on the fence - in the war zone

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by guest3, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. guest3

    guest3 Guest

  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    How old is your dad? Has he always been like this with your mom or is it relatively new?

    I'm just thinking that some neurological going-on's could cause this kind of behavior.

    If it's that stressful, I would think it be best to get your own place. difficult child II doesn't want to move because he's had so much upheaval recently. But, I bet once he gets moved and the stress is greatly reduced, he'll be relieved.
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: lostyetfound07</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I can only think it's because my Dad has serious circulatory problems, and major heart issues, I do not want to live with causing him to have a stroke or worse! Suggestions?

    I don't really have advice for the living situation issue but maybe this applies. When I read about your dad's medical conditions, I had to wonder if he's not getting enough oxygen to his brain. That can cause people to do/say some really off the wall stuff. My mother in law has bouts of that (although she really IS a paranoid schizophrenic so take this as you will) and it makes her say things that are really out there. (Or at least farther out than normal for her) Of course, your mom could also be right so who knows. Do you think he would see the doctor for a full physical? (if so, maybe you can let the doctor know ahead of time some of the things your dad is doing so he'll have a heads up)

    Like I said, no real advice but sending lots of hugs. You've got a lot on your plate right now so do what you can to take care of you.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, he's defintely not right.
    I am so sorry.
    I agree with-your mom, actually. But you still have to have your own life.
    Please get your dad to a doctor. Considering he monitors the GPS and cell ph calls, there's no way you can outsmart him and he will have to be told the truth. And you may all have to give him an ultimatum, or an intervention which, unfortunately, would not go down well, considering his paranoia.
    Is there any way you can get someone to come into the house, a 3rd party soc wkr or something, to help facilitate a sort of intervention?
    Does he leave the house very often?
    I am so sorry for your difficult child. His position is completely understandable.

    {{{Many hugs.}}}
  5. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    How awful for you. I think you should trust your instincts about moving. difficult child II will likely benefit from any arrangement that lessens the turmoil and conflict. I hope that your dad will see a doctor and can benefit from treatment of some sort. Sending support and prayers to you.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Agreeing with the "ralph and eeeeewwwww" factors!

    Dad needs a real check on medications and medical conditions. If this paranoia is new it could be associated with either one.

    Don't do anything drastic as far as moving yet (get through the holidays) and tell gfgII that you'll talk about it after the 1st of the year.

    Call the pharmacist that handles your dads scripts and see if you can get the drug info pamphlets. Sometimes you can get more insight when you've read some of the potential side effects, etc.

    Keep your head up!

  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I agree with the others who believe that your dad needs to see a doctor ASAP. As far as moving, I think it would be a good idea. Life with difficult children is difficult enough. Living in such a stressful situation can only make things worse. I think your first responsibility is your children. I think you can help and support your parents and make things easier for your children if you have a place of your own.

    Sorry you're having such a difficult time. WFEN
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    If you can afford the move, you need to do it.

    I am so sorry that this is so rough on you and the boys. What a warrior you have become!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    When you move - take your Mom.

    You don't have to set down with your kids and discuss the move with them, but it would be good for your kid to let you know WHY he's so afraid of moving again. Is it making new friends? That he feels he has no roots? The stigma of being the new kid in school - again? Being away from his grandparents which despite the mental illness going on currently may give him a sense of security - a man in the house to protect him. These were all things that my son cried about when I decided to buy a house, but (okay and here's where you find out how ill my x was) we moved 44 times in 11 years. difficult child had been a part of that cycle for about 13 moves.

    Our psychologist said the best thing I could do was buy a home and put down roots so that difficult child would have stability in his life. And for the things he was fearful of - it did help. When he could finally say "I'm going home" instead of "Back to the house" without thinking - it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had long said the same thing. I never had a home with x just a lot of moving. If I put a nail in the wall to hang a picture - we were packing in less than a week. After I bought my own home - it took me a year to hang the first thing with a new nail - I used all existing holes and pushed the nail in with my finger tips.

    Your Father has some major control issues and depending on your Moms mental state after living with someone abusive for how ever long - she also needs to get help. She doesn't have to stay, and if she wants to then things need to improve - but it isn't YOUR place to tell her that. I suspect she's aware that he's abusive (controlling) and has been able to keep it quiet until you began to live under their roof again. Maybe a talk with your Mom about first getting Dad to a doctor for a full exam is in order. If he will go, and it is a medical condition (lack of oxygen) etc...then things may improve for her quickly, and with you and the kids out of the house - it will help the stress levels for your Dad. If he does go to a Dr. and they find nothing wrong then you know it's a mental health issue and if he chooses to not go to therapy and get on a medications regime? That is your Moms choice to stay.

    At least now you can stop taking it personal. He's apparently ill and in need of help. I am really sorry for you, but I would muster my finances and see if I could find something to suit my budget in an attempt to get my own home. You can get a HUD home for little to nothing down, or check with Fanny Mae - your local housing agency. Where there is a will there is a way. (Most times)

    Hugs for your day
  10. guest3

    guest3 Guest

  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This coupled with your ex's harrassment, I would be seeking shelter elsewhere immediately. You sound as if you are not safe, at all. You can go to a womens violence shelter, and they can set you up with all that you need in terms of food, shelter options, health options, etc. if you do not have the money for an apt right now. But you need to get out of these 2 situations ASAP. You are in danger. difficult child 2 will be OK as long as he feels safe. You cannot let his feelings direct you in these areas, because he does not know the full story and all the info - you do.