Once again my mother is on the warpath. I am again the bad, inconsiderate daughter.
I must say she is right on time. She has pushed and prodded to get us to let her go to Jessie's appointment in Dallas instead of husband. So I asked her to go. I told her the date of the appointment THREE TIMES and she got it wrong. I read it to her off the forms from the doctor - and she wrote it down wrong. This is my fault. (Of course she didn't read the email where I sent all the info, date, time, address, map and driving directions, etc...).
She takes ritalin (speed) for her "adhd". This woman got a doctorate from a major university with NO thoughts of adhd. She no more has adhd than my cat does. She does have health problems that create mental fog, but the ritalin does NOT give her clarity. It just makes it impossible for her to sit still.
I do not dispute the adhd thing with her as it would do NO GOOD. I do find it very interesting that from the time I was in high school to a couple of years before she got the adhd diagnosis and medications she hinted around or outright asked if I knew anyone who could get speed for her so she could lose weight. I worked in a restaurant where about 5 of us did NOT use drugs, so I could EASILY have gotten it for her, but I didn't. Heck, she hinted about it to an old friend of mine that I worked with and they offered some to me privately and I wouldn't give it to her.
Gfgbro was there on Halloween when husband stopped by with thank you. I was home with Jess because she refused to do Halloween because gfgbro would be there. JEss spent the last 3 nights worried that Gma would be upset with her because she did not do Halloween.
Now my mother refuses to go to Jessie's appointment or help us with gas/hotel as she had previously INSISTED she would do. She pressured me to allow her to go so she would know what was "really" going on with Jessie's health. I was leary because I doubt she can go for 2 days with-o pressuring Jess and i to say that the problems with gfgbro are all made up and we are sorry and awful and will she forgive us. I have NO intention of allowing that, and have already told her that ANY pressure/discussion of gfgbro with the kids will be the LAST time she is allowed to see them for a dang long time.
My mother does NOT feel I have the right to place boundaries for about ANY reason.
Her call today was awful. Of course she is angry because I don't make her feel "appreciated" and she tried to call but the machine didn't pick up. I don't know why it didn't pick up. As far as I know it is fine - the election people had no trouble calling it earlier today.
My cell phone is lost. I am using Jessie's. I have told my parents this over and over. Use Jessie's phone as mine. But they won't. She left TWO messages on my cell and I didn't return them. Gee, I can't find the phone so ..... and she has easily called both husband and I on his phone and on Jessie's phone at least twice last week. But she doesn't remember THAT.
She almost NEVER calls me. Not to talk, not about what we are doing, nothing. She doesn't have time to talk when I call to chat. When my aunt was in town it was NEVER a good time to talk or do anything because they had to talk with my bro or with a neighbor or something. And I didn't get call backs then at all - and my aunt was here for 5 WEEKS but they only had time to see us once.
So gee, why don't I call? Why don't I make plans with my mom? Gee, I wonder????
I am SO SICK of this. It is petty stuff to be mad at me about. It seems more that she is mad at me just to be mad, or because gfgbro has been talking about me, more than anything else. SHe doesn't make sense, will MAYBE remember half of the nasty things she said, and will wonder why I don't want to make plans with her.
Every time there is something planned she has to go and find something to get mad about. She goes on about not having drama, not wanting fights and drama in her life, wanting us all to just get along, etc.... Then stuff like this happens and reminds me why we moved away.
I want to be an orphan. Not for my folks to die or have anything bad happen, just to not have to deal with this koi. I HATE HATE HATE knowing that every time something is going to happen she is going to do something like this.
I just want to cry. I feel so AWFUL after these episodes. Why is it that NOTHING I do is ever "right enough" for my mom? And why is it that in a week or so I will learn that gfgbro was telling her things that "I said" but she NEVER asked about but was upset about? That is the next step in this farce. There will NOT be an apology to me for any of this, but I will be expected to make one to her and gfgbro (won't happen to gfgbro, might to her if it will get her to leave me alone, but it won't be a real apology because whatever it is that he said to stir her up is all invented by him, but that can't be admitted or I will be the "bad daughter" still.) regardless of reality.
I have been dragged on this emotional rollercoaster before every major holiday and event and if no event/holiday happens one is invented at least 2 times a year. I am tired of being the "bad daughter" and no amount of therapy has worked to get through so that gfgbro's influence behind this is seen or spoken about or admitted. It is always MY drama that creates the problems according to our family legends.
What is so wrong with me that my mother has to get angry with me every few months regardless of what I have or have not done? Am I that horrible a person/daughter/parent?
How do I tell my child about this? She is going to be so hurt. Not the details, just that Gma can't go. She is too smart to not know the reason behind it. She picks up on too much of this.
