my son calls us.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Janet, this couple has been AWFUL to TALAN. This new set of "parents" has confronted them and said horrible things about how it is all their fault and that TALAN never loved them, and all sorts of other stupid and wrong stuff for which they have earned a whole dumptruck or six of bad karma.

    I hope this means that difficult child is beginning to mature.
     
  6. I'm tiny-typing some of the history and details... 'cause some of you know it... some don't need or don't want the history.

    Janet, I've had a ton of kids enter our home as our own children's guests and call us "mom and dad" just 'cause they liked us, Mr & Mrs was too formal, and calling us by our first names didn't seem respectful enough to them. In that context, it's fun, it's flattering, it's harmless. I don't object to it at all. That is not-at-all what has been going on with the kooks playing "new mommy and daddy" to our adoptees. They really believe they have assumed our children's role as parents in our place.


    Our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) difficult child DS eloped and came back to town a few months later for the "formal" reenactment of his nuptuals... included his "new mommy and daddy" (an entirely different couple than our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-difficult child-daughter's "new mommy and daddy")

    Son's "new mommy & daddy" couple followed daughter's
    "new mommy & daddy" couple because she was an internet student of counseling at the time... and the whole bunch of them were encouraged by difficult child-daughter's "new mommy"'s local (now deceased thank-God) "christian counselor" whose counseling license is marred by state penalties and reprimands for SERIOUSLY unethical behavior.

    We have no information regarding the details surrounding our difficult child moving out, as she remains estranged from us. We only know she has moved out and now lives about 5 miles closer to us than she did with her "new parents."

    We're hoping our difficult child daughter's move out of her "new mommy and daddy" 's home is a step toward healing for her.

    difficult child-daughter did have a brief communication with my hubby just before Christmas where she revealed to him the depths of her current mental decline, among other things claiming at 21 she wanted to move out "on her own" but we "wouldn't let" her to explain why she's been living almost three years not "on-her-own" not-with-her-peers, but playing baby-girl to the nutty couple.


    Survival skills for people with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) seem to enable RADs to easily "morph" into whomever present-company wants them to be. Understanding this aspect of our adoptees mental illness helps us to understand the many masks our kids wear to accommodate their various circles of influence.

    The woman who has gleefully assumed the role of "new mommy" for our our daughter has so many major unresolved issues herself... she spent YEARS and years under the influence of the above mentioned unethical counselor.... with a "standing appointment every Tuesday afternoon."

    After she had gotten kicked out of numerous arenas "volunteering with youth" crazy lady and her husband decided to become their own church "tithing" 10% of their money to buy the influence of teenagers. Crazy couple ply teenagers with gifts and outings kids cannot afford in hopes to "earn" their trust long enough to create a crisis and swoop in and "save the day.

    As our daughter began spiraling toward her 2009 Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-typical meltdown, she began going through a "damage our stuff beyond repair" stage.


    In hindsight, after reading much about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I understand better this kind of destruction is frequently part of how RADs "break away" as young adults during the age-appropriate-season to embark into adult life. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)'s tend to want to "force" the adoptive parents they have a loving attachment to get rid of them... so they control the move "this time." Our daughter had an estimated 17 disrupted foster and adoption placements before she came home to us at age six. She had no control over all those moves... it kinda makes sense of her spiraling downward meltdown behaviors before she "adopted" her "new mommy and daddy."

    Among the things our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) destroyed was two of our automobiles within a few weeks of each other.

    A few months before our daughter moved into the home of the people that would become "new mommy and new daddy" they "gifted" our difficult child-daughter a car.

    You should see the damages the two did to their own families as they fell in love with each other divorced and began their happily-ever-after.

    Our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) difficult child was all too happy to become her pathetic victim needing rescuing.

    daughter difficult child's "new daddy" radiates "perv" his wife confided in me all the time he'd "hold her hostage" and I'm sure "new daddy" who is old-enough-to-be-daughter's-pervert-great-granddaddy has been beyond-thrilled to have our busty young daughter in the house replacing his three ogre stepsons.

    "New mommy" demanded her "own" children... (3 biological sons) be OUT of their house by age 18, because it wasn't "fair" to her much-older hubby to continue supporting children that weren't his past legal adulthood.

    However, less than a few short years into empty nest, the two welcomed our 21 year old as their "new daughter" into their home.

    Our daughter's peers ("new mommy's" 3 sons) were completely out-of-the-house... lived elsewhere as adults.

    So from 2009 until this month It's been just the happy three... "new mommy", "new daddy", and our daughter playing the role of their voluptuous "new" over-21 year old "baby girl" desperately needing rescuing and mommy-daddy love.



    We're hoping that since our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-difficult child-daughter is no longer under the pressure of "playing the victim fills my belly and provides the roof over my head" our difficult child dear daughter will be able to step out of the role of "victim" long enough to take steps toward healing.



    It is difficult to address the specifics of how Reactive Attachment Disorder's extremely symptomatic attacks against us and behaviors in general without appearing cynical/sarcastic at times. (Trust me at times cynicism and sarcasm do slip in!) We DO realize our daughter is ill. The pain our adoptees feel continues to break our hearts. We have done everything within our power to seek healing for our two adoptees. When I use quotation marks... it is not usually so much to be cynical nor sarcastic I use quotation marks primarily to emphasize the difference between the RADreality within our adoptees broken hearts and damaged minds... and well... real-reality.
     
  7. Reread my last post during a break at work and thought YIKES I sound bitter. It's hard to talk about all the insanities our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-s and their "rescuers" have brought into our lives.

    Part of our daughter's Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) symptoms from the time she was very young was to behave precociously flirtatious with older men.., and exessively familiar with strangers. That combined with the damage in the cause and effect reasoning part of her brain has made her quite vulnerable to people with less than altruistic intentions.

    Just another way to explain how very grateful we are she is out of that house. "Free room and board" from people that are not family is seldom ever truly free.

    Know what I mean?
     
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Your daughter sound's alot like my difficult child#2. He too had alternative parents who he told lies to so they would take care of him. He didn't want to follow our rules or work etc. Wanted everything given to him but nothing was enough. Lost every thing he owned everytime he moved. I understand your pain. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) just hoovers.
     
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