I must say she is right on time. She has pushed and prodded to get us to let her go to Jessie's appointment in Dallas instead of husband. So I asked her to go. I told her the date of the appointment THREE TIMES and she got it wrong. I read it to her off the forms from the doctor - and she wrote it down wrong. This is my fault. (Of course she didn't read the email where I sent all the info, date, time, address, map and driving directions, etc...).
She takes ritalin (speed) for her "adhd". This woman got a doctorate from a major university with NO thoughts of adhd. She no more has adhd than my cat does. She does have health problems that create mental fog, but the ritalin does NOT give her clarity. It just makes it impossible for her to sit still.
I do not dispute the adhd thing with her as it would do NO GOOD. I do find it very interesting that from the time I was in high school to a couple of years before she got the adhd diagnosis and medications she hinted around or outright asked if I knew anyone who could get speed for her so she could lose weight. I worked in a restaurant where about 5 of us did NOT use drugs, so I could EASILY have gotten it for her, but I didn't. Heck, she hinted about it to an old friend of mine that I worked with and they offered some to me privately and I wouldn't give it to her.
Gfgbro was there on Halloween when husband stopped by with thank you. I was home with Jess because she refused to do Halloween because gfgbro would be there. JEss spent the last 3 nights worried that Gma would be upset with her because she did not do Halloween.
Now my mother refuses to go to Jessie's appointment or help us with gas/hotel as she had previously INSISTED she would do. She pressured me to allow her to go so she would know what was "really" going on with Jessie's health. I was leary because I doubt she can go for 2 days with-o pressuring Jess and i to say that the problems with gfgbro are all made up and we are sorry and awful and will she forgive us. I have NO intention of allowing that, and have already told her that ANY pressure/discussion of gfgbro with the kids will be the LAST time she is allowed to see them for a dang long time.
My mother does NOT feel I have the right to place boundaries for about ANY reason.
Her call today was awful. Of course she is angry because I don't make her feel "appreciated" and she tried to call but the machine didn't pick up. I don't know why it didn't pick up. As far as I know it is fine - the election people had no trouble calling it earlier today.
My cell phone is lost. I am using Jessie's. I have told my parents this over and over. Use Jessie's phone as mine. But they won't. She left TWO messages on my cell and I didn't return them. Gee, I can't find the phone so ..... and she has easily called both husband and I on his phone and on Jessie's phone at least twice last week. But she doesn't remember THAT.
She almost NEVER calls me. Not to talk, not about what we are doing, nothing. She doesn't have time to talk when I call to chat. When my aunt was in town it was NEVER a good time to talk or do anything because they had to talk with my bro or with a neighbor or something. And I didn't get call backs then at all - and my aunt was here for 5 WEEKS but they only had time to see us once.
So gee, why don't I call? Why don't I make plans with my mom? Gee, I wonder????
I am SO SICK of this. It is petty stuff to be mad at me about. It seems more that she is mad at me just to be mad, or because gfgbro has been talking about me, more than anything else. SHe doesn't make sense, will MAYBE remember half of the nasty things she said, and will wonder why I don't want to make plans with her.
Every time there is something planned she has to go and find something to get mad about. She goes on about not having drama, not wanting fights and drama in her life, wanting us all to just get along, etc.... Then stuff like this happens and reminds me why we moved away.
I want to be an orphan. Not for my folks to die or have anything bad happen, just to not have to deal with this koi. I HATE HATE HATE knowing that every time something is going to happen she is going to do something like this.
I just want to cry. I feel so AWFUL after these episodes. Why is it that NOTHING I do is ever "right enough" for my mom? And why is it that in a week or so I will learn that gfgbro was telling her things that "I said" but she NEVER asked about but was upset about? That is the next step in this farce. There will NOT be an apology to me for any of this, but I will be expected to make one to her and gfgbro (won't happen to gfgbro, might to her if it will get her to leave me alone, but it won't be a real apology because whatever it is that he said to stir her up is all invented by him, but that can't be admitted or I will be the "bad daughter" still.) regardless of reality.
I have been dragged on this emotional rollercoaster before every major holiday and event and if no event/holiday happens one is invented at least 2 times a year. I am tired of being the "bad daughter" and no amount of therapy has worked to get through so that gfgbro's influence behind this is seen or spoken about or admitted. It is always MY drama that creates the problems according to our family legends.
What is so wrong with me that my mother has to get angry with me every few months regardless of what I have or have not done? Am I that horrible a person/daughter/parent?
How do I tell my child about this? She is going to be so hurt. Not the details, just that Gma can't go. She is too smart to not know the reason behind it. She picks up on too much of this.
